A Therapist, A Buddhist, and You
A Therapist, A Buddhist, and You
Thriving Through Change: Buddhist and Psychological Insights into Building Resilience
Embrace the constant winds of change and navigate life's unpredictable waters to survive and thrive. Join us in this transformative episode, where we blend psychological and Buddhist wisdom to reveal practical strategies for resilience and stability.
Discover the power of meditation as an anchor, explore the significance of embracing emotions, and challenge your perspective on acceptance and change. Unveil the art of creating healthy comforts, planning, and adopting the practices of gratitude and equanimity. We introduce the idea of gratitude accountability partners – fostering community and deepening appreciation. Conclude with the empowering notion to meet change with grace, viewing it as an opportunity for growth. Embark on this enlightening journey and equip yourself to flourish amidst life's ceaseless changes. Tune in now to chart your course toward resilience.
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Welcome to another episode of A Therapist of Buddhist and you, where we delve into a collective solution for all things health and wellness. Today, we're venturing into a topic that affects each of us in profound ways Change. Change isn't just a part of life. It's life's heartbeat, the rhythm that shapes our experiences and journeys. After we're embracing new opportunities, navigating unexpected twists, we're seeking ways to stay grounded amidst the whirlwind of change. This episode offers insights and techniques from both psychological and Buddhist perspectives. So if you're intrigued by the art of adapting the wisdom of ancient philosophies and the power to weave resilience into your narrative, then stay with us as we uncover the keys to flourishing amidst the life's transformations.
Speaker 1:Any life is a life of change. We experience transitions in work and relationships, changes in our physical and mental health, and new events in our local communities and our world. Sometimes we know a change will occur, while other times it comes suddenly and unexpectedly. Maybe it's a disappointment, or maybe it's a wonderful surprise. Many people spend great deal of time and energy trying to avoid change, but it will inevitably catch up to them.
Speaker 1:If you can learn to cope with change, you'll lower your risk for anxiety and depression, your relationships will flourish and your body will feel healthier, but if you can't cope with change, only a minor amount of stress can make you feel overwhelmed by life. You might also struggle to set and meet the goals you have for yourself. Being able to cope with change is sometimes called resilience. Though your environment and genes might influence your level of resilience, the amount isn't set in stone. Practicing different ways of thinking and being in the world can boost your ability to deal with change and help you create a life that is adaptive to new places and unexpected events. So let's take a look at a few healthy practices for increasing your level of resilience and coping with change. What do you think, zao?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a deep topic.
Speaker 1:It's an inevitable one until it changes again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, as you were introducing the topic, it makes me reflect on my own life, how change has always been part of it, but also uncomfortable, but at the same time, very rewarding and satisfying and meaningful. It makes life a lot more meaningful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think this one jumps out to me when we were talking about topics this week, because I feel like we're in a season of change. It's time for kids to go back to school. Late summer is going to slowly turn into fall and I think we're all looking forward to that, as it's been dreadfully hot and humid this summer. So, yeah, I feel like change is appropriate for this time of season in our life and as things change around us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's some form of nostalgia for me, because I was just talking to a friend too when I first came to the US. This is the time of the year because it's the beginning of an academic year, incoming freshman that was 2009. So this always brings back that idea, because that was a sudden change for me to move here as an international student and then being in college. So it really encapsulates the idea of change.
Speaker 1:Besides recovery, for you, was this change to hear one of the biggest changes in your life. That jumps out at you as wow, what a big change. What a big change that was.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can't imagine. Yeah, it's a huge change.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So let's talk about this because, yeah, this is going to be very useful for the listeners too, because we'll be focusing more on coping or tools that we use to deal with change because that's really what makes us stronger and also some form of character development to change really shake you, but to make you to be more authentically real. When life shakes you, that's your true self comes out. Otherwise we won't survive, right.
Speaker 1:Sometimes change does shake us, and we've touched on change throughout our episode, so I wanted to highlight and give it its own episode, because it's something we do touch upon a lot in terms of a collective solution to health and wellness. So, like you said, why don't we go back, from the lens of a therapist myself, the psychological therapy viewpoint and coping skills with change, and then we'll get an example for you from the Buddhist perspective? Sound good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sounds good, all right. I'm giving you guys coping skills or things to think of when it comes to dealing with change in a healthy way, and the first one I'll give you is plan ahead. Seems pretty simple, but if you know changes on the horizon, do some prep work. Think about what you might do when an elderly parent falls ill or if your company has been through recent layoffs. Consider how you'll navigate that change. Change is less stressful when you have a contingency plan. The example I often give my clients is it's almost like seeing a slow moving car crash in slow motion and you see it coming, or you see your little one running and you know that they're going to fall. And how can you plan ahead and do some prep work with the inevitable change that you know is in seas coming? Plan ahead if you can.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that is again. It makes me think about coming here for studies. I've never been here, but I did all the preparation, which was better than nothing. Learning how to speak English, that was pretty useful. Or bringing some photos with me or some recipe, so we can. Yeah, changes inevitable, but there are also some changes that are right around the corner where either you've experienced or you've experienced something similar. So, yeah, that's a really good advice because it also promotes some kind of self-esteem and self-respect as well, that if you're late In that something gonna change hits you and you're not prepared, but if it's something that you already know what's gonna happen, it's like a Way of self-care to prepare ahead of time.
Speaker 1:It makes it more bearable. We have four seasons in Maryland. I prepare because, even though I Do a lot of things in summer that I enjoy well in winter, I want to deal with that change and I I Get my winter clothes out, I buy firewood so I can enjoy the fireplace and enjoy being cooped up inside a little bit more during the winter. I prepare for the change ahead. If I know that there may be I can't speak to this one, but a layoff well, a lot. I recommend to a lot of people that if they fear that they're going to get fired for their job, would you like to start looking for a job before you do get laid off? It's planning ahead. It makes that that potential dramatic shift more bearable.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and this is extremely true for People who believe in God, or even if it's God of your understanding I've seen this a lot in recovery that that does the simple believe is that you're being taken care of, you know, so you'll be given all the tools necessary to deal with any kind of change, which I think is very different from clinging on to something to be exactly the same way.
Speaker 2:So like I think it's also a very subtle difference, but very important that the way I like to look at it from a Buddhist perspective is that If I have found a purpose in life and I, if I stay true to it so, for example, I have a job and I get paid by it but then if I'm gonna lose that job, my fear is that, oh, how am I gonna make money? But if I think about it from the theme the purpose like why do I even work? Is to provide service so like if I just stay true to that idea, I will be given another job. It's not like my service is gone. You know the job is gone, but that purpose, the theme of why I do what I do, is still there. So like that really helps with that planning ahead that I am losing something, but there's still purpose behind it. And then higher power, or whatever your understanding, we'll meet that you know, yeah, and this can be used for Anything.
Speaker 1:We don't have to quote-unquote, make assumptions, but there's been enough times in my life where I've collected enough data that there's people that I've worked with that I can assume that they're going to create a discomfort or a change in my life and with that data I can plan ahead. I don't have to make assumptions. I can. I can make the appropriate boundaries or communication so that way I don't have to feel the wreckage of this other person's Lifestyle that affects me directly. That's happens in relationships, that happens with a big move from a different country, that happens with a change of season.
Speaker 1:Yeah right now I'm literally trying to, as school starts for my my little one. She's going to preschool for the first time is going to be a big change for us as parents, but also for her. So we're spending this whole weekend making a plan. We showed her the pictures of what her classrooms going to be. We're trying to Set up the conditions for her to get excited. In what she already is, she's in it. Well, we can forward, think and and know how can we make this transition easier for her, and Part of the things that I'm doing is I'm taking my daughter to the school to make the change for my wife a little easier. There's crying in tears and all that stuff, but we're planning ahead. We're talking about it. We're talking about the exciting things that she's going to learn in school for the first time. So we're it's a change for us, but it's a huge change for for her. She's a Kobe baby, so this is a whole new thing. We're planning ahead.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's kind of a cliche thing to say, but I'm gonna say it anyway is that you have everything you need in you to deal with this change. You know what I mean by that is that. You know, of course, in Buddhism there is that idea, anisa, which is usually translated as impermanence, that everything is changing. You know that's the only yeah, that is true for everything impermanence. Things are transient.
Speaker 2:But what is also true about that is that if you reflect on your own life right now, that's as a result of change and you've already acclimated to it. Like we did not get to where we are now, like without any kind of change, so like it's always a series of change that has already happened. Which also where Buddhism and God Center kind of philosophy kind of deviates from each other is that In a God Center philosophy there's a cause of everything things were created but in Buddhism, you know, there's no costless cause, there's no unmoved mover, so it's just a series of change that has occurred infinitely since, I guess, infinitely, meaning there is no beginning. So but if we think about that like change Is that's gonna happen, change that is happening, we already have everything that we need because our brain Acclimates to any kind of change eventually.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know that's the coping skill that you're, you're leading us off with is you pronounce it Anissa which is impermanence, embracing and teaching that impermanence and Normalizing it. I think obviously Buddhism does a wonderful job with that, but a lot of times, you know, in my world I like, I don't like change. I want my comfort factors and and my cozy patterns and rituals and all of a sudden, life creates changes, season creates changes. But to your point, embracing and teaching impermanence that we say it all the time. We might have already said in this episode changes inevitable. Misery is optional. Getting used, and normalizing and embracing, whereas it's pronounced Anissa, impermanence is one way to deal with change.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know if this is related to another item on your list in terms of tools, but what makes me think of as an advice or kind of like reflecting on my own experience whenever I deal with change, is that again, we've talked about this like the human connection. I mean, if I think about impermanence, it's kind of really sad. Right, my parents are gonna die one day, you know I'm gonna have to leave my children one day like these are all very sad, but at the same time, if I really I like the word you use of embracing the impermanence, accepting that this is part of life, it really makes me appreciate life, that the relationships that I do still have with my parents although they're going to pass one day, but the moment that I have with them right now is so precious and same with my children like anything. So for me, that's the flip side of the sadness. It is true that things are impermanent, but it makes everything we do have right in this moment so meaningful and rich and precious.
Speaker 1:Things. One of the principles of here at the Recovery Collective that you don't have to do things alone, whether it's with facilitators and practitioners or other like-minded people going through what you're going through and that's true with any form of change, whether it's our family members, our support group that when we connect through that change it makes it more bearable whether that person is going through the change with us or that's something that isn't changing in our life that we can be getting that connectedness and that collective support with the change.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like to connect that with meditation practice as well, because it is true that everything is changing, but also there is a place. I guess in Buddhist term it's a refuge, that, a place that you go for safety. I mean life is full of change, but it doesn't mean we need to live passively that oh, everything is changing, why do I even care? But there has to be that core refuge or belief like what do I live for, kind of a thing. So that really makes life a lot more meaningful too. So for me, meditation does give me that grounding experience.
Speaker 1:And are you in that meditation? Is that what you're focusing on? Like I'm thinking of a meta-love and kindness meditation. So what's the meditation that you would do when it comes to change?
Speaker 2:It's not the theme of the meditation, but the practice itself.
Speaker 2:That makes sense. It's more like a checkpoint or like a check-in point. So if I structure my day, I guess refuge is a good symbol of what it means. I go and take safety and that's where the stability is and I live out of that. But the example that I've heard of is the Buddhist monk was saying something about use a symbol of pyramids and when you meditate, meditate like a pyramid. What he means by that is that pyramids don't fall, it's just stable. It's very grounding, but also it's something that you can embody, which means that I can go sit. But then if I embody that posture, it's something, some kind of foundation that I've already created for years and years. So when I go in and sit in that symbol, embody that. It can be two minutes, three minutes, but you get tapped right back into it and it gives you that stability and the refuge that we need whenever we go through change.
Speaker 1:So I'll give you my lens through the Buddhist perspective. Coping skill of meditation would be in the meditation practice Remindfulness practice. Observe the change without attachment, which ultimately can reduce the suffering. You're observing the change. You're just acknowledging it for what it is. You're noticing the suffering. My perspective that that's a great, wonderful thing, but I would also recommend take time to reflect what I mean by that. If there's a change, there's a grief process. With a lot of change, you're missing or you're losing something. When we change, we aren't the same. The thing that we liked or did, or a part of, or that we're losing is now gone. I need to acknowledge, or I would benefit from acknowledging, that emotion, being mindful of it, was the form of suffering. For example, we've got Jan-Pak schedules.
Speaker 1:Most people don't take time to mourn what they're losing before diving into something new. Rather than numb feelings of sadness with new distractions, give your thoughts a voice. Give your thoughts and emotions a feeling. Write in a journal, talk with it to a trusted friend, make an appointment with a therapist. We might even consider honoring the loss, even if it's a job that you don't like or a toxic relationship that was abusive. I often help people in those situations where they're frustrated because they're in this grief and they go. Man, this wasn't healthy, but I'm still sad. It's okay. Actually honor that, acknowledge that, yes, maybe it's 50%, 60%, 95% of that relationship. That job was toxic. However, there was this piece that maybe there was this silver lining that you did learn, that you did grow from it, that it wasn't all bad. Let's not ignore that part and take time to reflect on that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, wow. That's a very important piece about grieving the loss morning. It also makes me think of the idea of acceptance that the sadness and the regret comes from oh, I could have done better, or why isn't this way anymore? What you're saying about grieving is that recognizing those feelings but, at the same time, realizing the fact that everybody did the best they could, which also brings back to the present moment too Everybody's doing their best they can in this moment, with all the information they have.
Speaker 1:Here's the beauty If you didn't feel that you did the best, you could make that change. You can now do the best you can in your current situation. You can change that for the better. You can't change the past. You can change the present and the future.
Speaker 2:On that note, I do want to ask you a question, for myself and for the listeners too.
Speaker 1:He just got in his seat groove, so he's really got a question.
Speaker 2:That's the thing about the grief thing. The rural thumb for many people is like yeah, let it go. Why are you still even thinking about it? I don't think that's a very, very sound advice because, like you said, I need to give voice to that sadness. Is there a healthier or more productive way of dealing with those?
Speaker 1:Gosh, we could do and I think we will. I've got someone in mind to join us. Our culture America sucks with grief. We suck at grief, we suck at loss, we suck at death. We suck at grieving because what do we often see or do? We're uncomfortable with it, we avoid it, we get busy when someone asks how things are going. Oh, I'm sorry for a loss, or it's better off this way and in half of it's an insult they don't know it's.
Speaker 1:We suck at it as opposed to embracing it and feeling it and going through the grief process and through the sadness, as opposed to avoiding it and going around it. So, embrace it, like you said, embrace the suffering or the mindfulness that comes with it. Embrace the emotions and allow yourself to be with it, because that is a normal feeling when someone passes or dies or there's a change in your life that's worth grieving over. Go through it. Now, some people hold on to it and that's a whole other thing that maybe we'll do a whole episode on grief and loss and how that can relate to health and wellness and growth. But yeah, go through it. That's my very short recommendation or perspective on it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like that and I also like what you have shared earlier too about, I guess, collective but also connection, that shining light on it, talking about it with a sense of community, especially like in recovery. When we lose somebody which is quite common in recovery communities, especially people dealing with addiction there's always a sense of honouring. When you connect with other people who are mutual friends, we can really honour the life that they lived, which is a way of grieving morning, but also with appreciation. So I like that. But also going back to the meditation practice and mindfulness, is that what has been useful for me? Is that anything that is true, anything that is some kind of a spiritual principle, anything that is true, is true in a small scale and is true in a large scale as well. So that's also what's been very helpful about meditation.
Speaker 2:Is that this is also some form of a quotation from the Buddha is that if I want to know the true nature of the universe, everything is already within this phantom of body you know so like that's also why I love the body-breath-based meditation that anything that I see in my body during meditation practice or in my thoughts, in my breathing, everything that I'm observing, is true in the universe, in my world, in my life, in my moving from Burma to here, in my marriage, in my kids. You know so, like there's something very uniting and unifying and empowering about that, you know so. That's also what I was trying to say about how important the meditation practice is, because things are being revealed to you in silence and while you're observing, which gives you a preparation that, oh, this is how things are, this is the nature of things. So I'm not surprised when I see that outside of me, just the same thing, but different version.
Speaker 1:It's a beautiful way to go through it, as opposed to avoiding it or compartmentalizing and trying to avoid it.
Speaker 1:I'll say yeah, I'll give you another one. Reframe your thinking. This is a very therapist of me, isn't it? Figure out what's going on in your mind when you're feeling sad and break negative patterns. Easier said than done, I understand, but once you become aware of your negative thoughts, you're better equipped to shift them to emphasize the positive. So, for example, instead of I don't deserve this raise, tweak that thought to well, I worked hard for this recognition and I deserve it.
Speaker 1:Another example of an old perspective. To reframe your thinking I'm losing my routine and stability because of this change. Well, one way to reframe it is this changes an opportunity to embrace new experiences and grow outside my comfort zone. Okay, another way to say that is I have to do this change as opposed to I get to do this change. It's where the energy flows. The energy goes. If I put energy towards negativity, well, that's what I'm going to feel the stress, anxiety, resentment, frustration, fear. If my reframe thinking and the energies toward positivity, light, solution, I have a better way of dealing with change. I'm already. My momentum is going in the right direction.
Speaker 2:Yeah, reframing, that's pretty much changing the narrative and that's also why the step work and 12 step work so well, because there are a couple of steps that specifically deal with that, where you review everything, any kind of negative thoughts you've had. When you share it with somebody, that really changes the perspective and the narrative. Same thing, but how I look at it is completely different. But I want to relate that to the idea in Buddhism of this is usually not very appreciated or misrepresented.
Speaker 2:The anatta, which actually is related to atman, actually from Hindu atman, as in well, I don't want to get too technical Well, anatta is the one, so anatta is the absence of the one. So I'm relating this to what you're saying about reframing is that change can be a lot more difficult if I take things so personally. So the idea of anatta is not that, oh, I don't exist, but it's more about like, don't take it so personally. So it helps me to embrace the change more, because otherwise, oh, why did this happen to me? I'm this, I'm that, but it's more like no, this happens to everyone else too, and this is happening to me.
Speaker 1:Is it one way to say it? The concept of selflessness in a healthy way?
Speaker 2:Selflessness. I guess that more translation is the absence of self, which means to accept the illusion of self. So which is different from selflessness? I think it will be helpful to use an example.
Speaker 2:Okay, so like I'm, thinking about when I moved here. So, as an identity, I'm a Burmese person, I'm a son, I'm a friend to my Burmese friends from high school. You know these are all identities and I can be so attached to it. And the more I'm attached to it, the more I will have difficulty dealing with my life here, because I'm not embracing change.
Speaker 2:I'm still that identity, the atta, you know the self. But the another version is that, no, that's part of the evolution, part of the process, and there is no one identity that I can or should associate to Fixly. I'm not just a son, I'm not just a friend, I'm not just a Burmese citizen. These are just multiple aspects of different identities, which also means that the idea that I do have exists, but it's also open for new possibilities and in that way oh, I'm an international student here or whatever that new identity comes in at least creates room for more growth in me. That's what I mean by that, yeah.
Speaker 1:The way I'm taking it is understanding the fluid nature of things. It's going with the fluid nature of things where it takes us and not clinging onto something that can create resistance. Yeah, I like that, Gosh. It makes me want to go down that and understand. Is anatta? Is it something to strive for? How would you describe trying to wrap my head around this? Something to be revealed to you? Trying to be fluid, Something to observe?
Speaker 2:Yeah, but yeah, it's just a concept, okay, it's just one of the natures of things, I guess. Okay, it's not something that we look for, but something that comes to your consciousness, in a way, the more you really observe into the nature of things.
Speaker 1:Kind of like our episode on expanded awareness as opposed to contracted awareness yeah, good.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You can check that episode too, if you'd like. Okay, let's keep going. Create some comfort. How about that? Create some comfort in our life, especially some healthy comfort. Incorporate some stress relieving and enjoyable activities in your day, whether it's relaxing, music, meditate, gym, take a warm bath whatever it is for that self care that can be comforting in a healthy way. Avoid quiet, troubling emotions with unhealthy behaviors such as smoking, drinking, gambling.
Speaker 1:A lot of people go to co-dependency and don't be afraid to ask for help. So create some healthy comforts in your life. When it comes to changes, I always say one of my biggest philosophies in why people go to therapy everybody copes. We're either going to cope in a healthier and unhealthy way, and one reason I see a lot of people in therapy is they don't know how to change with the change. Inevitably they have to change and then they wind up coping in an unhealthy way and they don't know how to one cope in a healthy way and deal with the original change in the first place. So create some healthy comforts, some healthy coping skills. Especially if you can plan ahead, you're more likely to do some healthy coping skills.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's very important. I kind of related to what you shared about time of reflection too, because, yeah, like self-care, what do I enjoy in my life? You know, what do I, what, what excites me, what makes me feel authentic, kind of like hobbies and things that I do enjoy doing. And I might be butchering it, but I have a friend that I talk to regularly. He always talks about because in 12-star community there is higher power wanting us to be happy, joyous and free, and he always break that down into very, very specific. And the way he breaks down about happy is that apparently it comes from a European language or in one of the European language, hop. It means to comfort.
Speaker 2:So like to be happy is to be to have that comfort feeling of being quilted, you know, by a warm blanket. So it makes me think of that, about when you say create comfort, is that? Do I enjoy drinking hot chocolate in front of a fireplace during the winter? Or do I enjoy listening to music? You know, whatever, it is that what makes me happy. And then it's almost like creating that protection and a space where you're like, oh, change is happening. But also there are things I do enjoy. It's more like a quality time with yourself, so I like that a lot and that did help me a lot too in my life. When I go through major changes, it's so important to okay what are the things that I do enjoy to be present in the moment.
Speaker 1:I'm an optimist, but a realist. And there's been times in my life where I had very stressful situations and the way I've comfort myself is a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream, and that might have gone to day two or even day three, but then I have to get to a point. Okay, I sat in this, I experienced the sadness and the grief and loss, and that may not be gone, but I now need to comfort myself in other, healthier ways. So I'm not too hard on myself, but I can't continue that cycle.
Speaker 2:Fair, definitely yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't want people thinking that we're holier than they are, like we got this thing when lockdown. Let's be real, and sometimes you just need to vent to your life coach or your therapist, and that's fine, too Good. What else do you get, saul?
Speaker 2:Yeah, these are all. I'm really enjoying this conversation. What else do I have? It's the concept of equanimity. It's also a translation from Upika Upika. I guess the right translation is the evenness of the mind. It's actually one of the translation is for sublime or for divine abodes, which is one of the components. The first one is the loving kindness and the last one is the Upika, which is equanimity. So that's also very helpful in terms of change.
Speaker 2:Is that not to be like numb and not to be passive, but more of like a evenness reaction? You know, not to be more, not to be less, but like appropriate evenness reaction to change, which is kind of, you know, related to what we've been talking about, about that protection that I don't need to lose my identity, I don't need to lose my integrity, but how do I respond to the change? With evenness. So what I mean by that is that if I am a kind person, or if I'm a creative person or whatever, the quality that I stay true to when life challenges me, I don't need to get out of that way to react to it, you know. So, evenness of mind for me, equanimity is that. How do I respond, from integrity, from the values that I hold true to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, having a balanced mind, dealing with the life's fluctuations and I think my example of ice cream is a good example I can't allow myself to completely go deep into that suck and despair and a gallon of ice cream. I have to bring it back and I have to talk to people to deal with that discomfort as well. I have to find that balance. Is that a fair way of looking at it?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Good, yeah, I set that one up with Mike, ben and Jerry's. I'm not the only one. A lot of these things are okay. Like I said, where the energy goes, the energy flows. One way to say it is count your blessings.
Speaker 1:Another way to say it is if you received a difficult diagnosis or just out of a job, where do we find the gratitude in that? Where's this overlining? How do we share our top three highlights, or the positivity, or the gratitude? How do we find the light and love and positivity in the dark times? Because if we can't find that boy, it can be pretty grim and bleak and pretty depressing and sad and suffering in a way that we can just stay in the suck and it can be hard to get out of. So gratitude, and if I don't have it, how do I surround myself with people that can pull me up until I can pull myself up, that collectiveness, that unity, that connection, that support, because they might have it when I don't? I love the example of man. If I don't have it, I need to be inspired and people give me spirit, people give me love and light and they inspire me when I need it most sometimes, and sometimes that I can reinforce that through counting my blessings or gratitude less.
Speaker 1:I've been doing that since a buddy of mine back in college reached out through social media. As anyone wants to do a gratitude list, let me know. I was like, yeah, sure, why not? I know this is not going to hurt, it's only going to help me, and it's been doing it since January 1st and we're almost in September and it's been amazing how many times, whether it's him on his end or my end, we've had a bad couple of days or just a rough day, and then we get that, that text the other person doing the gratitude and it instantly makes me stop and I have to reframe my thinking and give a gratitude, something that I'm grateful for. And boy, I can't.
Speaker 1:I think this gets downplayed of how significant having a gratitude partner, a gratitude buddy, to do so. Listeners, if you think this is, this can help you find someone a family member, a friend, someone you went to college with, you haven't talked, whatever, whoever it is. Do a gratitude check every day, whether it's the beginning of the day or end of the day, and you will notice a change, because there's been times where I've had dates, we've had a year, a lot of stressful things happen in a year where I get that text and I go and I instantly have to re-change my thinking. And then I do so and it's like wow, looking back it goes that really helped. So gratitude, gratitude lists, a gratitude accountability partner is a wonderful way to deal with any kind of change or stress in your life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a very good point that you're emphasizing especially the part about the sense of community, sense of sharing and listening gratitude lists, because I've noticed that notice the difference how I can make a gratitude list on my own as opposed to sharing it somebody or listening to somebody else's gratitude list, because it's not about the words, it's not about the thought, but it's about the spirit and the energy behind a thought. So, like, because you know gratitude lists can be so mechanical and mundane, right, you know, because you're just, oh, yeah, I'm just gonna list a thing, but like it's not really about the list, it's about the feeling that is generated. Even if it's so, if I stay true to that's the thing that I get. Graduality is contagious.
Speaker 2:I think I want to put it that way Like when you see somebody who's grateful, somebody who's like made a gratitude list with meaning, like you can just feel it the way he says it, and then you can imitate it in my own life. Like I am grateful that I have a bed to sleep At tonight, you know warmth and shelter, but then I can say it in a very Non-feeling way yeah, I'm grateful, but then, like, if I really stay true to the meaning behind it and it's just a feeling that is generated, yeah.
Speaker 1:And I recommend every parent out there to start doing one thing at night before as part of your nighttime routine with your kids, one thing you're grateful for. And it is awesome, awesome to hear your, your kids, no matter how old they are, and you're putting them to bed and and then eventually they start going oh we got to do something we're grateful for. It just changes the tone, the energy. It's an awesome part of the routine, nighttime routine.
Speaker 2:So it's great, that's awesome. Yeah, because, you know, part of the uncomfortable and the pain and the suffering that I experienced from change is not knowing what's happening, like not knowing what the purpose is. But if I stay true to gratitude, it's a feeling of I'm being taken care of. You know, I don't see the bigger picture, but I am being shaped into that bigger picture and I'm okay without seeing it because I cannot see. I would rather not see it because it's always like a pleasant surprise, you know, because you will go through a really sudden turn in your life and you're like, why is this happening? But then later you realize, oh, wow, that's how life Shaved me to be who I am today.
Speaker 1:You know and I'm just piggybacking off what you're saying but to be eventually grateful for the changes that we don't want in our life, to see, the positivity or the growth that comes from darkness that we have the ability to go through, that's a powerful skill to have in life, or Maybe it's not skill or opportunity. We called it in a previous episode that every problem has a solution and whether it's a spiritual solution or a A positive change, even in the negative, that's amazing. We talked we. I'll just highlight some of the other episodes that we highlighted this in the forgiveness episode. You know, how do you forgive someone that has unbelievably hurt you? How do you deal with that change? It is hard. So we've, we've touched upon this in a bunch of our episodes and it's what you're saying. It's just so powerful that even in the darkness and the, the, the justifiable Wrongs that man, there can be a positive silver lining in that Gratitude even.
Speaker 2:Such a powerful concept. Yeah, gratitude and action. Do you have any more on your list?
Speaker 1:Maybe we should Close with one of yours, maybe the love and kindness, how that can.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we can end with that too, but I do. There's another thought that I want to end with, actually, uh, I don't know if it's Buddhist related, but I'm just reflecting on my own life about how important. I don't know how this will land with the listeners, but Whenever change happens, the most important thing is to find my authentic self. I don't know how that concept lands with people who are listening, but, uh, I don't think it violates any religion. Like people who believe in God, who doesn't believe, it doesn't even matter. Like connecting with who you truly are. It can be an idea of God, it can be anything For me, like change is an opportunity for that to look within, you know, to look like oh, why am I here?
Speaker 2:You know, um, not in like a depressive way, why am I here? But it's more like why am I, what's my, what's the most, my purpose? And it's not something that is to be created, it's not something that I need to invent, but it's something that's already within me and it comes out and it gets revealed when we go through challenges. I just wanted to end on that note because, um, with or without my permission, I have this like muscle memory every time I go through something difficult, you know, and there is always a theme which is, which has more to do with the Buddhist chanting, and I don't know if I heard this story I don't remember exactly when I heard it, but it's been staying with me is that my, my mother worked for the government Back in Burma and she was a nurse, and then, back then, there was a civil war going on and my mom grew up in a rural area, very Buddhist place, and then, but, she got sent to a northern part of the country when there's ethnic minorities and there's a civil war going on, and she worked for the government hospital, and then there was a raid one day the rebels came and I shot everybody, and then to get the medicine from the hospital and she was very scared and she was like hiding under a table and then in that moment she recited the Buddhist chant that her mother taught her and for some reason those rebels did not see her and she made out of that alive.
Speaker 2:You know, and for me, like that story always sticks with me and I memorized those and I say that every time. I even remember, uh yeah, when I finished high school or exam, or when I was applying for a visa which was very difficult to get a visa to come here, but I used those. And then when I had to leave, or you know, like there's that theme, you know, which is true to me, but it doesn't have to be exactly that, but like One thing that speaks to you and to use that Regularly and it gets revealed to you, which I think is the authentic self that is trying to reveal itself to you. So I want to do that kind of a long-winded Story, but I wanted to end on that note and changed can be growth can be, healing can be spiritual.
Speaker 1:What a powerful story. Thank you for that. Well, as we conclude this enlightening episode on navigating change, remember that change isn't a foe to be feared, but a companion to be embraced. Whether you're approaching it through the lens of psychology or the wisdom of Theravada Buddhism, the essence remains the same changes an integral part of our human journey. In a world brimming with transitions, we hold within us the power to adapt, transform and thrive. From the therapist toolkit to the profound teachings of Theravada Buddhism, we uncovered an array of strategies to blow, array of strategies to bolster our resilience, foster mindfulness and embrace change with open arms. Embrace change not as an adversary but as an opportunity to grow, to learn and to unfold new chapters of your story. Draw strength from within, harness the wisdom of ancient philosophies and remember that you are equipped to meet life's changes with grace and courage. Thank you for joining us in this exploration. Until next time, may your journey through change be marked by resilience, wisdom and unwavering spirit. My name is Luke. This is all. See you next time.