A Therapist, A Buddhist, and You

The Undervalued Elixir: Gratitude's Impact on Life Satisfaction

November 13, 2023 Luke DeBoy & Zaw Maw Episode 44
A Therapist, A Buddhist, and You
The Undervalued Elixir: Gratitude's Impact on Life Satisfaction
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Ready to reframe your perspective and tap into the power of gratitude? This episode peels back layers of meaning on the word 'gratitude', its Latin roots, and its potential as a potent, natural antidepressant. We dissect the critical distinction between happiness and pleasure, illuminating how gratitude can foster a serene balance of acceptance and humility. We deliver fascinating insights that underscore how chronic unhappiness can wreak havoc on our physical health, with a striking 65 out of 100 adults choosing happiness over health!

We then journey into the enriching world of selflessness, exploring how gratitude is intimately linked with diminishing our ego. Learn the transformative impact of helping others, and discover practical ways to cultivate gratitude. As we approach Thanksgiving, we underscore the necessity of mindfulness, encouraging you to pause and reflect on your actions and emotions. Together, we scrutinize scientific research on gratitude, revealing its far-reaching benefits on our sleep, health, and overall satisfaction in life. Tune in and transform your life through the power of gratitude!

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Luke DeBoy — Recovery Collective — Annapolis, MD (recoverycollectivemd.com)

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to A Therapist, a Buddhist and you, brought to you by the Recovery Collective in Annapolis, maryland. I guess we should highlight the recovery collective a little bit. I feel like, well, one, this podcast probably wouldn't happen if it wasn't for the Recovery Collective. It helps fund the podcast and it gives us a platform and a lovely space, but for the listeners it's probably good for us to tell you that the I guess how I would explain it is all. The recovery collective is basically this podcast and a wellness practice platform. It's a facility, it's a wellness center that basically encompasses what we do in this podcast. It's a place where healing and health and wellness happens, don't you think?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, the synergy.

Speaker 1:

So, as usual, we thank the Recovery Collective for helping kick off this podcast. In this podcast, we explore science, experience and spirituality of living a healthier, happier, more fulfilling life. I'm your co-host and I'm here with the star of the show.

Speaker 2:

When did I become the star Zom all, hey Luke.

Speaker 1:

In this fast-paced, often elusive pursuit of happiness, even though the star might have it as he laughs, we rarely take a moment to appreciate the treasures we already hold. Gratitude, a powerful and fundamental human emotion, offers a perspective shift. It's the key to unlocking contentment and fulfillment right where we are Rooted in the Latin word. Gracia as we pronounce it in English, or glatia in Latin. Gratitude embodies the essence of gratefulness, thankfulness and goodwill. At its heart, gratitude is about embracing a state of thankfulness or a state of being appreciative. It is the cornerstone of positive psychology, guiding us to recognize the beauty in life's positive aspects. Psychologists have defined gratitude as a positive emotional response that springs from recognizing the kindness of giving and receiving from others. But why should you tune in and stay for this exploration of gratitude? Well, because by delving into this topic, you embark on a journey that can profoundly enhance your life. Sounds pretty good, right.

Speaker 2:

Saul.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, positive feeling. So I want to hit on maybe some measurable or some statistical things here and then we'll kind of delve into it. Being November and right around the corner of Thanksgiving, often people see November as the month of gratitude. I figure it's a good time to talk about this topic. I'll give you a survey there was on gratitude. They surveyed adult professionals whatever that means, adult professionals. There's this British psychologist and wellness expert, robert Holden. He found that 65 out of 100, so certainly a majority, 65 out of 100 selected happiness over health. Pretty interesting, right? So they certainly indicated that both happiness and health are equally important for a good life. But they believe that this study suggested that roots of many psychopathological conditions like depression, anxiety and stress are a direct result of unhappiness. To think for people to put happiness over health, that's saying a lot, don't you think?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, health comes when you're happy though.

Speaker 1:

I agree. I mean, if I'm grateful, if I'm feeling thankful, I've certainly am much more likely to be happy and if I'm happy I might not have physical health where it wants to be, but I can still have gratitude and happiness because I can have good health and still be unhappy man. If we have unhappiness it can manifest physically. It can contribute to psychosomatic symptoms such as if I'm so unhappy, it can lead to headaches, digestive issues, gi distress. It can lead to muscle tension and headaches and aches and worsen response and it can just prolong and physically we can feel it physically if we maintain unhappiness, we're in it right.

Speaker 1:

Chronic stress. If we're unhappy, it's a significant sort of stress. If I'm not happy, I can certainly be very stressed, though if I'm happy, I tend to not be stressed. Don't you think If we're consistently unhappy, bodies may respond with stress responses which can affect our health and potentially contribute to stress-related disorders?

Speaker 2:

You're alluding to that relationship between happiness and gratitude, are you?

Speaker 1:

If I don't have it, we certainly can tangibly feel it, and then we certainly talk about this in different ways. Anxiety Chronic unhappiness, can fuel anxiety, so it's pretty important. So much, though, that people would rather have happiness than physical health, and then, if I don't have happiness, it's certainly going to affect my physical health. That's one way to look at it. How do we improve our health? Gratitude, thoughts on that. If, whether it's physical health or mental-emotional health, if I've got gratitude, my things tend to improve.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I'm just still hanging on to the word happiness because I think it can be a little misleading or it can be interpreted differently. But the way we're talking about happiness is a sense of ease and comfort and then accepting things as they are, as opposed to pleasure or a desire to seek after. So again, happy time if you enjoyed my video, which connects more with gratitude.

Speaker 1:

Having happiness within contentment.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, or like finding purpose and meaning that things are the way they are because that's how things are, Because, as you were sharing earlier too, unhappiness comes from that disharmony that, oh, this should not be happy happening. I don't like how things are. That's the cause of unhappiness, the disharmony. There's a tension of how I want things to be and how the things are. So what we're saying about happiness is a sense of harmony that there is more of in and flow, of the way things are, which I think gratitude can create, that in terms of humility, that accepting and receiving, and when we have this form of gratitude, which can correlate to happiness, it can be a lot of things.

Speaker 1:

It can be a natural antidepressant as a result, when practiced daily. Do you practice gratitude daily?

Speaker 2:

I try yeah.

Speaker 1:

So we'll certainly talk about how we cultivate those things, but the attitude of gratitude, the action of gratitude. But there's belief and there's research that says when we practice gratitude daily, it can almost be as beneficial for some, or almost similar to medications. It can produce feelings of long-lasting happiness and contentment. Like you said, it can help with these things. So when we express gratitude and receive the same, our brain releases these things called neurotransmitters, specifically dopamine and serotonin. Those are the feel-good chemicals that are released during drugs, during sex, during working out, meaning a goal, some kind of achievements, even food in some cases. And these two crucial neurotransmitters, dopamine and serotonin, are responsible for things that make us feel good. So when we do express it and when we receive it, it gives us a sense of release, whether it's contentment, like we were saying, or a level of feel-good, or boost our mood. But by consciously practicing gratitude every day, we can help these neuro pathways to strengthen themselves and ultimately create a permanent grateful and positive nature within ourselves. But it takes work, don't you think?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I do want to emphasize on the feeling though, because I'm kind of new to that topic, or I've never thought of it that way until I joined 12-step recovery, and there is a lot of emphasis on the gratefulness. A grateful heart will never find it necessary to drink again, things like that. But then there was also a point where I realized that I cannot make myself grateful, otherwise it becomes like a chore. I need to make a list of all the things that I'm grateful for.

Speaker 2:

There's a list. I'm grateful for my bad, but then it's not really about those words, but it's more about that feeling. It's not even about what I'm grateful for, but it's more about my attitude of like.

Speaker 1:

If that attitude is not there, if that feeling is not there, if it's the opposite of that feeling they've been in that depression, that sadness, that unhappiness, that ungrateful heart. Would it take some form of action? Would it take some cultivate? Would it take a gratitude list to help change it from sadness or ungrateful to contentment, peace or happiness? And I think you're right. I hear you saying that well, man, we need to get there. But how do we get there for the people that don't have it Right?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I mean, when one is new to recovery, one cannot trust his own mind. So that's where the fellowship comes in. They say that joy shares joy double. So sometimes and that's also a learned skill that sometimes you say you're grateful as a way to boost your ego, that oh yeah, look at what I have. But there is like a very humble way of communicating this is what I'm grateful for. But then when you share it with another person, it makes it more real, especially if the other person is like a spiritually fit person, like that person is receptive, and you're like oh, this is actually the feeling that I get. It's more like a learned skill which doesn't come that naturally.

Speaker 1:

So you're a life coach, you're a recovery coach. When someone comes to you who are negative and resentful and sad, and they see you, who often exemplify peace, contentment, just looking at you, right, there's this, he's got some good ascendancies here. Right, that you do the practice, understanding higher self and health and wellness. So when someone comes to you and they ultimately say I'm not happy, I'm not grateful, I'm sad, what's your recommendation to them?

Speaker 2:

Good, good challenge. Yeah, I mean. First of all, it's to empathize that how you're feeling is valid and I'm with you. But this is also speaking out of my own experience that when I'm ungrateful and somebody points out to me that these are the things you should be grateful for, that makes me even not wanna be grateful.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, so it's Baham bug. Yeah, screw you. Yeah, be grateful, be happy, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Because, yeah, that's the trick. We cannot make ourself grateful, you know. But I wanna relate this with the Buddhist concept. Which helps me is that gratitude without getting there yet. A good place to start is to look at the present moment. Right here, right now, wherever you are, there is a sense of interconnectedness.

Speaker 2:

My existence right now is not independent, like the clothes that I'm wearing, the food, hair, microphone, electric city, like everything comes to me you know, I cannot do any of these on my own, but whenever I get to that place and even like people who have showed up in my life, you know people who have helped but anybody's existence right here, right now is as a result of every other thing, and when I connect with that feeling, that gratitude comes naturally.

Speaker 1:

I love the proximity principle when people surround themselves with other people that they have what they want. So if people have a job or a career or a skill set that they don't have that they want, well, if you hang around those people who are doing those skill sets, you're more likely to achieve and reach that for a job or a skill set. Well, if you hang out with people that are more content, happy, serene and grateful, just being around that in proximity and seeing what they do, how they live, how they feel, what they experience, their action, their attitude of gratitude, their experiences, how they cultivate their gratitude, well, guess what? Maybe a little bit through proximity, maybe a little bit through osmosis and energy. But then by doing, you also begin to think, feel and have that skill set too. And that often happens.

Speaker 1:

And we're using the example of 12 step recovery and one of the legacies or sides is unity and support, unity and service. And by connecting with this fellowship and seeing what they do to not only drink or drug but to have a new freedom and a new happiness, as the promises say. How many people say, well, love you too, love yourself, right? The attitude of gratitude, what does all this stuff mean. Well, when you're in proximity of this and seeing what people do, and we'd had a whole episode, a couple of episodes, about the group and the fellowship and the Buddhist word is Sangha, sangha yeah, and that's a part of it.

Speaker 1:

So one way to cultivate that gratitude is to be around grateful people and not miserable assholes.

Speaker 2:

Fair yeah, you are definitely who you surround yourself with.

Speaker 1:

Well, let's talk about how else we cultivate gratitude, because if we could just get it, we would. What else comes to mind when it comes to? Well, I'll give you a quote a gentleman, an English theologian and philosopher, gk Chesterton, and he's kind of known for this agricultural metaphor and he talks about how the pursuit of true happiness and gratitude is much the same as cultivation. To cultivate it. We won't get the desired result unless we nourish and nurture the seeds properly. So the effects of practicing gratitude are not immediate. We know that. Well, drugs are right Getting outsiders herself but these are temporary, so they're not immediate, and then they don't appear magically. But once started, gratitude continues to impact their physical and psychological and wellbeing for years.

Speaker 1:

So, the quote is about what we're talking about, that we have to nourish it and cultivate it for it to grow.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, what I'm thinking is thoughts can lie, but actions cannot lie. So when we say gratitude in action or attitude of gratitude, it's not just a mindset, but what I'm actually doing. So the best way to practice which is why it works so well in the 12-step fellowship is mood follow actions, and I think being of service is also a good way to embody gratitude, whether you feel or not. But when you start helping others, like it's assigned to the universe that I'm helping others because I feel grateful, you know, and then the feeling follows after doing that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, maybe we can talk about how gratitude can be ignited through helping others. What do you think about that?

Speaker 2:

It's great. It really reduces ego.

Speaker 1:

Okay, yeah. So when you help others, I want you to expand on that. I like I know where you're going with it, but talk more about how getting outside of yourself and service to others reduces ego and potentially equates or can get to gratitude.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I guess we can just simply break it down about like feeling ungrateful is equivalent to feeling very selfish. Right, it's not fair. It's all about receiving. There is no giving. Nobody's giving anything that I want. I don't get anything that I want Poor me, what was me?

Speaker 2:

But what I meant by reducing ego is that when I go out and help others or become part of the world, it becomes less about me and it makes me realize, oh, I have so much that I have been given already. And then especially, helping others really makes me think about myself less often.

Speaker 1:

We get selfless in the most beautiful way possible. We Poor, poor me. I call it the case of the me's, the case of the eyes, the wise, and the woe is me's when we're in that. Poor me, woe is me. It's all about how I'm not getting what I want the opposite of gratitude.

Speaker 1:

It's the opposite, it's the antithesis, the complete negative of my life isn't the way I feel like I should have it and that control that I feel like I want or need or deserve. So, when we help others, there's this, this beautiful kind of I'll say spiritual Gift that happens especially if we don't expect anything in return. When we Give freely ourselves, our time, our abilities to help others, and if we don't expect anything returned, somehow we are rewarded With this feel-good feeling, whether it's appreciation, whether it's love, whether it's gratitude, whether it's happiness, and and it's such an oxymoron, isn't? It is such a paradoxical thing, but what a cheat code to gratitude.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I don't know. I guess it will be helpful to give some practical example or practical tips.

Speaker 1:

Well, it's Thanksgiving. What do people often do during Thanksgiving? They devote their time, whether it's to a giving food or filling up pantries, or going to a food bank or donating time, whether it's often you hear shelters or getting produce's that it's not a surprise that this holiday of Thanksgiving is so associated with Acknowledging thanks and gratitude, but also giving yourself in time, whether it's to your loved ones or your community or or or services that that could benefit from your your time in services. It's so correlated in this holiday.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I don't know if I'm biased, because I'm into meditation and I yes, you are biased, but I think that's okay.

Speaker 1:

But it's probably a healthy bias. Go ahead.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, but I think there is an essence in Imposing and really soaking it all in, you know, because things can become so repetitive and habitual that we just do things without really experiencing it, because it's very symbolic about the Thanksgiving holidays and then we do things, you know, taking actions. But there is, there is a beauty and the value in really pausing and experiencing, or bringing your mindfulness to the things that we're actually doing, or the feeling, what's in the air, you know it's so correlated to Vitality, energy, enthusiasm.

Speaker 1:

Even the beginning we even related the Latin word gracious to goodwill and when we have this feeling, we're present. When we feel grateful or thankful, you were so present with that feeling, so that Paul's slows us down, to Feel that wonderful emotion and being.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you know, I always come back to it like, the more I, the more one goes inward, the more one tends to go outward. So I do this a lot. I don't I usually don't relate it to gratitude, but if I think about it it's exactly. That is that when you sit in silence and stillness, you go inward. It makes me realize that this body is keeping you alive. You know, and everything that we've gone through in our life, but the breath never failed to keep us alive, and that, in and of itself, is what makes me grateful right in this moment, like there are just so many things happening in my body that I Don't even understand and that I cannot even control, but it knows what it's doing and it's keeping me alive, and that feeling can be quite Powerful too in terms of gratitude.

Speaker 1:

There's, there's research out there that also states when we go inward, in that in a negative way, with fear and I'll say selfishness, or burden, or me's eyes, the wise, the woe is me's that more pain is likely to happen as opposed to freedom and gratitude and thankful. So much so that, even if you here's the study that conducted evaluating the effect of gratitude and physical well-being. So it was indicated that 16% of the patients who kept a gratitude journal reported reduced pain symptoms and were more willing to work out and cooperate with the treatment procedure. So a deeper dig into the calls unleashed that by regulating the level of dopamine and gratitude and vitality when they focused on gratitude, they had more action for treatment. When they focused on things they were grateful for, pain was reduced. Whoa, how's that for positive energy in the right direction?

Speaker 2:

It's powerful, it's all natural.

Speaker 1:

So natural, so much so it even affects sleep. This is my last one. Here's my last one. Study shown that receiving and displaying simple acts of kindness activates the hypothalamus, thereby regulates all bodily mechanisms controlled by the hypothalamus, out of which sleep is a vital one. So this hypothalamic regulation, triggered by gratitude, helps us get deeper and healthier sleep, naturally every day. So a brain filled with gratitude and kindness is much more likely to sleep better and wake up feeling refreshed and energetic every morning. And I assure you, when I worked with you years ago in one of your weekend workshops, when I did a gratitude and a meditation practice before I went to sleep I did it for almost entire month right before I went to sleep my sleep was better, my energy was better, tangible Tangible I still think now.

Speaker 1:

why do I not do that now? I do not know. So improved sleep it's got improved sleep.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's a very powerful tool. Yeah, and I want to also reemphasize too about the communal aspect of it, that it becomes more real and also the power becomes even more like touching when, because in recovery there's like a gratitude group or people who have like a text message change where they like text each other.

Speaker 1:

Start the day that way, yeah, or?

Speaker 2:

even in a family, you know, before going to bed asking your children what are the things that you're grateful for or what, what were you happy about?

Speaker 1:

that happened today, you know, and that can really hone that positive energy as a communal thing I've said to you guys before that this whole year is the first time in my life that I've had a gratitude buddy, and we've done it since the beginning of January of this year and it's been noticeably different in terms of my mood, my ability to connect, support whether it's in a rough day and we start that gratitude awareness or we're connecting to someone has been huge. So, whether it's a gratitude buddy or, to Zal's point, gratitude visits, so whether it's a mentor, someone that you just know has that positive outlook upon life that can give you a boost, or whether it's someone that is meant toward you, that you want to spend some time with and visit and give them your gratitude, that is a beautiful way to cultivate more happiness and appreciation and thankfulness and goodwill and gratitude.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, there is no shortage of that, and it's also different from thinking. You know it's not like thinking too hard, because you know I think about, or I try to bring mindfulness from the point of view of paying attention and becoming aware of what's already there, instead of like creating. And it can be as simple as like everything, again, like in this present moment, like the chair that I'm sitting on, like somebody made this and that's why I'm sitting on it.

Speaker 2:

You know, or electric city, you know, or the microphone, whatever it is, they all comes from somebody else who has done it before us and we're benefiting out of that. You know, like that can be like a portal into this abundance of gratitude, because everything that we do have now is as a result of something else who has done it for me.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely. What a beautiful silver lining. No matter how frustrated I've been, whether it's with bosses or coworkers or certainly spouses or family members, what a great conscious time. If there's someone you're thinking about in your life and you're just thinking about them, give them a call, give them a text. Hey, I appreciate you just thinking about you, use that energy and put it out there.

Speaker 1:

I've got one buddy that has been on and off in sobriety and for the past couple months I just throw him a text every once in a while randomly when I'm thinking about him, and it's with positive energy and gratitude and appreciation and just connection and he's appreciating it. I got another buddy of mine that the amount of stress he has because of his work half the time he doesn't text back because he's so busy and he's so stressed because of his work. But just right before this we started recording this I got a text from him saying man, I appreciate the text so much. Love you, appreciate it. And this was after probably five texts that I knew I'd randomly send them and say, hey, just let you know, I'm still gonna send them, even though you're stressed beyond belief, appreciate you. And it's putting that energy out there if your mind sparks of someone that's on your mind, whether if you've talked to them for a while or not. What a wonderful time to cultivate and send a message, whether it's by phone, a visit or a text, and just that appreciation.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I do have a final message, because this is a month of gratitude holidays but it also can be very difficult for some people to decide of the year. Some of my darkest days were the time of the year too, especially when I was an international student, you know.

Speaker 1:

I've never seen snow.

Speaker 2:

I've never felt this kind of cold weather or dark, all these things, but I mean, if you are one of them out there, I do want to carry this message in terms of like, in terms of gratitude, like, whether you know it or not, there is someone out there who's rooting for you, who's crazy about you, and that's always true and that makes me grateful, even if I have like the worst attitude about myself or like about that, the way things are. But there is someone out there, either who have who you have met or who you are about to meet, but there is someone out there who is rooting for you, who wants nothing but the best for you. You know, and it's something that you can connect, like in this moment and feel it. There's someone out there. Maybe you can even think of somebody you know and, no matter what you do, that person's got your back and he's always has trust and hope and faith in you.

Speaker 1:

That's the thought that kept me going you know good, and I'll highlight one other kind of person. If you feel happy, don't shy away from it. Remind yourself that you have worked hard enough to achieve that and if, if you feel that, then you deserve it. Just because, whether it's a family member or a Toxic relationship, or someone who's an energy vampire or a co-worker that doesn't like you, well, guess what? If you feel happy for you, don't shy away from it. Feel happy and grateful for feeling it.

Speaker 2:

If you do feel it, Whoo, yeah, wow, good stuff, yeah. Thanks, luke.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, thanks everyone for tuning in and we are grateful for our you listeners and we absolutely Gratefully do this for free. But if you want to show us your gratitude, you can certainly do so by Looking in the episode notes and there's a donate button. If you want to show us your gratitude that way, you can also show us a appreciation gratitude by leaving us a review and a comment on Apple podcast or any Platform that you're listening to us on, so we'd appreciate that all and, of course, an email if you felt like you were so many you know that's been affected in a positive way by the podcast over this past year. Let us know it can give us a boost of Appreciation and keep us going, because that energy is good for us too. So practicing gratitude is like sharing the warmth of our feelings with both others and ourselves. Through simple acts of kindness and acknowledgement, we not only brighten someone else's day, but also illuminate our own lives.

Speaker 1:

Gratitude is about recognizing the right emotions directed at the right things at the right moment. It goes hand-in-hand with self discipline and motivation. While it might not provide instant relief from life's challenges, gratitude empowers us to regain a sense of control by acknowledging and appreciating our blessings. Gratitude allows us to take the reins of our own lives. As, as Robin Sharma beautifully expressed, gratitude leads to happiness. Happiness enhances productivity, and productivity showcases expertise, and Expertise inspires the world, and I can certainly say there's a lot of love and gratitude. Thank you all for being here and looking forward to wrapping up this first year of this podcast. You want to say thank you all for tuning in. My name is Luke Duboy and this is all. See you next time.

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