Fear's Dark Secret: Unveiling Its Surprising Benefits

Ever wondered how fear can both alert us to danger and, paradoxically, create unnecessary alarm in mind and our modern world? Prepare to delve into fear and its effect on our body, mind, and overall well-being. Explore how fear can physically manifest as anxiety and stress, and learn how to pinpoint its root causes. We'll also share valuable strategies to manage and lessen its impact. The journey doesn't stop there, as we also discuss the Buddhist perspective on fear as a part of a healthy reality.

Brace yourself as we steer through the potent impact of fear and its potential to isolate us and render us powerless. Learn how understanding and appropriately sizing fear can catalyze positive transformations. We'll also delve into the societal and cultural influences that mold our fears and expectations, leading to unhealthy behaviors. Discover how confronting fear and taking action can inspire and motivate you. We end the episode with a calming grounding meditation to help you inhale love and exhale fear. Join us and learn to navigate fear in a healthier way.

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Zaw Maw — Recovery Collective — Annapolis, MD (recoverycollectivemd.com)
Luke DeBoy — Recovery Collective — Annapolis, MD (recoverycollectivemd.com)

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Explore a mindful path with Zaw Maw's coaching—Foster balance, healing, recovery, and meditation in your life's journey through his supportive and wisdom-based guidance.

Explore a mindful path with Zaw Maw's coaching—Foster balance, healing, recovery, and meditation in your life's journey through his supportive and wisdom-based guidance.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:05

Welcome to A Therapist the Buddhist and you brought to you by the Recovery Collective in Annapolis, maryland. Welcome to another engaging episode where we explore holistic approaches to health and wellness. Today, we delve deep into the universal human emotion that has both hindered and protected us throughout evolution Saul.

Speaker 2: 0:23

Why is that?

Speaker 1: 0:24

That emotion is fear. Fear is a universal human experience, and understanding it from both holistic and Buddhist perspectives can provide you with valuable insights and tools to address and overcome this common emotion. Whether you're interested in personal growth, mental well-being or simply curious about the human condition, this episode promises to shed light on fear, the intricate nature, and offer practical guides to us on this ever-human emotion. How does that sound, saul? That sounds really good.

Speaker 2: 0:56

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 0:58

Fear, oh fear. Why do we experience fear? Well, often we see it as a negative emotion. It certainly plays an essential role in our lives, doesn't?

Speaker 2: 1:09

it yeah, fear. Where do we begin?

Speaker 1: 1:14

You know I often like the practical right, so I'll explain just a little bit about the physiological aspects. Fear is often our body's way of alerting us to potential danger, but in our modern world it can sometimes be triggered unnecessarily. So as a therapist, I often work with individuals to better understand their fears, helping them identify root causes and developing strategies to manage or mitigate really the potential impact in their overall well-being. Because it can be, whether it's the level of crippling or to the level of unwanted anxiety, that fear can really hinder people, even though it is a very normal emotion.

Speaker 2: 2:00

It's a signal, some kind of intuition that tells me that I'm in danger or safety is kind of threatened. But it can be kind of blurred too if it's not really reflecting the environment anymore, if I'm in a safe environment. But then if I'm kind of misreading the cue, then it becomes like an unnecessary, crippling fear. How does it manifest in physical symptoms?

Speaker 1: 2:28

I mean, no one wants to feel fear, right? I'd like to go through life not experiencing it. I'd like to go through life not needing that physiological reaction that often manifests in the form of anxiety, and in the past talked about that fight-or-flight response that comes up psychologically and physiologically where all of a sudden our pupils might dilate. I have vasodilation in my blood so that way it can pump to its extremities. I might begin to sweat, but that way my lungs can't expand and I can fight-or-flight more. So there's a fight-or-flight response that can happen with fear, physiologically and over time it can now that I don't have to worry about a bear as much as I used to, or a hundred, two hundred years ago that it can often manifest in different ways, like anxiety and other things that we'll talk about today. Let's see other ways that it manifests in different aspects of our lives. But I guess I want to say what does Buddhism say about fear? That kind of strikes my interest.

Speaker 2: 3:41

There are three roots for any kind of negative emotions, and one is desire wanting, craving, loba and then the second one is doda, which is not wanting, and then the third one is moha, which is the delusion, not seeing things clearly. Fear, in my opinion, belongs to that category of anger. Not wanting Fear is about losing something or worrying that. I don't want this, some kind of a repulsion. So that's what makes me think of fear.

Speaker 2: 4:19

And you stumble upon this term, which is a Sanskrit term, and then you message that to me and I had to look that up and it occurred to me that there is a Buddhist chant, one of the protective sutras that I was taught to recite regularly, and it used that word. So it got me thinking and I can share about that chant a little bit later as well. But they are. Yeah, there's a room for fear. I guess that is a good human emotion, but, like from the Buddhist point of view, maybe we'll talk about that down the line, about how to deal with fear and solutions and things like that. But the challenge can be that it is not something that to be eliminated but to be looked at squarely right, there's a reason we have it.

Speaker 1: 5:07

There's a reason why we're not robots and or we're not frolicking through the tulips and just experiencing euphoria. And we are talking about how fear is a versatile emotion and we're certainly saying how we can heighten stress and weaken our immune responses. But let's talk about the types of fear and how I can kind of categorize them. So some common types of fear existential fear. You know what I mean by that.

Speaker 1: 5:35

So this type of fear revolves around the fundamental concerns of life, death and the unknown. It's almost like a philosophical way of looking at things, but an existential crisis. Are you that type of person, or been around people that does have this existential fear? Do you know?

Speaker 2: 5:53

the examples yeah, like for food safety, security, things like that, something that threatened my existence. But in my experience too, maybe this has to do with the identity, to my fear of people, probably speaking things like that that also is very threatening.

Speaker 1: 6:08

That could be like a social level, but it's almost like even larger than that, like existentialism. Why even bother? Why even live? We're all gonna die. You know that. Oh, you live and then you die, right?

Speaker 1: 6:23

So what's the purpose? It's this level of kind of, like I said, concerns with life, concerns with death, kind of morbid way of looking at things, just this existential kind of crisis. Well, that'll release a lot of stress. I often say this if you put energy towards fear and negativity, well, it builds into your stress hormones and they can affect your immune system. When you have this negative, not just a negative, but you're triggering these crises in your life that might not be there. So there is this thing called existential therapy and looking at fears. But the one way I kind of look at it, why don't we look at the healthy part of reality? I call it the great reality. Yes, you could see. Well, we were born and then we die. But what's the beauty of the other side of that coin when it comes to, yes, there's death, but is there any beauty that doesn't have to be fear-based when it comes to living or when it comes to death?

Speaker 2: 7:32

I mean it does make life more precious. You know, in terms of the positive side of fear, that I mean there's danger around from anywhere which creates fear, but at the same time, the safety that we do have in this moment is something that is very precious. It can be taken away at any time, at any point, right?

Speaker 1: 7:54

Yeah, whether it's finding meaning, whether it's ultimately confronting the mysteries of existence, whether it's encouraging people to explore their values, that gives a lot more intention and purpose and feel good than it does while we live and then we die.

Speaker 2: 8:16

I've heard of a story about this individual who was so afraid of skydiving and was just full of fear about that, which is understandable, you know. But he was also describing about the feeling when he actually jumped and that he just felt so free. It's something that he's always been afraid of. He just started free falling. You know, I've only listened to it, I've never experienced it, but what we're talking about kind of makes me think of that too, that you know, fear is a feeling that I want to stay away, which is true, but then, if it's something that becomes exaggerated, it's not the real fear anymore. It's like the, my perception of fear, which can be so trembling and I never want to look at it. But then, from the Buddhist point of view, like mindfulness and meditation, if I get it right-sized and see it as it is, it helps me to be with it. And then what's beyond that is something that I haven't discovered yet you know, that kind of reminds me of that skydiving thing.

Speaker 2: 9:13

When you actually do it, he was like I just felt so free. You know, it's a very experiential feeling.

Speaker 1: 9:20

The initial fear became the freedom. It wasn't all as fearful as he initially felt. It was a lot of acceptance in that. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 9:28

Another way to categorize fear is anxiety disorders. So you might hear clinicians, primary care physicians, psychiatrists, psychologists. There's the generalized anxiety disorder, the social anxiety, the panic disorder. These are all examples of conditions characterized by excessive and often irrational fear. So think of existentialism too. It's still irrational, but not to the maybe, not to the level of catastrophe. It's still bad in the sense of not good or bad. I don't like that verbiage at all. But the concern does not fit the level of fear someone's feeling, which often triggers people's internal critic, which often still gives people this physiological anxiety, stress, hormonal, chronic feeling physically.

Speaker 2: 11:42

Yeah, so there is input coming in somewhere, but it gets exaggerated through the perception and that becomes a reality and it starts triggering these physiological For example, you've got a boss and they just they ask you to hey, make sure you get in that note or email that to Johnny.

Speaker 1: 12:04

And it's just the reality. The fact of that statement is hey, make sure you send that email or get that note in. The excessive worry is oh, he doesn't believe that I'm able to do that, or he must think I'm falling behind, and it becomes excessive worry that may not fit what he's actually saying.

Speaker 2: 12:29

Yeah, sorry, limiting, limiting all the possibilities and the potentials. Fear sucks, Fear does suck.

Speaker 1: 12:41

And really get two categories. Of course there's trauma related fear, like post-traumatic stress, and there's phobias of rational fears, of object situations, spiders flying height, right. So we can categorize fear in all kinds of different categories. Where it's like man, we don't like this. So let's find some solutions, shall we? Yeah, that's a good part. Let's get past the depressant. Well, what is the perspective? You know, we don't have to categorize it. But what does Buddhism say about fear? How to cope and deal and work through, whether a success or fear, or chronic fear, however you want to categorize it. There's Buddhism saying the morality part.

Speaker 2: 13:23

you know, that's how I was taught and that's also what that chant is about. It's kind of a long long compared to other ones, but the chanting is called the Dezika Sutta, which is stressed with the story of the Buddha delivering a sermon to his monks, and he was telling the story. Once upon a time there was this war between different realms of the celestial being, and then there was, like the military leader who was giving a speech to all his officers, that when we get into the field it's gonna be very rough. But when you get the fear that's where that word is used when you feel the trembling feeling, all the hair, body, hair kind of straightening, like that kind of fear, look at my banner. When you look at my banner, that fear will go away. So this is a story that Buddha was saying. But then he was also asking the monks that is that really true? And then the message was that that banner might probably make them lose their fear, but it won't be real because those celestial leaders still have the defilements. There's no purity yet.

Speaker 2: 14:32

So his message was that because there's also a really practical problem that people were having, that when the monks go into the deep forest, meditate in the cave. They're fearful Like they're stark. Some animals might come, so it was like a practical advice for them. So when you find yourself fearful and trembling, his antidote was that think about the three jewels, which is the idea of the Buddha, the Dhamma and the Sangha, and that will take away all the fear. So that's what that chant is about. But I kind of wanna extract that Our reality is our perception and we can choose what we pay attention to. So I might be in a situation where I'm very, very fearful, but if I have a good series of actions that I've taken, I can take faith in it that. Have I ever killed anybody? Have I viciously killed anybody? I haven't. So because of the utterance of this truth, may my fear be taken away, something like that. But like looking at the facts and then taking confidence in those actions which, where the morality and those skillful actions come in.

Speaker 1: 15:37

In terms of that chant, that prayer, that Dharma that is said in the woods. What is the takeaway of that message that they're chanting? They're in the sphere, they're in the woods. It's dark, it's isolative. What is that message about?

Speaker 2: 15:53

It's about almost like an imagination, like almost like a mindfulness, from the point of view of having the ability to bring into mind of what the positive part of the mind is. So, yeah, does that answer your question? Yeah, so like you are in fear, but then you're not eliminating it, but using the power of light or purity from these precious jewels and then being able to set your mind to it, and then it's not really like you're out of the way in a way that you get the energy out of that.

Speaker 1: 16:28

Yeah, it's. How do you get rid of darkness? You let the light in. You might not be eliminating the fear, the darkness, but if you let light in, it might overpower the fear. One way to oppose fear. Well, when I have feared, I often talk to my clients about what is missing and leave it kind of open for a reason. But then we get to I'm void of love, I'm void of connection, I'm void of faith, depending on the amount, or the excessive amount of fear. All of a sudden, the love and the faith and the connection isn't there. Well, how do we shine light on that to overpower the fear? And that's often there. Go back to what we briefly said. The great reality is yes, there may be a healthy amount of fear here.

Speaker 1: 17:19

How do I make that right size and not make it where it's crippling or have it overpower, where I feel powerless and not in control, that I've been removed and void of all healthy power and healthy reality? Well, how do we shine light and allow that to go in and where, if you have more love and connection and great reality, fear might begin to get right size?

Speaker 2: 17:44

if it's not just a chemical imbalance, yeah, yeah, it's a very overwhelming feeling you know, but at the same time, yeah, I like how we're shining like positive light on it, because if I think about my own life things that I've been afraid of, they all came true, but then at the same time, they've always been like a great turning point in my life. I was always afraid of darkness, I was always afraid of being away from my parents, you know, or being away from my culture, or flying far away, you know, things like that. But then they all happen and they all became a turning point for growth more, yeah, more growing, and that's part of self-awareness that we can become so aware of fear.

Speaker 1: 18:37

It can be so intrusive with our thoughts and affect our emotions that we can lose awareness of maybe the thing that can counteract that and being able to see that and be empowered by that. Sometimes I need help. If I could always do it myself, then I wouldn't have to be afraid of fear. I need other people's love. I need some other people's connection. I need other people's perspective to shine light on that a lot of times which is one reason therapy is so valuable to people when it comes to trauma, when it comes to phobias, when it comes to excessive warrior concern or these intrusive thoughts that are to dust mean and how often do people with substance use issues?

Speaker 1: 19:22

One of the things that they struggle with most is fear. It might be disguised as ego or insecurity, but a lot of times it's rooted in a thousand different forms of fear. And when we realize that, then all of a sudden go oh, here's this emotion that I really struggle with. And how do I work through this emotion? For me in my recovery it was okay, I might be able to get sober, but I'm scared to grow up. That gave me a lot of fear.

Speaker 2: 19:50

Yeah, yeah, as you were talking earlier too, like fear can be very isolating, like very alone, and community, as we talked about before, really comes into a very great key role for that. Because not to like normalize fear, but like, when I mean we model what we see right For me, I grew up in a very military dictatorship country where fear was always in the background, and then there is no modeling in my family too, where I've seen, like, my family members expressing fear in a healthy way, you know. So like, because the shame and the guilt and the fear, like am I the only one who feels this? Let me lie about it, let me be dishonest about it. But when there is a model of where somebody like, yeah, this is a human emotion and it's okay to feel fearful, then like you're not too afraid of it because it gets right size, the community part really is helpful for that as well.

Speaker 1: 20:45

So that brings up the societal and cultural influences that shape expectations and fear. Like you said, some cultures, whether it's fear or mental health issues, and some the expression of fear, may be stigmatized, making it challenging for individuals to seek help because it may be seen as weak. Or, you know, we can't show fear because it's unhealthy vulnerability, so it's stigmatized in a lot of cultures. You know, some expectations are you got to show stoicism, that you have to be stoic. You can't show this vulnerability, whether it's a nation, a country, a gender, that there can be societal norms where the culture is oh no, showing any form of fear is a sign of weakness, even though it's a human emotion that everyone feels, even if they try to avoid it. We can't. That can't be normal. That's not showing power or strength. So there's a lot of societal and cultural influences that reinforce, maybe, some unhealthy aspects of fear or being able to get through excessive fear.

Speaker 2: 22:01

Yeah, it can be inspiring, although it can be delusional for some people, right? Or let me pretend that there is no fear, you know, but there's. It can be inspiring because I've seen examples in my life about I like that definition of like. When somebody says it's fearless, it doesn't mean like a fear, but you embrace the fear and then take action anyway you know, and that can be so inspiring when somebody like expresses their true fear, but then go ahead and take the action that he's supposed to take anyway. You know.

Speaker 1: 22:30

So there's a couple acronyms for fear. There's the forget everything and run, or fudge, fuck everything and run right FEAR. Or there's the action that you're saying face everything and recover.

Speaker 1: 22:48

And some people say faith everything and recover. Do your part with the fear, address the fear and go through the fear, not forget it, ignore it, run from it. So there's two kind of both ends of the spectrum when it comes to fear. Another acronym is my last acronym for fear, I promise, is false evidence appearing real. So when I'm in a fear-based state, is it the opposite of the great reality? I am safe that I am okay. I say that my smartest body part I have is my feet, because my feet know exactly where they're at.

Speaker 1: 23:26

Sometimes my head gets me into the future, in the past, and I have false evidence because the past is going to repeat itself, or my expectation is the future is not going to go well, creating this fear-based loop which can lead to generalized anxiety disorder, among other things. So one of my favorite grounding meditations that I give people is I have people breathe in love and then exhale fear out of the breath. Breathe in courage, exhale fear, breathe in faith, exhale doubt and whatever works for them for that, inhaling inspiration and power and light and exhaling darkness and fear and doubt and anything that thousand different forms of fear, and it's just creating this, creating space for light where the darkness was, and it's amazing how that affects the breath, that affects the body, that affects the mind and then, all of a sudden, the direction is going in the right way to deal with fear. One of my favorite just meditation styles yeah, very descriptive and visual.

Speaker 2: 24:44

Yeah, I like what you have said earlier about facing, confronting fear and recover, or taking action, because that's powerful.

Speaker 1: 24:54

You know there's so many things that we can touch on fear. There's the median, social influence and how media portrayal and social narratives can shape just perceptions of fear, and this constant exposure of violence or negativity in the media just increases fear and anxiety. It's great for numbers and ratings, but boy, it just is divisive and just creates this negative and it's contagious. It can be contagious so, even media. I can't tell you how many people I've sat in my office and they tell me what they're scrolling on TikTok and Instagram.

Speaker 1: 25:34

If you want some positive stuff on social media, check out Recovery Collective and our podcasts. We do clips of our podcasts and I sure you're going to give love, light and you're going to get positive things from it. It may not be great for other people's algorithm to find, but man, it's a collective solution to health and it's positive and it's light. I can't tell you how many people that sit in my office and they whether it's this image of parenting that is unrealistic, or this marketing culture of perfection, whether it's for women or men and bodybuilding, or political divisiveness and wars and just all these horrible things that happen. And I tell people stop, get off your social media, change your algorithm, search positive things and light things, and before too long. Either you can change your algorithm to love and light and positivity, or you take a break and detach from it and you feel better. That way too. Both are possible to fuel light and healthy reality and not just the crap that fuels fear, ignites fear.

Speaker 2: 26:46

Yeah, and as we started out with, this is a universal human emotion and it's not going anywhere. So it's better to deal with that, because that's been my experience too, that it's almost like a sense of duty whenever I have a problem. If I ignore it and if it shows up again, there's a reason why it's showing up again, because there is a task being undone. And fear is like that too, except that it gets bigger. So that's what I wanted to follow up with about facing and confronting the fear, because once you've dealt with it, you're good. There will be more fear or more problems down the line, but at least because we get better the more we use that muscle to deal with the fear.

Speaker 1: 27:29

And fear is on a spectrum, so it can be worry, concern, anxiety, doubt to the level of panic and catastrophe and anything in between. So being able to identify what I'm actually feeling and why am I thinking this, feeling this, and being able to identify the control and power I do have and for a lot of people, fear and anxiety is a marker, a flag of okay, what can I control with this and what can I change the serenity prayer grant me this, ready to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can. And there wasn't to know the difference. And there might be fear in there, but there's also faith and power in there as well, and having the ability to know the difference is a healthy way to deal with fear, and sometimes we need help with that.

Speaker 2: 28:24

Yeah, and help is available. And, yeah, this is a good topic, because the fear, the prayer people talk about prayer, which always works, but it's like a change in the thought kind of going back to that story that I was saying about that, Chen is that I guess this is also an encouragement for people who have, like a meditation practice or a sense of community, recovery, community, whatever it is like. After being tapped into it, you realize that we can make a conscious decision, conscious choice of what am I paying attention to? I'm paying attention to this worry, but is this good for me? And I have an ability to choose something else For me from that sutra.

Speaker 2: 29:07

The chat is about asking that question is there such thing as love in this world? And is there such thing as enlightenment or wisdom? And then, when we start paying attention to those things, it becomes more of like oh okay, this is not a dark world. Sometimes we need that shortcut, though, through listening to something or through talking to somebody, instead of trying to get there by oneself. But there is help available in any direction, but it's just a change of thought that we need in that moment.

Speaker 1: 29:42

Yeah, when there's fear, get help if needed to shine in faith and love and connection, and then that drowns out the fear with healthy light. Have compassion. Have compassion for yourself and others. Thanks all.

Speaker 2: 30:04

Yeah, thank you. Yeah, I hope this was helpful.

Speaker 1: 30:07

As we navigate the myriad challenges of uncertainties of life, remember that the recognition of fear, coupled with understanding and compassion, can empower us to live more authentic, courageous and joyful lives. Thank you for joining us on this episode. We hope that our discussion of fear have provided you with valuable insights and inspiration. Remember that your health and well-being are a collective endeavor and by understanding and addressing fear we take a significant step towards a more harmonious and fulfilling life. Stay tuned for more insightful episodes and, until next time, take care and nurture your well-being. And if you're listening to this in November, if you've got gratitude and thanks for us, please leave a comment and a like. Thanks so much. My name is Luke.

Speaker 2: 30:55

Thank you, this is all, take care.