How do we walk the tightrope between parental guidance and giving our children the freedom to explore, make mistakes and learn? This is the question we grapple with in our discussion, drawing inspiration from the age-old wisdom about accepting things we cannot change and knowing the difference. As we navigate this intricate balance, we unearth insights that aren't just beneficial for parents but also speak to our personal, spiritual, and developmental journeys.
This episode shines a spotlight on strategies that encourage child development, focusing on creating a safety net while encouraging exploration and learning. We delve into the importance of understanding and acknowledging a child's emotions and fostering healthy independence. Our conversation also revolves around how certain questions and meaningful dialogues can become empowering tools for our children. Whether you're a parent, an educator, or merely interested in personal growth and human dynamics, this episode promises to offer invaluable insights and perspectives.
Visit our website!
Recovery Collective — Annapolis, MD (recoverycollectivemd.com)
Zaw Maw — Recovery Collective — Annapolis, MD (recoverycollectivemd.com)
Luke DeBoy — Recovery Collective — Annapolis, MD (recoverycollectivemd.com)
New Episodes are released every Monday.
Please send your questions to: luke@recoverycollectivemd.com
Thanks for listening, and please subscribe/comment/review/follow/like; if you think others would benefit from the podcast episode, share with others, as COLLECTIVELY, we can find solutions to all things health and wellness.
The episodes contain content, including information provided by guests, intended for perspective, informational, and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, legal, or other advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you have a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 or 9-8-8
Explore a mindful path with Zaw Maw's coaching—Foster balance, healing, recovery, and meditation in your life's journey through his supportive and wisdom-based guidance.
Explore a mindful path with Zaw Maw's coaching—Foster balance, healing, recovery, and meditation in your life's journey through his supportive and wisdom-based guidance.
How do we walk the tightrope between parental guidance and giving our children the freedom to explore, make mistakes and learn? This is the question we grapple with in our discussion, drawing inspiration from the age-old wisdom about accepting things we cannot change and knowing the difference. As we navigate this intricate balance, we unearth insights that aren't just beneficial for parents but also speak to our personal, spiritual, and developmental journeys.
This episode shines a spotlight on strategies that encourage child development, focusing on creating a safety net while encouraging exploration and learning. We delve into the importance of understanding and acknowledging a child's emotions and fostering healthy independence. Our conversation also revolves around how certain questions and meaningful dialogues can become empowering tools for our children. Whether you're a parent, an educator, or merely interested in personal growth and human dynamics, this episode promises to offer invaluable insights and perspectives.
Visit our website!
Recovery Collective — Annapolis, MD (recoverycollectivemd.com)
Zaw Maw — Recovery Collective — Annapolis, MD (recoverycollectivemd.com)
Luke DeBoy — Recovery Collective — Annapolis, MD (recoverycollectivemd.com)
New Episodes are released every Monday.
Please send your questions to: luke@recoverycollectivemd.com
Thanks for listening, and please subscribe/comment/review/follow/like; if you think others would benefit from the podcast episode, share with others, as COLLECTIVELY, we can find solutions to all things health and wellness.
The episodes contain content, including information provided by guests, intended for perspective, informational, and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, legal, or other advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you have a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 or 9-8-8
Explore a mindful path with Zaw Maw's coaching—Foster balance, healing, recovery, and meditation in your life's journey through his supportive and wisdom-based guidance.
Explore a mindful path with Zaw Maw's coaching—Foster balance, healing, recovery, and meditation in your life's journey through his supportive and wisdom-based guidance.
Welcome back to another episode of A Therapist of Buddhist Innu, where we explore collective solutions to health and wellness. It's all my friendly co-host, they are listening and we're now. It's being released in November. What a time for gratitude, right. And we've got plenty of listeners that turn in weekly. I see you, I know what towns you're in and what states and countries you're in, and we have plenty of regulars. So if you wanted to say thanks to us, and especially if you're in some Apple platform, we'd really appreciate it. And thanks so much if you not only rate us but leave a comment. That would mean so much to us because that would help potentially get to more listeners and, like we say, a collective solution to health and wellness, and we want to reach as much people as possible. So, as humble as I can ask, like subscribe and if you're on Apple, you have the ability to comment, spend 30 seconds a minute while you're listening. Even We'd really appreciate that. How does that sound, though?
Speaker 2:Yeah, sounds good. Thank you all for the support and this keeps us going. It's been a very meaningful, fun thing.
Speaker 1:We're coming up on a year I'm doing this podcast and it's been a fun journey for us and it's been touching. It's been a really meaningful way for us to help people some ways that we know and a lot of ways that we don't hear, but the ones that we do hear from, whether it's locally or regionally, it's still kind of baffles and boggles my mind and fills my cup up with gratitude that we can help people find a collective solution to health and wellness.
Speaker 2:Just a quick note too. I don't know if this is a stretch, but I started seeing effect in my life after starting this podcast. I started living life more mindfully and intentionally, because I want to be useful and everything that I see in my daily life I want to bring it back here, and then vice versa. It's been really cool because this is a channel, a portal for me to share my experience and then listen to you and Luke as well, and then make it as real as possible, because this is not a theoretical course or the pilot. I want to make it as real as possible.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't think people would listen if they didn't feel the same way. I don't think we'd be doing this if we didn't feel that we did this with intentionality and meaning, and practice what we preach right On that note Today. Huh, on that note. Today we're diving into one of life's most profound journeys parenting. The old adage grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference rings especially true when raising children. I'd like to emphasize that, even though I'm a parent, the stories, lessons and experience were about to explore extend far beyond the realm of parenting. As a parent, I've certainly found that these universal themes, life lessons and personal growth insights have enriched my own journey and offered me a deeper understanding human dynamics, decision-making and self-improvement. Whether you're a parent or not, we encourage you to join us in this exploration, because the wisdom and experiences we're about to uncover are relevant and meaningful to all of us, regardless of our parental status.
Speaker 1:In this episode, we'll be discussing the wisdom to know when to let our children make their own mistakes, how we learn from them and when to intervene and teach. This is a topic that parents grapple with daily, and our goal is to provide you with insights and perspectives from both the therapist and the Dita Vada Buddhist point of view. I'm comfortable saying I am not an expert in this topic at all Me neither. Out of all the topics we've done, this might scare me the most. I guess that's a fun part of this. Fun for Zal, I'd use a different word. Our last episode was on fear. I don't know if I have excessive fear, but it's there. This is a we bring you in this conversation because, like I said, whether it's with parenting or decision making or interpersonal relationships with friends and families and coworkers and bosses and parents, there's this dynamic of when do we, when don't we, how do we help, how do we support, when do we take a step back, and that can certainly affect our well being, can it? So let's dive in, shall we?
Speaker 2:Yeah, sounds good. Thanks for agreeing to do this topic, despite your resistance. Yeah, I mean, yeah, it's, I don't know. My intention is to, first of all, you know, to be real as possible, but also, yeah, keep myself accountable and then connect with what I try to bring to my parenting, but also a real life picture of, like, how life is too, but it's the most rewarding, the most joyful, the most meaningful sense of duty, like all these things come, but also very difficult. You know, which is how life is. So I think this is like a really model picture of how things are.
Speaker 1:You know difficulties, and I've said this before that sometimes I feel parenting is a job that just so happens to change every one to two years, with that rewarding, with that connection. So yeah, let's. Here's my first question is all, when it comes to this topic, how do we balance allowing our children to make their own mistakes with the need to guide them and protect them? I mean, there's books written about this, there's people that have expertise on this and it's a question that, like, we can grapple with daily as a parent. How do we balance allowing our children, no matter what the age is, to make their own mistakes with finding that need to guide and protect them?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a great question and also very intuition related, because it's a human connection and especially if it's blood related connection. I mean I wanted to bring this up because it's really related to one's own personal, spiritual or personal development. Whatever journey that you're on, it is expressed in this relationship, which is good news to me, because whenever I find it difficult to deal with them, the more motivation to work on myself, you know, which is also a full circle, because I mean, I'm not at a point where I can learn about these things like real time. It's always in reflection we learn about these things and I try to have a sit down with my kids too afterwards in reflection, and also I try to bring mindfulness to. If there is like a period that I'm spending time with them, where is the point where it gets to that level of frustration or where is the point where it gets to that joyful, you know meaningful, and then kind of reflecting on that has been most useful.
Speaker 1:Are you referring to your frustration and joy or your children's frustrations and joy?
Speaker 2:Probably both yeah, yeah, no-transcript.
Speaker 1:Yeah, part of my mind is I often try to help people see the practical, and part is that is recognizing age, appropriate independence and risk-taking. And I think a lot of our Repeat listeners know we have younger children, have a two and four year old and your children are Five and three. So we've got that young age and certainly our Challenges are much different from people with adolescents and teenagers and adult children. But there are certainly parallels and patterns and and what our role is as Family members and looking outside of children, bosses and friendships and relationships. Where, how much do we do? And right now my kids are, everything's a science experiment. Everything in this world is to experience something. So, whether it's jumping in a puddle to see what happens and do it gives me joy.
Speaker 1:Or do I? Do I go, oh, I'm money now to, oh, I want to squeeze the tooth toothpaste out, and I know as a parent, that, oh, you're going to squeeze all the the toothpaste out. But my four-year-old says, let me do it because she needs to experience autonomy and independence. And when is my patience, tolerance, compassion, understanding for what my role is at that moment, as a parent or a burnt out? I just took my head off from work to hey, how do I be present with my child? All going on at one one singular time and I'm Not conscious about everything I just said in that moment. And sometimes I go, I am tired and let me do it, so you can go to bed, so I can have a break. And sometimes I'm Present as a father and I get to go. You squeeze that toothpaste out and you laugh and go oops, does it go back in the toothpaste? Well, the meta metaphor for life no, sometimes it doesn't.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is. It is difficult. I also think about, there's that concept of equanimity and, in our Buddhist tradition, which translates along the lines of I am not responsible for the other person's happiness, which is a good Line, because that's true. But when it comes to parenting, though, I cannot be indifferent to my kids. You know, I have a sense of duty, a sense of responsibility, which, to me, is passing down what was given to me from my parents, which is also a good challenge to to kind of take an inventory, in a way of like oh why am I reacting this way? Why am I this way? Which goes back to the family of origin.
Speaker 2:But that, so that, that, what prompted me to think about that wisdom, to know the difference, that, yeah, there is a sense of in our, in my Buddhist world, in my Buddhist universe, the reason why they were born in this world, in this time era, to these parents, it comes from the previous actions that they have taken. So they have their own karma For them to get here, and I have no control over it. But at the same time, I have my own karma as a father, where I need to do my best so that I create better karma, which also have positive influence on them. So, like that's the defining line, because you know, this is not like a addiction related, but like we get. We get pleasure out of the sacrifice, the love you know, and it can be very Joyful, but at the same time, being able to separate that with that. Okay, this is me intervening and they were learning, we're connecting, very bonding.
Speaker 1:But also you says as a reference to when I need to step away you know and I'll piggyback off of you and, like I said, I'm not an expert and the parenting world, I don't even think I'm. Even though I've been in the field of addiction and behavioral and experiential therapy and group work for Well over a decade, I still don't consider myself an expert. I just think it's doesn't sit right, not an expert as a parent, but to your point that I'm not responsible for their happiness, but what am I responsible for? So I will provide some information of Experts that are out there and I want to talk about briefly the four s's of attachment. So this is associated with Dr Dan Seigel's famous psychiatry and child's Development and Dr Mary hard sell and they introduced these four s's and their book parenting from the inside out. So they explain how nurturing and responsive caregiving can promote secure attachment and children and Contribute to their emotional well-being.
Speaker 1:We talk a lot about emotional well-being in this episode and this podcast. So I'm gonna break down the four s's and we'll see how it relates to Whether it's you as a parent. But look at yourself in terms of your upbringing when you were a child and did you feel you got these four s's in a healthy way From your upbringing, whether it's from your parents, the people that raised you, your environment, to go. How did this affect my, my attachment, but also how, I think, feel, act, behaviors, okay. So, whether it's you as a parent or you as a child yourself, all right, the first s we're gonna go over for them security. So providing a secure environment and an emotional support for for our children, I feel is vital as a parent.
Speaker 1:In the intro we highlighted the importance of wisdom and knowing when to let children make mistakes and learn, and On their own, versus when to intervene right. So, when this wisdom is essential for creating a secure attachment, that if my child feels secure to Whether it's run outside, jump in a puddle, be around me and my family, if they feel that level of security and safety, I want them to feel that with me. If they feel secure, they're more likely to explore, learn, develop confidence. If they don't feel safe and secure, what happens? Well, they can go inwards. It's not safe to Experiment. It's not safe to jump in that puddle. It's not safe to explore my world and what is the cause and effect, and If I'm not secure to do so, then I am hindered. It's not Not okay to do that. So I kind of I'm going to give this the second one safe Safety is a fundamental need for children. If they don't feel safe in their home, then how do they feel secure to experience life and do certain behaviors to explore? Does this make sense?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
Speaker 1:If it's not safe enough to make a mistake, then how do I feel secure and becoming more independent? Okay Now, these things that happen all the time. Then sometimes I'm short. I got to get to work, I got to beat the traffic, I got to prepare and all I want to do is get you to preschool in time and you just want to buckle your seatbelt, we're running late and I have this appointment to get to and if I'm short enough and go, no, I'm going to do it. Of course that happens. We're humans. But if I don't acknowledge well, sorry honey, I was snapped, we're in a short timeframe here, so we got to do that and she might not understand that time. But creating this environment of safety and security is vital, especially at the developmental ages of a child. What do you think so far of the forest?
Speaker 2:Yeah, those are great because I reflect on my own upbringing as well, that, whoever the caretaker is, I see the world through their eyes and it's also like a micro model of the world, because it's not safe or it's not a good idea to be out in the world by myself without a caretaker, but then it's like a safety net. So there has to be some form of a good impression of the world, so to speak, that it is a secure, safety world. But at the same time, what you're saying is like setting the parameters first and then, within that parameter, they can make mistakes but have the basic needs met first, and are they mistakes?
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely. But developmentally, is a child developmentally supposed to push back on boundaries to see? Hey, you set a boundary but you told me not to draw on the wall. But I'm going to see if it's safe to do so, even though you told me not to. That's actually a healthy thing to do. Hey, you set this boundary. Is this safe to do? Is there a consequence for this? Okay, if there's a consequence for this, how do my parents give me a healthy consequences in a safe and secure way?
Speaker 1:Is a child going to flip shit when you turn off the TV and you told them two minutes left it's time to eat dinner? Well, I want to watch TV. That's not one of the choices. You can either eat dinner or you can play in your room. I want to watch TV. Well, that's not one of the choices. Which one do you choose? Well, I don't want to do either. Okay, are you going to give me the choice to choose, because I'm going to choose this, and then the boundaries are okay, I have enough autonomy to choose. If I choose to go in the room, okay, that's fine. But that means you might not.
Speaker 1:You go to bed hungry and nothing till bedtime snack. And if they do that once, what's going to happen? They're going to be hungry. Now, what do a lot of? I should do a disclaimer. There's just one form of parenting. Okay, I'm not a parent expert, but there's a lot of children nowadays that just eat french fries, pizza and chicken nuggets. So if they've got, well, I don't want to eat this, I don't want to eat that. Okay, I get chicken nuggets every time. Then why? Why explore a different food? I get what I want. If they go to bed hungry two or three nights in a row, they're not going to go starving, they're going to have breakfast.
Speaker 1:I give my children a nighttime snack, and sometimes it was the barrier of I'm still hungry. Well, honey, you chose your food, but you didn't eat it at all. That's why we tell you at dinner time to make sure you have enough to eat. Okay, so they eat the nighttime snack and eventually, after three or four times of not being as full as she wants to do, guess what she does now? She eats enough dinner to get her to the nighttime snack and then she's not hungry. But she also does an act for chicken nuggets and pizza every night. Because here are the two choices that you can have. Well, I don't want that. Well, here are the two choices. What's the consequence? What are your thoughts on that parenting style? I'm not a parenting expert.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but very, very descriptive. And what comes to mind is about the feeling, the connection, right, Like human beings, no matter how old you are, we're always looking for that connection and that connection comes from the feeling of feeling understood. So that's also that wisdom, to know the difference too, that I cannot assume them from my logic because we think differently. You don't see that. So like there's a room for me to put myself in their shoes but at the same time not to their level, like being a child with them.
Speaker 2:That maintain that balance, that, oh, because you know, for us on a day-to-day life, like I made my own head, I look at the world the way I see it, you know. But I got to bring some kind of mindfulness with them because sometimes I'm just amazed and very inspired to how curious they are, questions for everything and the life is so exciting and I got to pay attention to that and then relate to them, to like how they see the world. So like that's what I meant by intuition, that there can be theories, there can be experts saying stuff. But if I'm fully present in the moment, my children although it's hard to do because two of them at the same time and they're talking at the same time, but like when I really pay attention to being present, then like they understand me and I understand them, and that's where that real learning and the bonding happens, when there is a mutual understanding.
Speaker 1:And that's the third S of the four You've got security, safety. And the third S, which you even said the word seen being acknowledging my child's emotions. Experience and efforts are crucial for that building a strong parent-child bond. So when I gave my oldest daughter a choice between two foods and she chose not to eat the one she had, the consequence was you don't get to eat anything until the nighttime snack because this is the time for dinner and then she was upset by that. Now I could downplay that.
Speaker 1:When I have a two-year-old, she has temper tantrums and two-year-old fits. If I ignore majority of her temper tantrums, what am I saying to her? That you should be able to emotionally regulate and because that part of the brain isn't developed, you should know how to do that. So I am not seeing you, I'm not acknowledging you what you're going through. I believe as a parent I get to teach her and acknowledge what she's thinking and feeling and allowing her to express and identify what she's actually going through so I can see, which reinforces her sense of self-worth and importance, that I'm not downplaying her temper tantrum. I may do that 25% of the time because I'm a parent, I'm human, but I have to see her with where she's at, which brings to the fourth S Secure attachment leads to safety, security scene and the last one is soothed Meaning when a child is in distress. I get to help them navigate their emotions.
Speaker 1:She does not have the brain development to know how to emotionally regulate her emotions. Most, not most, I'm exaggerating. A lot of people out in the world do not know how to emotionally regulate their emotions. Why do I think a one, two, three, four, five-year-old is good at it? But because I'm short, Because I need to get in the car and take her to preschool, because I don't always have the compassion and tolerance and go, okay, where's the wisdom to allow her to explore that and where's the wisdom to help take control? So, helping a child, help soothe themselves.
Speaker 1:What's another way to say that? Give them healthy coping skills. What are you feeling, honey? What's the emotion? What do you feel? I'm angry. That's such a good thing for a child to say. She knows she's angry and frustrated. I don't like to be angry and frustrated, so I try to. My character defects or my defense mechanisms kick in through older age. What do you want to do with that anger, honey? So she can't scream all around the house, but she can scream outside or in her room. It's a safe place for her to scream and she can scream as much she wants. Whether it's in the pillow in the room, it's up to her. But at her age she knows when mommy and daddy are talking and she wants attention. And then I say one second, honey, that mommy and daddy are talking, she's angry. Well, the boundary is you need to scream in your room or outside. That takes practice, right?
Speaker 1:It takes some boundaries. But that relates a healthy attachment with the bonding pattern. She can be upset with us and it's still be okay, she's still safe, she's still secure, she's seen Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like that soothing part because it's also a caution too, especially when it comes to core dependency, because if that soothing is mainly coming from the parents, it becomes like an enmeshment, you know, correct, but then kind of leaving up to them in a way of that oh I know, you're hungry, I'm here, I'm in a way, you're hungry or angry or whichever the thing is, well, I'm here also letting them feel it and then soothe on their own. I'm not like a Christian or a God person anyway, but I have a friend who said something that was very helpful and I had to think about it. I had to think that God does not have any grandchildren. I was like, what is it? Even me?
Speaker 2:So I'm not the middleman, I'm God's son and then my kids are God's grandchild. It's nothing like that. They have their own relationship with their own higher power. For me I try to encourage that too, that I'm responsible as a father. But at the end, especially now that I'm in recovery and have my own journey, I want them. All I can do is embody what I strive for and then be a channel in a way, but let them to have their own relationship with that power in a way.
Speaker 1:And this changes developmentally. This can be different times and ages. Just think about how hard it is for parents and certainly genetically in a way that I can't fathom for mothers when a child is screaming and wins the time to not take them out of the bed or the crib when they're screaming. And part of what my wife and I had to figure out together as a bonding pattern of mom and dad bonding pattern not husband and wife bonding pattern, but as mom and dad parent bonding pattern. Okay, our child is screaming when we put her down to go to sleep and when is it time to pick her up and soothe her. But when is the transition? Okay, she's safe, she's secure, she's tired, and part of this is how does she learn how to soothe herself in a healthy way and not rely on the parents, especially mommy? This transitional stage, and that's hard for parents to figure out when is that in the healthiest way possible? Now this evolves.
Speaker 1:Think about it as a boss and one of your person you're supervising or directing or works for you or under you that you're supervising and they're not getting their job done. So there's different language there's. How do you have empathy for them? How do you acknowledge with what they're going through. Now in the business world there's performance improvement plans, there's these conducts and codes and hopefully they say tangible ways. But how do we find that balance of how you got a lot going on, how can we help you? And now it's your part to do your responsibility and transition that, and it's not my job to necessarily sue them the same way that I would my children. How do I have empathy and compassion for what they're going through and still get what the business or the wherever we're working needs? And finding that balance.
Speaker 2:Yeah, in a short I turn into enabling or whatever it is, or codependency.
Speaker 1:You see how the secure attachment can turn into insecure attachment.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was going to say too about that. The scene part is also very key because I mean kids, all the kids think of their parents as superheroes, which is quite normal If they feel safe.
Speaker 1:yes, if they feel secure, yeah go ahead.
Speaker 2:No, but like I mean almost, maybe it can get to the point of idealization. But I think that the key aspect that I want to have been practicing is also the human part of me, that the scene part is that we're figuring out together. I mean, I'm a father and then I know certain things compared to them, but at the same time like that's what I do when we reflect together that there is a sense of curiosity. Sometimes you know it will be in the dark. We get out of the car and I look at the stars with her and it's the same. All that. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how these things happen, and there is that sense of connection when we approach it that way. All that you say, that like there are certain things that I do know, but there are also certain things that we're in this journey together, kind of feeling. This is life. There is that sense of connection through those lands sometimes helps me to connect deeper.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well said, I think we're talking. There's the power of conversation. How do I engage meaningful conversations, whatever age, whether it's our children, whether it's our family members, our coworkers who are supervising? A lot of times I do open-ended questions to encourage them to think about the choices and their potential, whether it's consequences or the power of conversation as an empowering thing as opposed to a punitive thing.
Speaker 1:There's this book from Adele Faber, I believe it's how to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Lesson so Kids Will Talk. I'll say it again the book is how to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Lesson so Kids Will Talk. And that's the power of conversation. And part of what I'm hearing from you is just that. How do I be present and allow the ability to allow that conversation to happen, to have them be seen, to understand with what's going on, to help them with something that's not developed the decision-making part of the brain? So the prefrontal cortex is the decision-making part of the brain and it's responsible for higher order kind of defunctioning and emotional regulation. Well, it's part of the brain that's responsible for emotional regulation isn't developed yet. So I get to be present and help soothe them and help them make decisions, and sometimes it's just a life experiment.
Speaker 1:Oh, I didn't want. My daughter made a project the other day and the stick it ripped. Well, you could imagine like our pet died. I could have left that off, or I could be present with where she's at and help her make a decision. Well, what can we do? Oh, no, I can empathize. What do we do now? And this help is just developmentally, with any age.
Speaker 2:Yeah, again, in good respect, to that connection.
Speaker 2:This is also what I have been kind of hinting at and trying to strive for is the Buddhist principle of the human condition, you know, which is applicable to the world but it's also applicable to parenting too.
Speaker 2:There is less of a separation, if at all, is more of a connection, because I've had some conversations with my mother when I was growing up but I could not relate to, but, looking back, it's just simply the fact that she used to be a child and I used to be a child. So there is that because sometimes parents, or as a child, I thought of, like, oh, they're adults, they don't know what I'm going through, as if they've never been young, you know. But when there is that sense of connection through that, oh yeah, they know, they've gone through this and the more there is that commonalities between the two, the more connection and the more meaningful conversations. And then, and then being vulnerable to, you know, which is a very powerful tool for parenting, which I did not see much in my upbringing. But there is that sense of yeah, I've gone through what you're going through, and then that sense of because you know that's also what kids are looking for too, that sense of belonging and the connection feeling understood.
Speaker 1:I have two very different kids in terms of learning styles. My four-year-old is very autonomous and independent. Let me do it, and we'll want to try it herself over and over before she goes, either gets frustrated or says show me. And my youngest, who has special, some special needs, that she is observant, she has something and might do it once. But if she is completely okay with seeing me showing her and then doing so, it's easy for me to go oh well, I'd love to my both of my kids had the patience and I can show them. And then they do. Well, guess what? Sometimes I need the wisdom, I need the patience, I need the tolerance and the compassion that boy, my kids are different, and that's as beautiful, as it is sometimes challenging.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm glad we're able to have an episode on that. I do. Yeah, I know that we're not experts and but at the same time, you know, we're both new to the parenting, feel as fathers but at the same time feeling very hopeful. You know that. That's also sometimes, you know, I don't really I feel like I could have done better. But my second thought is that I have a really good shot at this, you know, if I keep showing up, because it's a relationship for the rest of the life, you know, which is a good motivation.
Speaker 1:It's the one job title that constantly changes the requirements, the requirements of being a parent changes constantly because they're constantly changing developmentally and emotionally and environmentally. So it's the one thing that I got from you is certainly how do I be present as possible, how do I be present with them and explore those decision-making skills and identify with where they're at and identify where I'm at in the relationship?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah it's just probably a cliche sentiment too and on, but I do want to share for myself and for the listeners too is that wisdom to know the difference can be accessed through love, you know, and sometimes that I mean love is in real love, not just attached. You know, craving love, because sometimes, when I don't know what to do, I just step away for like 30 seconds and then I breathe and then just try to connect with that love, that what a loving father would do here, you know, so that I can be an expression of love. Because they're always learning something from what they see and I would rather them see things that they should be learning. So the wisdom to know the difference come from the undeniably there. Energy all the time is love.
Speaker 1:And is that saying? That Purse says grant me serenity, give me, allow me to have serenity, peace of mind, calmness of mind, because sometimes I want more control and I don't have it, and I know my children feel that way too. It'll be interesting to listen to this one 10 years from now. Yeah, I was going to say five years. This might be more embarrassing than our first episode, which I still yet to listen to Like. Oh boy, what did we say in that first episode?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, it's fine, we did it yeah.
Speaker 1:Remember, no single method fits all children and it's essential to adapt your approach to your child's personality, agent, specific needs and good God get help with this too. So any other thing before we close one up?
Speaker 2:So no, we covered all the best we could.
Speaker 1:Yes, we did Give us feedback, guys. Let us know if this was helpful or if you laughed. Once again, thank you all this month of gratitude. We appreciate you guys listening and be even profoundly grateful. If you like, comment, subscribe, and there is a donate button in the episode description that you can buy us a coffee or a Patreon as well. So my name is Luke and this is Zal. See you next time. See ya.