A Therapist, A Buddhist, and You
A Therapist, A Buddhist, and You
More to Metta: A Journey into Loving-Kindness and Its Impact on Our Lives
Can you imagine a world where everyone practices Metta, cultivating unconditional love, kindness, and goodwill towards themselves and others? Join us on this enlightening journey with Zaw Maw, a Buddhist practitioner, as we dive deep into the concept of Metta and its profound impact on our lives. From its roots in Pali and Burmese languages to its powerful effect on shifting our focus from negativity to love, Zaw guides us through Metta's mental, physical, and verbal aspects, sharing a traditional sutra for our practice.
As we explore Buddhist cosmology and its connection to loving kindness, we uncover the discipline and structure required in our practice, reminding ourselves that Metta is not a replacement for difficulty. Learn how to teach our children simple phrases to start their day and discover the emotional connection and visualization involved in cultivating compassion for ourselves and others. By the end of this episode, you'll feel that contagious loving energy, equipping you with the tools to improve your health and wellness through the power of Metta. So, tune in, and let's spread love and kindness together!
Videos on our YouTube Channel:
https://www.youtube.com/@RecoveryCollective
Visit our website!
Recovery Collective — Annapolis, MD (recoverycollectivemd.com)
Zaw Maw — Recovery Collective — Annapolis, MD (recoverycollectivemd.com)
Luke DeBoy — Recovery Collective — Annapolis, MD (recoverycollectivemd.com)
(240) 813-8135
New Episodes are released every Monday.
Please send your questions to: luke@recoverycollectivemd.com
Thanks for listening, and please subscribe/comment/review/follow/like; if you think others would benefit from the podcast episode, share with others, as COLLECTIVELY, we can find solutions to all things health and wellness.
Check us on social media:
Facebook: @RecoveryCollectiveMd
YouTube: @RecoveryCollective
Instagram: @recovery_collective_md
TikTok: @lukederecoverycollective
The episodes contain content, including information provided by guests, intended for perspective, informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, legal, or other advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you have a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 or 9-8-8
Sign up for our Newsletter
https://www.recoverycollectivemd.com/newsletter
Say Thank You, Leave a Review for the Recovery Collective
Google Review
YouTube Channel
Watch/Listen
Our Website
Recovery Collective
Welcome to A Therapist, myself a Buddhist, zalmang, and you, the listener. This evening, brought to you by the Recovery Collective in Annapolis, Maryland, it is a podcast where we embark on a journey of self-discovery and collective growth. I'm your co-host, luke DeBoy, and joining me on this enlightening adventure is my co-host, a Sultan of Serenity.
Speaker 2:Wow, you just came up with these things. I'm trying, you caught me by surprise.
Speaker 1:I'm trying As usual a wise and compassionate Buddhist practitioner. We will explore the intersections of psychology, spirituality, health and wellness, offering practical insights along the way. Thanks for tuning in and joining our community. Please communicate with us and the other listeners on Facebook, instagram and YouTube. Feel free to check out the links in our episode notes If you find our podcast helpful. We greatly appreciate your support. One way to give back is like subscribe, comment, review. There's hearts pluses. I don't know what other ways they can do it, but there's a bunch of symbols that you can do so and we'd appreciate that. And if you'd like to donate, please do, as we now have a donate button on our podcast platform. Remember it's through our collective efforts that we can uncover solutions to all things related to health and wellness. So for this episode's all, let's explore the concept of meta as the practice of cultivating unconditional love, goodwill and kindness towards oneself and others. What do you think?
Speaker 2:That sounds good Yeah.
Speaker 1:Meta, not that Facebook thing M-E-T-A, but the M-E-T-T-A meta version. That's what we're interested in. What does it mean? What is the root word of meta from your understanding, Zou?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is a Bali word which has also become a Burmese word. in our Burmese culture The pronunciation in Burmese is mita, which usually is translated as loving kindness in the Western world. But the original meaning pretty much is friendliness, or meta has to do with, i guess it comes from the word matria or matri along those lines. I don't know the exact linguistic technicalities of it, but it is around this realm of friendliness, goodwill, like you said.
Speaker 1:This is a Bali word, bali word. What are the core principles, are the intentions behind this word? is it an action, is it a doing? Often, i think as Westerners were first introduced to the word or the intention or the action during a vipassana or yoga session. Give us a skinny on meta.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i can share my experience and also I can share how I practice it today. I think that will be quite practical And I don't know if it's limited to a Buddhist world or maybe just things in general. There are three kinds of actions that we can take in this worldly stage. One is mental, which is through thoughts. Another is physical, through actions, and the third one is verbal, through words or through writing. So meta can be practiced through those three means as well And depending on because in the Buddhist tradition it's not really about what is, but it's about the intention behind it.
Speaker 2:So you can have a very powerful mental thought of meta and can have a really positive effect on your well-being. But yeah, i mean, it all comes down to that idea of everybody is suffering. So meta pretty much is the wording in terms of the verbal practices May you be happy, may you be free from danger, may you be free from any kind of physical suffering. So it's also like a protection for yourself and for other people as well. The power of meta is that when you are in tune with that power of kindness, you are protected, because that's what we need. There is visible dangers. There's also invisible dangers as well around us anytime. Visible dangers can be like fire, accidents, fall slip, sickness, all these things. But the invisible dangers can be like worries, like mental dangers, grief, depression, sadness. So infusing with loving kindness is always a protection against those dangers, and that's how I was taught.
Speaker 1:Let's break down those three categories, starting with the mental grouping of meta. The opposite of loving kindness mentally can be stress, anxiety, worry, concern related to meta in terms of the mental category.
Speaker 2:So mental part is a little difficult because it requires some meditative state. But the way I was taught this was taught in Burmese high school so it was easy for me because before we start classes in the morning we had to chant and then part of the chant. there's also this thing called meta sutra, which is a discourse to live out by the Buddha. traditionally It's like a two and a half minutes sutra And there's some wording from the sutra that were extracted out in a Burmese translation and we had to recite that. I don't know there's something about the words and the verbalizing it, because the thing from the sutra, if I'm recalling and translating it, it's along the lines of may all beings be happy. may all beings, whether they can be seen, they can be unseen, they can be far, they can be close, they can be big, they can be round, they can be small. There are just different kinds of categories of living beings. May they all be happy, free from danger, free from anger. That was a good start.
Speaker 1:So that's one way, mentally, i guess, to shift your focus when practicing metta With that example you gave in the English translation consciously shifting their focus from negative or stressful thoughts to positive intentions of love and kindness, and that's a mental way of looking at metta.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Yeah. And then there's something traditionally something about the repetition. It's also what is good about the verbal recitation The more you do it, it's the same thing over and over again, but the intention behind that gets uncovered. And it's also that discipline, the consistency that you do it over and over again, And then the mental part overflows And then physical also is overflow. Once your mind is infused with loving kindness, you're just kind throughout the day. You just want to help people.
Speaker 1:Said it before, where our intention goes, the energy flows. Yeah, so if you put that love and kindness towards a thought and an intention that can have a positive effect on your mental well-being, if I focus on fear and negativity and worry and resentment, well, guess what, i'm having a bad day. Anything else with mental. when it comes to metta Yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean our minds are more prone to negative things, especially untrained mind. It's reactionary or more attracted to resentment or worries or hatred, different kinds of mood, so it's kind of like against the nature. So that's why the discipline and the practice is quite important. And then, traditionally what I was also taught was that and this is also what I do with clients and the groups as well that after a meditation practice I usually conclude the session with a loving kindness meditation, because by the end of the session we've meditated and we're in a calm state of mind, which is not something that we can have access to quite easily. So once we get there, let's use this opportunity to radiate loving kindness. And it becomes more and that's been my experience, and I think that can be the listener's experience too that it's hard to overcome a hatred thought with a loving thought. in my own mind. It can be quite difficult. So I have to train my mind first. only then I have the capability to replace a resentful thought with a loving thought.
Speaker 1:Yeah, these are some of the thought processes in terms of therapy and ways to cultivate positive emotions, whether it's gratitude lists, whether it's positive affirmations. cognitive behavioral therapy, identifying a more positive, alternative based thought, can help cultivate this positivity. I suppose the negativity, Yeah, it's good. Okay, Yeah, I mean. and then we're talking about self-compassion. If I can give this loving kindness to other people, meta also focuses on ourself too when it comes to loving kindness, correct, Yeah?
Speaker 2:Yeah. And then the thing about the mental, physical and verbal. we're all interconnected. in some groups people talk about which I agree that mood follows actions, right. So sometimes I got to start from the action And that's been my experience with sobriety too that when I say may I be happy in the beginning of the day, i would set the intention, but then the fact that I'm not drinking and not using drugs, that's an act of self-compassion that I thought they were making me happy, but I actually know it was a dead end. So the physical action, self-compassion can be as simple, it can come with a thought, or it can come with a verbal thought that may I be happy, which also means that what action can I take today that will bring happiness to me, not in like a selfish way, but just what are the kind self-care things that I can do?
Speaker 1:That can reduce stress, that can reduce cortisol levels. By doing that, so physical in terms of the actual behavior, in terms of the actions you do to create that love and kindness but it also sounds the way I'm taking it is physically your body can be affected by a love and kindness as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there are also some visualization methods that can be helpful as well, because meta has to do with the heart. So like physically, location-wise, when you breathe in and out of that heart, it's like a feeling center. So some visualization can be helpful, that you breathe in and out of that heart center where there are emotions, and you can infuse your heart with positive thoughts which is what we want for everybody, like safety, health, well-being.
Speaker 1:You just saying that connected to my heart and my hope is there's at least a handful of listeners that also felt that, as you shared that That's physical, that's a transfer of emotions in a love and kindness, healthy kind of way. Well, i felt it. Maybe the listeners did too Physical anything else when it comes to that category.
Speaker 2:Yeah, an act of kindness, which is there's no shortage of that right, but in our tradition it can be, especially when you're living at a monastery a meta act will be sweeping the floor without letting anybody know or taking the trash out. These are all good, will act without any kind of expectations, but the universe usually compensate or return multiple to an act of kindness. And again, it's more about the intention behind that, because there are also some actions that you take for self-appraisal that, oh yeah, look at me, i am doing this kind thing.
Speaker 1:I think of it physically in terms of enhancing relationships, and what I mean by that. When we cultivate these love and kindness towards others, it fosters loving relationships, it improves interactions, communication, understanding, promote forgiveness, reducing conflicts, empathy and compassion. To me, that's physical. That's a physical reaction that we can get from relationships. Something as simple as sweeping a floor or opening a door can have a physical, positive effect.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's all energy, you know, and I can be vibrating at a negative energy and people can sense it, and the opposite is true too. But yeah, there's something very helpful about the community too.
Speaker 2:So if we live in a community or if I have access to a community that is spiritual, that's like a easy access to practice loving kindness. But I do want to share about the practice of loving kindness in a way of something that we are capable of, but also something that we don't have to try too hard to get there in a way, so it's not like somebody has to teach me in detail how to practice loving kindness. It's something that is already familiar to us. So that's where that repetition comes in, because there are also some visualization exercises where you just have to recall where an active kindness was done to you in your life, and there is no shortage of that. If I reflect on my own experience, there are teachers, people who help me, who were just like a very ideal act of goodwill, and then I can have access to it And we have that memory. So it's more like imitating that, reflecting that and then doing that Which is not like out of reach, although it seems that way when I'm in a very resentful, worrisome, fear driven place.
Speaker 1:Have you ever seen the Grinch who's still Christmas? Yes, and he's always. He's hard-end he's. But then he saw this act of love and kindness and then his heart got bigger. Yeah, that's an example of giving love and he stole all the gifts He grew in Christmas, but then this community still gave him love and kindness And then his heart was just couldn't avoid the love and kindness And he went from that negative Grinch to this this. Well, there's purity or it's meta, it's love and kindness. Yeah, are there any examples? Like you said, it's a thought, it can be an a past experience where you felt this, any other techniques where someone can incorporate this meta into their everyday life?
Speaker 2:Yeah, the first, most simple basic entry is through verbal recitation, you know, And that's the one we're on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because you know, like it's just words sounds, but it's not about the sounds or the words, but it's about the intention, connecting with the energy behind those words.
Speaker 2:So it's a simple phrase as like may I be happy, like if I really connect with the true intention behind that word, or may you be happy, i can look into your eyes, look and then I can really mean it and say it may you be happy, and you can sense it at the heart and mind level.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, that would be a good place to start. And then there's also something that is helpful, which is that it's hard to like talk about it, because there's that concept of self-compassion, which is great, which is different from selfishness, right, because meta loving kindness has to do with selflessness. So, like when I say may I be happy, which is effective wording, but more effective wording is may I learn how to be truly happy, or may I truly be happy or may I find true happiness, and by true for me and my experience, that when I say, may I be happy, i want to drink because I know that will make me happy, i want to use this drug because that will make me happy, which is a very big difference between may I truly be happy or may I learn how to be truly happy, which will mean, yeah, actually I'm going to be sober and go help somebody, or go help somebody or something you know. So there's a self-compassion aspect where we're looking for the skillful action, not like a selfish that I need this instant gratification to be happy.
Speaker 1:So it's not ill intent, it's true. I think that's the best descriptor True happiness. I always call drugs and alcohol Yeah, it's a high, it's a happiness, but it's a numbing high. It's a false sense of happiness and love or connection. In terms of self-compassion, it can be challenging, you know, such as dealing with difficult emotions, self-judgment or resistance towards certain individuals. What are your recommendations with that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, probably a concept that people are already familiar with, but I think it is worth emphasizing and repeating. Which is also part of loving kindness Is that loving kindness cannot come as a replacement to the difficulty. The first step is to accept where I'm at. So if I am suffering, if I'm in a very terrible place, i cannot be like me. I'd be happy, i skip everything and then truly be happy. But the first step is right here, in this moment, i'm suffering and that's okay. I need to see it as it is, and then everybody else go through this. I'm not alone. And then that open store.
Speaker 2:That's also what I was trying to say earlier about the simplicity and the familiarity of this. I don't need to. That's also the wording of when I say me I be happy is not like I am happy right now, which is not true. It's an intention being set. But before that, there has to be a point where I see things as they are, a set. And it can be true with when you're trying to be helpful to a friend too, like when somebody lost a friend and he's grieving and I'm having a conversation with him and I cannot be like, forget about it, you should be happy, but no, i feel you, i can sense your grief, and then that becomes like a first step to accept the situation.
Speaker 1:First, Yeah, I'm just absorbing that with all you guys as well. That's good.
Speaker 2:But I do have some structure by just based on my tradition, which has yeah, i don't want to go deep, too deep into it, but it has to do with, like Buddhist cosmology and everything, but for me it is effective. But it's more about the discipline and then the structure and the repetition of the phrases And that's how I was taught, which is quite technical, but that's how I practice it on a regular basis, and then I recite that metta sutra And but yeah, i mean for the listeners, those simple instructions, starting the day out with you know me, i've been also teaching my kids as well, which kind of warms my heart. There's some like Bali words that I say they're simple to them And they're kind of like I don't know if it's just a phase for them, but they're super excited about that, like they know the words already.
Speaker 1:Hey it's energy man.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And then by the end of it I teach them those simple wording in English of like may I be happy, may I be safe, may I be free from danger. And then my daughter, by surprise the other day she said she added one thing that I never taught. She said may I be loved.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:I was like yeah, that's, that's cool.
Speaker 1:She knows what it's all about. It's within us all. Yeah, you spiked my interest when you said Buddhist cosmology.
Speaker 2:Buddhist cosmology Yeah, buddhist universe.
Speaker 1:Give us that might be another episode in there. Oh yeah, give us a little bit for this one.
Speaker 2:So there are 32 planes of existence in Buddhist cosmology And then I think we're also having a conversation about this before this podcast too that like there's a kapas, which is like eons and time stuff like that. But what is helpful with the Buddhist cosmology when it comes to loving kindness is that we're in this human realm, but there are specific prayers that we always thought is that radiating loving kindness in different directions, like East, south, northwest, above, below But with the 32 planes of existence is that they are higher planes where they're more like celestial being, but it doesn't mean they don't suffer. They also suffer. They're in this cycle of suffering, samsara, but then they're also like hell realm. So like it opens so many new doors where you start radiating loving kindness not only to the visible world but like all beings that can or cannot be seen either celestial or hell realm, it doesn't matter, you know so it's. It's more of like an infinite possibilities of radiating loving kindness.
Speaker 1:That's meta in a whole different way. Meta in a macro way, which will give us another episode in the future, for sure. But when it comes to this love and kindness meta, some of my takeaways, when it comes to some of the key aspects to that meta is an intention, it's a practice. There's mindfulness. It plays a crucial role, being mindful of being fully present and aware of it. That jumps out at me. There's certain loving kindness phrases. It involves reciting potentially specific phrases or affirmations that can express well wishes for oneself or others. And what I'm getting from this episode that I really didn't know or take away from previous, the visualization that can come with it. Can you give us another example? Because I think that's that's the soul of this. That's my takeaway the visualization when it comes to a loving kindness practice.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's really good. We're, we're all vibrational right. So, like when it comes to the effect, being produced by meta is personal, but it's also general too. But the way I think about it is like a calming, like really soothing, cool water, and it's a feeling. So when somebody is radiating that, you can sense it, and when you're radiating it to other people can sense it. So it's more like a It's an attraction. Yes.
Speaker 1:It's to me in my words, what If I were to, in my words, what you're saying? it's an emotional connection and it's cultivating a sense of compassion for myself and others, and it's an energetic feel that I think can be contagious. like your daughter said love, she added it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, there's something very purifying about that. You know, it's not made up, it's not something that is created, it's something that is uncovered and it's authentic. So that's why it's so universal. And yeah, i mean, like you said, it's also part of the mindfulness practice too. Right, you can go to a religious ground or you can enter somebody's house and you can just sense that peacefulness. You know it's very visceral.
Speaker 1:There's a physiological, like you said, visceral thing that happens when you visualize it. When it's happening, it does something different to the brain, which does something different to the physical and the emotional and the verbal. When we visualize it, while we're thinking it and feeling it, it changes our brain chemistry, it changes the energy. When we do it that way, Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then you know words and visualization can be connected too. One of the things that can be helpful is the wording of. you know, there are some meditation instructions where you pay attention to the breath, and then there's the wording of like softening or relaxing the jaw, the shoulders, your belly. You know when you do that it's a word but like it has that visual effect too When you imagine relaxing your jaw you know, when you imagine softening your belly and then when you also imagine softening your heart.
Speaker 2:You know these are just words but like they can have a very powerful visual effect to it and that loving kindness become more accessible when you use those descriptions to your heart. And then you can think about radiating or sending out love, you know, which is like energy, a race of energy that you send out.
Speaker 1:Well, I've loved this conversation. Anything else you want to share with our listeners before we have our final?
Speaker 2:remarks. Yeah, so the one practice which I think is universal is the directional meta radiating. So, like I say, it is universal because we live in this atmosphere. Right, there's air we cannot see, but it's everywhere. We're surrounded by it. Meta is like that too. So there are some meditation practices where I do, where I start imagining, like all in the east direction, all the way across, may all beings in this direction, may they be happy, healthy, free from danger, free from anger, and then it just works, but like I can physically send out and receive, so that can be a good practice for people who want to try it. So like, just systematically, may all beings in this direction. So like northeast, or when you're sitting you can be in the front, in the back, to the left, to the right, to the right front or whatever you know, in 10 directions.
Speaker 1:I think one way you've shared with me when we've done you've done your group meditations is everyone in this room and then everyone in this building and everyone on this road, everyone in this town, everyone in this, and that helped me just feel it expand outwards and more vast and large, guided me with that directional feeling towards the area.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, i think anything is perpetual. So I do wanna give listeners a challenge or a practice where begin your day with loving kindness and then see where it takes you. And it can be a positive feedback loop because, yeah, there's something that is undeniably there when things become experiential. So for me, yeah, i connect with people at a deeper level when I am coming from a place of loving kindness And people sense it too right, because when I have a resentment or separation, it comes from that. Oh, that person is different, that person doesn't know how I'm suffering as if we are different, but we're not.
Speaker 1:Yeah, i've heard someone say that the first five people in their day, when they leave their house, they're just gonna give a pass too, no matter what they do, tongue in cheek. But you know what I mean. But I like your example that much more. Let's say there's first five people that you see, why don't you give them that loving kindness and that meta, not just give them a pass, but give them that visceral energy of loving, kindness and compassion?
Speaker 2:Yeah, i think that will be a good note to end on, but I do also do wanna differentiate one final thought of like passionate love with attachment, because attachment is not a good thing, like craving, which is a different kind of love, which is not what we're talking about. But this is like a platonic loving kindness, in a way of like I want nothing in return, because there's an idea of love in terms of possessiveness. I love this person, i want this person to be this way, that way, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I wanna differentiate that too, because I don't know if it's a translation when you say loving kindness, which is different from like passionate love or sexual love or romantic love, yeah, the unconditional love, the non-expectations that we as humans often connect There.
Speaker 1:Either love is or isn't right. We put conditions on love anyway. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:I hope this was helpful. Yeah, i mean. At its core, meta involves generating sincere well wishes and positive intentions for all well-beings, happiness and safety of oneself and others. It is a transformative practice that aims to dissolve barriers of separation, ego-driven desires like we just said and harmful attitudes, fostering a deep sense of connection, empathy and understanding. Meta is not limited to personal relationships, where those who are easy to love, but include all beings, regardless of their background, social status or even perceived enemies. The practice encourages practitioners to develop a boundless, all-embracing love that transcends boundaries, biases and prejudices. By regularly engaging in meta meditation and integrating loving kindness into daily life, individuals can cultivate a compassionate heart, reduce negative emotions, enhance emotional well-being and foster harmonious relationships. Ultimately, the practice of meta aims to create a more compassionate and caring society, promoting peace, understanding and genuine happiness for all beings. Beautiful.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, thanks, zal, this was fun. I feel the loving kindness in this room it's buzzing.
Speaker 2:Nice. Yeah, I don't know where it's coming from.
Speaker 1:It must be you, the listeners. So thanks for giving it back And if you guys liked this episode, please like, comment, subscribe and, most importantly, share with others, as collectively We can find a solution to all things health and wellness. My name's Luke DeBoi. This is Zal. See you next time. See ya.