A Therapist, A Buddhist, and You
A Therapist, A Buddhist, and You
Introspection and Triumph: Year-End Reflections
Reflect on the moments that truly shape us: quiet introspection and the triumphs of overcoming personal battles. We've realized how such reflections are cornerstones for forging resilience and were thrilled to share this journey with you. Alongside our candid discussions, Zaw provides a heartfelt perspective on nurturing self-compassion and discovering strength through our connections with others. Together, we navigate the landscapes of mindfulness, celebrating milestones like my own path to sobriety and the unexpected ways we grow when we take the time to look inward.
The evolution of relationships is a profound experience, and we are sharing our own; I hope to illuminate the intricate dance of fatherhood and partnership. Stepping into a more active role with my children and maintaining the spark with my spouse has been both a challenge and a joy. The stories from the past year, including my daughter's eye surgery and the warmth of the holiday season, highlight the nuanced ways we find meaning and direction in our lives.
As we wrap up the episode, the spotlight turns to the community with us, thick and thin, emphasizing the importance of shared experiences in recovery and resilience. My daughter's health journey and the way it has fortified our family bond is a testament to the power of support systems. As we close the book this year, the surprise success of our podcast stands as a reminder of the small wonders that come from gratitude and introspection. Join us in embracing the qualities that prepare us for a new year filled with clarity and appreciation.
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Recovery Collective — Annapolis, MD (recoverycollectivemd.com)
Zaw Maw — Recovery Collective — Annapolis, MD (recoverycollectivemd.com)
Luke DeBoy — Recovery Collective — Annapolis, MD (recoverycollectivemd.com)
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Greetings, cherished listeners. Welcome back to With Airpist Buddhism. You're brought to you by the Recovery Collective in Annapolis, maryland. Feel free to check out our site and the Recovery Collective. You can find a lot of our original articles written by myself in Zoll, and we have a bunch of great things to offer on our website. So go ahead and check out the Recovery Collective. So, zoll, as we stand on the brink of a new year, there's no better time to embark on a journey of reflection and retrospection. Today, we're delving into the art of self-discovery and how it can be a transformative tool for your overall well-being. So, listeners, we want you to participate in this exercise with us. I will ask a question for you and for us to think about retrospectively. That has happened in these past year, 2023. And we'll answer it too. How's that sound?
Speaker 2:That sounds pretty good, let's do it.
Speaker 1:Let's look at the importance of reflection. In the fast-paced hustle of our lives, the simple act of pausing to reflect can be a powerful catalyst for positive change. We want you to join us as we explore the significance of introspection and its direct impact on your mental and emotional well-being. Reflecting on your experiences allows us to unearth valuable lessons, fostering personal growth and even build resilience In a world that constantly demands our attention. This intentional pause can be a cornerstone for your well-being journey. So discover how the practice of retrospection can serve as a mindful sanctuary, reducing stress and cultivating a heightened sense of awareness. So unwind with us as we explore practical ways to bring mindfulness into your everyday life. Zo, I hope you had a wonderful 2023. It's certainly been up and down for me, but I can still look back at it. Finally and I have retrospection and reflection on a lot of emotions and feelings towards this past year, but I do think it's important to pause and be okay looking it back at the year that was, you agree.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this is a good space and trying to feel that energy of the year and it's a good space to do that. So thanks for bringing that up. And yeah, I guess it's always going to be ups and downs in life, but if I think about my year, there has been more stability than not and I think that's a good place to be.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's. I think you and I in our recovery, we have this other yearly landmark or benchmark where we can look at the year that was and that is our sobriety date, and I think that is a time where I more intentionally look back at my year. That was, whether it's for my recovery or just all the things that have happened, and that roundups 365 days, because it's a time where I look at that yeah, I'm sober, I'm not taking a substance, but it's also a time for me to celebrate because I am an alcoholic and addict and part of me is previously at a cellular level, at a brain level, designed to drink and drug, and I no longer do that. So not only do I celebrate that yearly landmark, but I also look back at what happened in that year. But for me now, gosh, what it was like 17 years from that day and what I was going through the day before.
Speaker 1:And I look back retrospectively and reflectively and I'm able to look at that time in the past Holy cow, it's been 17 years and what this year has been. I remember that first year, sobriety, where I felt like my brain had the ability to remember one thing out of every day of those 365 days because I wasn't numbing out for the first time in a long time and I remember retrospectively, looking at like I'm not used to having this kind of memory not being on groundhogs a day and doing the same thing every day and functioning around numbing out or getting higher, trying to get high, so that certainly was a landmark for me. And now being able to do that for this year, the year of 2023, and sit in silence and be mindful of the year that was.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm grateful for this opportunity, because taking time and talking really helps, because it's all about clarity. Clarity as in knowing where I was, knowing where I am, gives me an opportunity to know where I'm going, or at least where I want to go. That's what I like about this. You use the terms of, which kind of struck me about introspection, retrospection. There's something about the spectrum, retro, intro. So maybe we can start from there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I get to inspect, I get to look at it with intention of this past year. So, listeners, remember we want you to participate with us. So, whether you're driving, whether you're at the gym, running, doing dishes, wherever you're at while listening, take the time to inspect the year that was with us. So here's my first question. And we're acknowledging the growth in this past year. So reflect on a dimension of the past year where you've experienced personal growth, so be it in accomplishment and achievement and enhancement, regardless of its scale. So I don't really care how big or small you feel this improvement has been in this past year. I want you to reflect and recognize your progress and the growth that has happened this past year. So I'd like to hear from you. First, zalph.
Speaker 1:A knowledge of growth period in your life that you felt like man. This is an enhancement. This is an achievement that I have experienced, that I am proud of this past year.
Speaker 2:That's a great question. I have lots, but I guess the summary is some kind of expansion in my self-compassion practice. That's been really good for me and that's also something that gives me a reference point when I was struggling or when life was hitting me pretty hard. I did this exercise, which made me realize that my self-compassion was nearly zero compared to that. Also paradoxically, too, the way I gained self-compassion has been not through isolation but through connecting with others. So for me that's been the biggest growth in my year, where I've gained more friends, but I've gained more depth in these friendships, which paradoxically helped me to practice more compassion. I've become more in tune with who I am and looking deeper into it. So that's been something that I'm very proud of and want to acknowledge.
Speaker 1:That's a good one, that self-compassion for yourself and for others. But it sounds like you're saying that grace, that compassion, that tolerance for yourself in this past year, and what does that jump out to you? Are you able to have this level of self-compassion and growth because of the things you've gone through this year? Are you comparing it to the year before? Why does that jump out to you?
Speaker 2:I think about my routine and my actions and it definitely is like a build-up from the previous year. But yeah, it struck me because if I think about my week, it's very properly balanced, which to me is like there's some self-care thing. I think they're all intentional and I don't question it that much and it affects my how. The effect being produced by that schedule is how I feel about myself. So that's why it came. I mean, there's also the schedule that's. A big part of my schedule now is also going to yoga classes, which hasn't been there before. That's also, for me, is a way of self-compassion. Whenever I go to a class, it's like quality time for myself, taking care of myself both physically, mentally and spiritually. So that's why it stood out to me. But how about you, luke?
Speaker 1:I think the thing that jumps out to me the most this past year, 2023, is the growth of the enhancement as my role as a husband and a father. I think that's true for a couple of reasons. One, it's the second year of my youngest daughter. She's two, so we're past that baby, baby, infantile stage with both my children right. So they're getting older and my ability to proactively jump in and play the role of father has been really fun and enjoyable in a bunch of different ways, whether it's giving them the quality time being present in their lives, being that safe, secure male figure, whether it's just tackling and laughing and all the things that come with the early, early experiences past the baby stage with the kids that I'm really enjoying being the role of father, past that baby stage, and I have both of them past that baby stage now. So it's in some ways I don't know if this is just a stigma or stereotype it's, I guess, just getting more fun, not just the diapers and how do I support my wife in terms of her breastfeeding and doing all those things but really get to proactively play a fun role and be present in their life. And that's why I also say husband and the reason why I say husband, it's because I can't sacrifice that role, because I've been so used to being the supportive father in so many ways to my wife and acknowledging which dynamic I am.
Speaker 1:I'm in with my wife and sometimes I am the role of father to our kids together. But I don't want to sacrifice my role as husband to my wife. So sometimes I'm playing the parent role, as father, and I am being more conscious and aware that am I communicating to my wife what I need from her as husband, wife, or as I need in that dynamic, which is a lot of times different from the father role that I communicate to her? So that's been something that full transparency that we have worked on in the couple sessions we had over the year, and sometimes what role that I need to be more conscious of and not sacrifice either. So I think that's something that I've been very mindful of and it's been an enhancement in terms of the bonding patterns I've had with both my wife and my kids. So I'm pleased with that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that sounds really meaningful and fulfilling and I wonder how the listeners are processing this question. But I also wanted to kind of revisit what you've mentioned in the beginning about the benefits of retrospection, the benefits of reflection. Because whenever we pause and kind of look back it makes us realize what's important for us and I used to use the journal writing as a tool a lot and especially when I write down without any filter, when I pull it all down, it's like my subconscious mind at work and then when I read it again it helps me realize these are the things that are meaningful to me. So it gives me a perspective because we can live our year mindlessly, not having an idea, just like drifting around. But when we pause and intentionally look back it makes us realize oh, these are the actions that I took because these things are important to me. So bringing awareness to that helps us to kind of understand deeper level of who we are.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's really really good and yeah, that can be done for goal setting for the next year, but is also really good for journaling thoughts and experiences and failings for the year that was. I agree that's good.
Speaker 2:I know you have another question, but can I interject with a question, since you were talking and I was listening. I also makes me think about, like what are the things that makes you happy this year? Are there things that you've where you found genuine happiness this year?
Speaker 1:In some ways it's been a trying, stressful year, which I'll probably get in the challenging part of last year, but I think finding and it being the holiday season and Christmas time, I think it's been really really being highlighted for me now and that's some of the just the quality time and being present with those family dynamics and and not needing to escape or avoid stressful moments as a father or a husband, because life gets real and stressful sometimes and you know, just seeing now my four-year-old really interact and play and seeing my Maggie, my two-year-old, really come along and make a lot of improvements, with some of her delays, has been really sparking a lot of joy and and just really impressive.
Speaker 1:To see their relationship evolve and seeing their personalities develop in different ways has been really fun to see and just that pure joy and connection that they have with each other as sisters and then us as parents has been really fun.
Speaker 1:And even this time of year you know it's the first time that the four-year-old is really experiencing the spirit of Christmas and exciting, decorating the tree and reading you know the Grench and really engaging in all these activities. And my two-year-old that had an eye surgery last year and her eyes were much better. So in some ways, at two years of age she's experiencing a lot of the things that she really couldn't see her first year because of her eye challenges, and seeing that as a father is just so cool. So I think in some ways the things that were really stressful in the middle of the year have now had kind of like an exhale in my world and just seeing sparks of like joy and, in some ways, normalcy whatever we think of normalcy when we're not experiencing it at the moment having a relief as a parent and as support to my wife as a husband, it's almost like a sense of normalcy where we haven't had for a while. So it's been a good last chapter to the year for us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's great. Thanks for sharing that, yeah.
Speaker 1:So let's go to the next question. All right, listeners, this is for you too. How have you coped with life's twists and turns, especially during challenging moments? So like, reflecting on challenges during retrospection provides, I think, a really valuable opportunity for personal growth and resilience. By acknowledging difficulties, you gain insights into your coping mechanisms and identifying areas of improvement. This self-awareness fosters adaptability, empowering you to navigate future challenges more effectively. Embracing setbacks in retrospection can serve as a catalyst for positive change, fostering resilience and a proactive mindset. So, as challenging as it can be to look at these challenges, it's important to do so.
Speaker 1:That's a heavy one, it hits me hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's simply for me. It's trust in patience has been my new coping skill and I was at a 12-step retreat this past weekend. The workshop leader was saying something and it was minor but kind of related to what you're saying with this question about a traffic light. You know, like when there is a red light, I stop and then I know that it's going to turn green at some point. You know, I feel like that's been my coping skill in the past couple of years, but especially this year.
Speaker 2:Whenever things get difficult, it's like trusting that there is something out there, you know who has the best interest in me, kind of like waiting for that stop light.
Speaker 2:It's not like, oh, it's unfair, I'm going to drive anywhere, you know, but like being patient that there is a reason for this and I'm going to respect this and I'll wait for my turn, you know.
Speaker 2:And then that's been a really good practice for me to trust that it's going to turn green eventually, but also finding an opportunity to strengthen the trust in that moment that let me participate in, you know. And yeah, I guess that's a good thing about recovery and the community is that if I intentionally pause, relax and take it easy, just like I said in the 12 step literature, it gives us an opportunity to kind of look back all the parallels in the previous years that this is just a different version of the same thing that has already happened, that it always worked out because there is something I mean for me in that fellowship. My understanding of higher power is a. It's a benevolent force or unseen force that is always eager to help me. So it becomes that opportunity to pause and reconnect with that. Oh yeah, there's a reason why this is happening and everything is going to be okay. So that's my long-winded answer to your question. Trust in patience has been my coping skill.
Speaker 1:That's a good one In challenging, especially when there's sometimes patience is all that we feel that we can do when we don't have the control that we want. Yeah, and I just alluded to it in my daughter having an eye surgery and that's certainly been one of the most challenging things that my wife and I have dealt with in her life. She's was diagnosed with a developmental disorder called med-13L and it's a developmental delay that affects this chromosomal med-13L, which can lead to developmental delays, intellectual and minor deficiencies in facial features. So that was a big kick in the gut for my wife and I and when it comes to challenges, yeah, that was a big one.
Speaker 1:And it's been certainly a journey and we've been very fortunate that we've got to rule out any brain tumors or roll out heart deficiencies and those are scary things to consider and wait for doctors to tell us that we're going to be able to do that.
Speaker 1:Wait for doctors to tell us if there are other bigger concerns going on. So, as both espouse to my wife in that role and as a father to my children, yeah, that was a tough one and there's a lot of patience and a lot of unknown in the journey of anybody that your loved ones that may have health issues or special needs. So it's been a big journey to to be there for her as she learns how to walk and learns fine motor skills and she's doing wonderful. And it's been a big journey for us and it's um wouldn't want to repeat that part of 2023. And she's a bundle of joy and she embodies purity and love and she has no suffering. So we're very fortunate of that. But it's been certainly a challenging time for my wife and us as we attend a lot of PT, ot speech and appointments and our world certainly got turned upside down in the expectation of what we thought normal is Um grieving. That has been a process too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's good stuff. That's like the hidden gem of challenges, right? It always ends up strengthening the bond that you have. Um, even if you don't have a life partner, you end up creating a stronger bond within yourself, you know. Uh, or if you have a family, that's where challenges really shape the and then strengthen the bond, because that's how we get through things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think, whether I had my wife or not, I couldn't fathom not having other bonds, other supports, because it's impossible to be the one with the large shoulders all the time, meaning sometimes when you're worried about a loved one, whether it's your child or your spouse, for, for whatever reason it might be, whether it's health or other reasons, um, it's not only is it challenging, it's impossible to be the the quote unquote strong one.
Speaker 1:So, allowing myself to be, uh, only 20%, um, only having 20%, and, and my wife having the 80%, or maybe she only has 60%, but it's more than my 20% and and and being able to communicate. Well, that's all I got today. Haha, during those stressful moments was was important for our bond and our, our connection to whether it's us helping each other, us getting the support and the services we need. So it was, um, he definitely walking through a journey of okay, not being okay and not being angry at the other one. Haha, during, you know, we just worried about the, the health and the wellness of your, your child. You know, just one of those stressful moments, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, patience, that's a good, good thing that came up from this conversation so far. I like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that self awareness fosters adaptability, that self awareness can lead to empowering through where we need to be empowered through, and especially during those challenging times. I didn't know I was going to talk about this today, so there we go.
Speaker 2:That's the best part World.
Speaker 1:How about achievements, personal achievements, times to celebrate in this past year, personal achievements, both big and small, recognizing these efforts that we've invested in these skills of our lives to develop along the way. I mean it's important to look at these achievements.
Speaker 2:That's another good one. Do you want to start at this time?
Speaker 1:I need to think.
Speaker 2:You have time to think.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm really proud of this podcast.
Speaker 2:That makes us too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we started this very beginning of 2023. And this is something that we have not just stuck with, but invested time, compassion, intentionality, purpose, and I think we've seen over this past year the good it's done for other people. I think I take a lot of pride that our intention was to give some more of our perspective in a way that we can't do just in written form. That we do, I think, very well when it comes to our articles and blogs that we put on our website and social media, but it gives us a platform to share not only our vision or mission, but our experience, our quote unquote expertise, bringing in people that we feel can help people in different aspects of their life, and I feel it's really cool to do that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm with you on that. I'm glad you share about that. That's really good because that kind of related to the first question you asked to.
Speaker 1:if I think about acknowledging the growth a lot of growth happened within this podcast for me, if I think about it, because getting more comfortable Even learning how to read, read or snip it or an introduction, or like hey, we can talk about ourselves, but maybe we should talk about why the podcast listeners should listen in the first two minutes. Yeah, you caught on light to that one, or at least I caught on light to that one. I mean, I think it's. I'm not big on having expectations. I'm big on intentions and I'm big on goal setting, but I'm not big on expectations because then I might be let down.
Speaker 1:But I think I never could imagine that we would have been listened. This podcast has been listened on every continent in the world. I never thought that we'd be listened to 45 different countries and or territories. I never would have fathomed that we would have been listened to, that we would be listened to in over 550 cities in the United States. I never. It wasn't my goal to have thousands and thousands and thousands of listeners in a year. That wasn't my goal setting for this podcast. And those are just some really cool achievements that I'm proud of.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's great. It does make me think about kind of to generalize this question again, when you ask that question of achievements, it's not contradictory to Buddhism, but it makes me think about like it's not like a competition at the same time. It's more like the gaining of a new skill, like compared to myself last year, something like that, or setting out something that means this meaningful to us, and then doing that anyway like kind of like a healthy achievement, taemin, not like, oh, I'm better than you, kind of competition, you know. So I think that was helpful to it would. Yeah, it was helpful to kind of clarify that too for myself, because if I think about my achievement this year, which is also kind of similar to that self-compassion part, because allowing yourself to celebrate because if you don't practice self-compassion when you achieve things, you're like I don't deserve it or like I got lucky, you know but like learning how to take pride, healthy pride, and celebrating, allowing yourself to feel the joy of the things you've done, that's also a really good practice for us.
Speaker 1:Now, I'm not big on eighth place trophies, but I am big on kids going to school and their job is literally to go to school and get grades where they pass. Now, if you were in work and you hit measurements and you do your annual review and you achieved or strongly improved or above and beyond whatever the measurements people use in their annual reviews that two things often happen when you do a review with your job, you either get a bonus or a raise or you do so well you grow in that field and you get other jobs in your line of work often. So when school grade kids get passing in good grades, that's worth celebrating. And that's not something that I always did, because whether I got a C or a B in the occasional A, I didn't feel the need to celebrate it. That was just quote unquote expected.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm beginning to over. Took me over 10 years, 12 years, to like yeah quote unquote supposed to say sober. But during my anniversary it's worth celebrating because not only do I not drink and drug, I'm able to live life. That, whatever happens, not only do I don't have to drink or drug, but I have a way of life to. I don't have to numb out when I get a diagnosis for my child. But I get to be there and use these principles to help me and my recovery is giving me a way of living life. So, yeah, it's worth celebrating that measurement of time and for me, I believe I put in the work to do that. So, yeah, I'm not big on eighth place trophies or things like that. But when it comes to, you know, children getting good grades, or is it at work? When I was a clinical director, well, I celebrated by getting a raise or a promotion. So, yeah, I am big on celebration.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's important, that's important.
Speaker 1:So why don't we do just kind of? I might put all of these in the show notes, but for the listeners I'll just read through this, but this is just a way to take a moment and reflect on the past year. You know, I encourage you guys to get in a comfortable position, even close your eyes and just take a few deep breaths to send yourself, as long as you're not driving, and consider these following steps. As you give yourself five minutes, like we did around 30 minutes to do an introspection, a retrospection of this past milestone of a year, a gratitude inventory, begin by recalling moments of gratitude from the last year. Identify experiences, relationships or personal achievements that brought you a joy or a sense of fulfillment. We've done episodes on gratitude because of that.
Speaker 1:Challenges faced acknowledge the challenges you encountered. Reflect on how these challenges shaped your character, teaching you valuable lessons and contributing to your growth, that resiliency piece, learnings and insights. Consider what insights you've gained about yourself, your values and your priorities. Reflect on how these insights can guide your decisions and actions. Moving forward, just like we previously mentioned, personal achievements Really do celebrate your personal achievements, both big and small. Recognize the effort you've invested in the skills you developed along the way Areas of improvement. Honestly assess areas where you'd like to see growth. Frame these as opportunities for learning and development, rather than shortcomings and future intentions. Set positive intentions for the future based on your reflections. Outline actionable steps or goals that align with your values and aspirations, based on this inventory. It's a good way to do the retrospection, isn't it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 1:Well, this is the last one of 2023 for us, and this exercise is really designed to help you gain clarity, appreciate your journey and set a positive trajectory for the upcoming year. And I think we did that. What do you?
Speaker 2:think, yeah, this was really good. I hope the listeners got a chance to pause, reflect, relate to what we're saying and also, maybe intentionally, sit in silence or find some quiet time and write things down or check in with the loving force and then, yeah, processing things. I think that will build a good, solid foundation to stand on and then to move forward.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. Thanks for spending this time with us guys. We really do appreciate it.
Speaker 2:Thank you, goodbye, 2023.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. We're excited and I think we can set some goals for 2024, and that'd be good for our health and wellness and overall wellbeing too. Huh yeah, did we just shadow the next episode?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that's what's coming up.
Speaker 1:Thanks everyone for listening and if you like what you hear, please send us a like a comment. It would be really helpful for the algorithm so other people can see this and, most importantly, share with others, because collectively we can do maybe what we can't do by ourselves. My name is Luke and this is Zauh. We'll see you next time. Bye, we will see you.