A Therapist, A Buddhist, and You
A Therapist, A Buddhist, and You
Championing Change: Inside Angel Traynor's Recovery Advocacy
SEAEON 2 PREMIER
New Episodes are released every other Monday!
Have you ever witnessed true transformation? Our latest episode features Angel Traynor, whose journey through the depths of addiction to becoming a beacon of hope in recovery advocacy is nothing short of miraculous. She opens up about her own battles and the critical work she does with Serenity Sistas Sober house and the Annapolis Substance Abuse Prevention Initiative. Prepare to be moved by her story and the invaluable lessons on how community support can ignite change in lives entangled with addiction.
Step into the heart of a community organizer leading the approach to getting things done for people in recovery. Angel's reflections remind us that triumph over addiction is not just a personal victory but a collective one. This episode explores how the initiatives she is a part of are rewriting the narrative of addiction, fostering understanding and camaraderie.
Join us in a profound conversation that goes beyond the statistics, bringing to light the human side of recovery. Angel shares her insights on mentorship, self-care, and the simple joys of a life free from substances. We confront the ongoing challenges of advocacy, from policy change to state-level understanding, as Angel casts her vision for a future rich in support and peace for those on the path to recovery. Tune in to discover the essence of becoming a 'recovery carrier' and the importance of building lasting connections to create a more compassionate society.
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Welcome to A Therapist in Buddhist In you, brought to you by the Recovery Collective in Annapolis, maryland. In the world of addiction recovery, few figures shine as brightly as Angel. Trainer, a beacon of hope, a catalyst of change and a tireless advocate for those navigating the challenging path to recovery. Turn director of Serenity's sister's soberhouse, coordinator of recovery in a rundle and an integral person of the new recovery community center, not to mention a driving force behind the Annapolis Substance Abuse Prevention Initiative and I'm sure I'm missing much more. However, angel wears many hats, each representing a commitment to healing and community support. This episode isn't just about Angel's impressive resume. It's an invitation to witness the transformative power of community advocacy and the vital role of recovery rep round services. Join us as we delve into Angel's personal journey and the pivotal impact of her work at the community, private and even government level. Through Angel's experiences and wisdom, you'll discover the profound difference that community advocacy can make in the lives of those touched by addiction. Get ready for an inspiring conversation that illuminates the way forward, fostering hope and resilience in the heart of recovery.
Speaker 1:We do want to thank you guys for joining us in season two. We enjoyed the break after going 52 plus weeks straight and we're certainly excited to give you all kinds of episodes, special guests and different forms of content in 2024. There are the usual podcast episodes and articles that Zell and I write, and we will be including some other awesome, informative content that we'll talk more about in the future. So please like, comment and subscribe Collectively. We can do what we can't just do by ourselves. Let's get into it with our very special guest, angel. Thanks for joining us for the first episode of season two. Welcome, thank you.
Speaker 2:You know, when you were saying all that stuff about me, I almost turned around to see who you were talking about, because it still doesn't feel real. I was 17 years into my recovery process and it just blows me away that I've come from where I was to where I am. So thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1:Thanks for being here. So how? 17 years? But how did you get involved in this recovery advocacy? When and how did it spark this flame in you?
Speaker 2:You know, early in recovery I, like so many others, I had no idea what to do with myself, where I was going to go, what I was going to do. I was 46 years old and clueless. And, you know, I surrounded myself by a group of people and they're like oh, you should get your GED. And my brain tells me I'm not smart enough or funny enough or I'm too old. And they were like shh, shh, go get the GED. And I did, when I got that, that same thing about college. They're like you should go to college. And I just never imagined myself being able to do anything like that. I mean, I started using when I was 12. By the time I was 16, I had a child. I mean, I just went through the gamut, right, with the things that women do abuse of relationships, raising a baby alone, never feeling good enough. But I went to college really because I didn't know what else to do with myself, right?
Speaker 1:Well, you knew what maybe not to do.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, by then right by then I knew what not to do and I knew by then that I didn't want to do those things anymore. And I went to the community college up here Ann Amrundel and gosh, I started classes to be an addictions counselor, because I think that that's where so many people in early recovery want to be. Sure, there's that spark, Sure, and I'm like I'm going to be an addictions counselor, this is what I want to do. And I got hooked up with a work, study job and I worked for a woman who interviewed me over the phone. I ended up in the office of substance abuse prevention and I'm like, oh my God, she can never really know who I am because, listen, I was an addict, an active addict, for 33 years. It doesn't say a lot about prevention, right? Anyway, she hired me and I mean some days I was like, what am I doing here? Because I'm like making posters and cutting out construction paper. But other days she would take me to places where I'm like, oh, okay, okay, this is cool, Things. Like she would take me into police stations and we would do meetings there and that's. I mean, listen, I come in.
Speaker 2:I have a very colorful past, meaning there was a lot of law enforcement involved, right, and I started doing those things with her and I don't know. In the three years that I worked for her, I was exposed to a lot of different things while going to classes, still, and one of my professors I don't even remember what the assignment was, but the professor was like oh, you're going to work with women. When you get out of here and I'm like you're nuts, I'm never going to work with women. No, and you know, she followed me through and she turned into a mentor for me, that professor, and exposed me to some really cool things when it comes to prevention and trauma crisis, like all of those things. So I was interested, but I didn't, I didn't. I still didn't believe that I was good enough or that I would ever be able to do anything like that.
Speaker 1:So that was like 2008-ish right 2008, 2009.
Speaker 2:2007, yeah, yeah, around 2009, I guess right. That boss at the college sent me to a meeting one day. She was like I can't go, need you to stand in for me? And by then I knew well enough to say, okay, boss, whatever you say. And I went.
Speaker 2:It was the health department up in Glenburne and I walk into this room and there's like nine or 10 people sitting around the table. When I saw them it was a former CO, a former PO, a former addictions counselor, my very first pretrial worker. There's all of these people at the table and I was petrified. But I knew that if I didn't go in, you know she would be upset. So I went in, kept my head low. Maybe what kept me there was I have a very good friend, a musician, here in Annapolis and he was at the table and I was like, all right, maybe I can do this.
Speaker 2:So that was at the time. It was called recovery oriented system of care. The health department took care of it and it's grown into much more. But what happened to me there was I started to find my voice. My personal belief is that when we are in active addiction or early in recovery, we don't know what our voice is. We haven't experienced being able to use it and I found that During that time I picked up that degree for addictions counseling. I picked up another human services, but I also picked up a degree it was human services with the social law, and that's when I started learning about advocacy and about how the world really worked. Sure.
Speaker 3:The red tape.
Speaker 2:Policy, legislature, like all of that, and I was hooked. That happened during that time, like between 2009, 2012. The recovery that Rosk is called recovery and a Rundle. Now I became very involved with that, which is deep in the community, helping to reduce stigma, highlight recovery. I became very involved with them the coordinator but we'll get to that. Well, I mean, I hold that at like the highest honor in the world, right. But I was also introduced to recovery coaching at the time and I started seeing the difference between addictions counseling and recovery coaching, right, and we're both guides. But I'm like a thigh high in the muck, let's get to it, kind of girl and I went with the recovery coaching and I was hooked. I still have those degrees. I've never, ever used them. They hang very nicely on my mother's piece of paper yeah, my mother's.
Speaker 1:I'm familiar with pieces of paper I'm familiar with a piece of paper.
Speaker 2:Extra bedroom is a good time.
Speaker 1:So it's just interesting how you don't realize that this is molding your eventual career professionally, among other things.
Speaker 2:Yeah God, I've had some of the most amazing experiences since then. I'm from Annapolis, I'm an anti-polletin through and through and I can tell you that pre-recovery, a lot of the officers on the force knew my name.
Speaker 1:They knew me by face and Annapolis is a small town pretty quickly.
Speaker 2:It's pretty small. It is pretty small right. Once I entered into recovery and I started doing community work, I have been able to like relink with some of those officers and I get to see the other side right. I was never one of those people that when I was arrested I was never a kicker or scratcher or spitter. I never did any of that. But I get to see the other side right and understand that there's a really important place for that meeting in the middle between law enforcement and those of us in recovery.
Speaker 1:I just think it's so fascinating that so early probably didn't look at it as your career yet, but in your job you saw police officers and a meeting. Is it Providence? Is it odd? Is it God? But whatever it was, it led to a spark. So talk more about that. What are some of the advocacy that? Is it training? Is it them understanding? Where have you took that in your advocacy?
Speaker 2:So First, I think that both sides need to see the other side as human right, because we're all human. One of the first officers that I came into contact with I was in a meeting with that boss. There was a horrific and very tragic accident that happened on Route 50 during that time and it was a carload of kids and it was just. It was terrible. And I go into that meeting. They start talking about that because with substance abuse prevention and working with youth, which is one of the things that I do today we talk about binge drinking, underage drinking, right, car related crashes. This big burly cop comes in, he's in a suit and he starts talking about that accident and we everybody in the room knew about it because it really impacted this area and he started talking about the fact that he was chasing behind the car of kids. It was, they were going the wrong way on 50 and they couldn't follow them too closely and he couldn't stop what he watched happen in front of him. He could not stop it and he started crying and I was deeply impacted by that because what I realized is that he's just human.
Speaker 2:Today he's one of my closest friends in law enforcement and through everything that I've been in my past life watching them, thinking poorly of them, all of the things that come along with the way we think about law enforcement sometimes but being able to work with them on the other side in the community and understanding that they're just humans too right, I think that that has a lot to it. But they also get to see me as human right and I say this all the time. I mean with the officers that I work with, with the director of crisis, with anybody at crisis that I come into contact with. Like I like giving them wins, right, because we don't get a lot of wins when we're working in this area and the wins is what keeps us going. So it's always an honor for me to work side by side with law enforcement. I was just actually put into the position of being the co-chair for the Annapolis Police Foundation and I'm like, all right.
Speaker 1:Full circle are we?
Speaker 2:Okay, full circle. We like that.
Speaker 3:Speaking of full circle. I wanted to say that when I was, I think I was only a few months in my recovery journey and you were the speaker at that popular or highly attended meeting. This was like nine years ago and I remember you from there because you had a color, some kind of color in your hair back then and I really appreciate what you're saying about your journey, which is an important piece for people who are struggling with addiction, which is about recovery is not about just not doing, but doing something else that's meaningful and purposeful. Sounds like that's what you found as well. That kept you going.
Speaker 2:It is. You're absolutely right, and I say this all the time we have to have something to do. When we enter into recovery In active addiction, I was always somebody's mom, somebody's caseload, somebody's girlfriend. I just didn't know what my purpose was. And what I have found over and over and over in almost 17 years of working with individuals is we have got to help them find their purpose. We have to help them find their voice, because once you find your voice, if you use it properly, it can make change, and I know this. I know this to be true because I've seen it happen.
Speaker 1:So you brought that up the Annapolis Police Foundation, their mission to support the Annapolis Police Department directly with resources and strengthen it and augmented services to the community. So that's kind of where you roll in right. Tell us about the Annapolis Police Foundation and some of the work that you're doing with them.
Speaker 2:Well, for the first time in my life I had on a ball gown Right, I'm not much of a ball gown girl, you know. If you look at me and now I'm in sweat pants and sweatshirt with no shoes, because I deeply despise shoes. But we did black tie and diamonds with the Rotary Club right To raise money to help the police department. We want to buy a van right for transporting kids to and from some of the programs. I mean, some of the programs are chess, volleyball, they do after school studies, there's a boxing club, so really we're there to support them in the initiatives that they are doing in the community.
Speaker 1:That's great. You've been involved with the county for so long, from 10, 15 years ago to now. What kind of education or information or perspective have you helped give the police department understanding addiction and things related to recovery or active use?
Speaker 2:I have to say that it really started. I used to sit on a panel, the Not my Child panel. It started in 2015 when people started realizing that the overdoses were going up and that fatalities were going up and, quite honestly, it started hitting. The opioid epidemic started hitting families that you would not. People just wouldn't think it's going to happen there.
Speaker 1:Hence the name, the title oh well, that can happen, but not my Child.
Speaker 2:Yeah, not my Child.
Speaker 1:That wouldn't happen to my Child. So the stigma, the denial, Absolutely that denial, that denial's.
Speaker 2:That's something else. Right, because I know for my own mother, who was a single mom. She raised me for a long time and then she married a man that became my stepfather for a lot of years. But my mom, my own mother, when she had to look, really look at my addiction when I was 44, 45, 46 years old, she had to take a look at herself. Right, what did she do wrong? Where did she go wrong? Things like that and that, for a parent, is tough. What I've had to teach my mom, help to educate her, is that there's nothing wrong with her. There was nothing wrong with me. There was nothing wrong with me. It's what happened to me, what happened to me to make me go down that route. Right, what was the trauma? So it's tough, right, with parents Like I understand that I really do, but that not my Child panel. We became like a family.
Speaker 1:And this is a panel that would be held at high schools and ultimately middle schools, with, quote unquote professionals, police officers, people in recovery that would talk to clinicians. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Students and their parents. We became like a family. I mean, I don't know how many of those sessions I did with officers, with state's attorneys, with crisis, with all of those people, and just taking that information into the community and educating. It's all about education, right? You cannot fault somebody for not knowing something Correct Once you educate them. Now I can be like remember, remember that.
Speaker 1:That's right. No, that's a choice.
Speaker 2:No, it's a choice, exactly so working with law enforcement, it's just one of my greatest pleasures. It really is. That is where. So recovery and a Rundle. And it started as that Roscoe was under the auspice of the health department and the gentleman that headed it up was smart enough to know that it belonged in the hands of the community, not the hands of the government. His name was George Phillips Jr, and George was all about like getting the information out, reducing stigma. We started the annual recovery walk, so we're going into the 12th year for that and we're going along. And it just hit me one day. I'm like how do we expect to educate people and let them know that we do recover? Right? We're out there, we do recover. Oddly enough, we recover and we vote right.
Speaker 1:And we thrive. We're active. We're active in addiction. We do use that energy for good when we're in the recovery process.
Speaker 2:People in recovery are some of the most brilliant people I've ever met in my life. But I'm like how do we expect to just do one event and have people remember us? That doesn't work for me. Again, listen, I recover out loud. I found my voice. I use it and I use it to mobilize people as well. So I was like what about a basketball game between the county police department and a group of guys in recovery? Like how cool is that? That's awesome.
Speaker 1:So now they're competitive.
Speaker 2:Well, and it's weird, right, Because that first year I'm like, hmm, how is this really going to work? Like, are they going to get along? Like what's going to happen out there? I have never seen not much of a sports girl, but I don't think I've ever seen so much togetherness on a basketball court. Because they came together, man, because they're humans. At the end of the day, they're humans, right? We're going into our sixth year of that event and both the county police department and the guys in recovery love that event.
Speaker 1:It's passionate, it's unity.
Speaker 2:Thank God. Well, and listen, I don't know if you know this or not, but people that are in recovery are like highly competitive, highly competitive. And so we took the trophy last year, and this year the game is in April, I think it's oddly enough. I think it's April the 20th, I don't know what being that, because I could be wrong. But yeah, the police department is coming to get that trophy back. They want it back, that's right, you know.
Speaker 1:So gosh, we just, we're, organically, we've hit. We're going to do deeper, with Mr George Phillips here in a second. But you've talked about the Office of Substance Abuse Education and the recovery walk, and that's an annual event that's in downtown Annapolis to raise awareness. You've talked about Rosk. You haven't touched Serenity Sys' yet. Talk to us about that. That started 2012-ish 2012, 2013.
Speaker 2:I knew that there was a gap in housing for women. I knew that there was no housing in Annapolis for women. The closest thing we had was a chrysalis house, and sometimes women didn't fit the criteria because they didn't have a child or whatever the reason.
Speaker 2:So I made the decision that I was going to open a recovery house in Annapolis for women, and it's only through the grace of everything that I am not Right. It's only through the grace of God that it all came together. I was literally a starving college student, right. I think the first batch of money that I got I took out a Pell Grant. I'm probably still paying it off, but it's fine. It's fine right. It's through the kindness of a family whose son was in recovery. They rented me a townhouse. They knew what we were doing. They were behind us Layaway angels these are people that like, go into Kmart or wherever they do layaway. I had put beds on layaway and layaway angels went in and paid it off. Furniture was donated from family and friends and it just all came together. For the first month I had one girl there and she's like is anybody ever gonna come and live with us? And I'm like they'll come.
Speaker 1:We're building it, they're gonna come, and I did and how needed it is in every community, especially for women a safe cultural recovery, safe place with a mindset I can live here, I can put my head to bed, I don't have to worry about anything but myself and my safety and my recovery. And the culture is good for that to be lacking in so many areas, especially. Well, now it's and the Napoli is so rich in the recovery community. But the houses that you built and created I'll say it this way, you set up the conditions is a huge reason why the recovery's so rich here.
Speaker 2:I believe in recovery. I believe that everybody is worthy of recovery. I believe that everyone deserves a safe place to lay their head and a safe place to live right and to thrive right. It's not just about surviving in recovery, it's about thriving, that's right. And house one came along. 14 months later, house two came along, house three and it's funny because that professor that I told you about the one that was like you're gonna work with women and I'm like, no, not.
Speaker 1:She's doing something in scenario.
Speaker 2:That first grand opening of that house, she showed up and she laughed and she laughed and she laughed and she said I told ya, but I, just once it all started, I knew that I was in the right place and I knew that I was doing the right thing. And that was probably the first time in a very long time that I knew deep down inside that I was where I belonged. And then all of a sudden somebody's like you should open a men's house, and I'm like I don't wanna work with men. And then they're like you should open a women and children's house, and I'm like children are sticky. But I did open a women and children's house and we opened up a men's house and pre COVID we were up to seven locations and COVID changed everything for all of us right? I don't know one person that was not impacted by COVID.
Speaker 1:Trying to figure it out in live real time was looking back is going wow, we got through that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think about that. I mean, how many businesses were shut down, how many people couldn't go to work, how many persons early in recovery were back to isolation, which is the worst thing in the world you can do for an addict. Oh God, new and recovery. That's a terrible time. I say it all the time. I've got some girls that got clean on the screen right Because of Zoom, but we were impacted and we were knocked back right. We were knocked down to four locations because somewhere in there in all of that, somebody was like oh, you should open up a crisis stabilization location. And I'm like I know I'm not clinical, I can't do that, but I did. We opened up a stabilization location for safe stations and everything. Just, some people say to me you're so lucky. I'm like, hmm, it's divine intervention. I mean, I believe that my path was laid long before.
Speaker 1:Providence. God has a path. We can step off it, but God has a path.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I stepped off of it, rolled down a few hills, I mean, you know.
Speaker 1:It might be divine intervention, but it can also be a labor of love.
Speaker 2:Well, and then people are like you're so lucky and I'm like, bro, you have no idea how many phone calls I take at two o'clock, three o'clock in the morning, how many parents I talk to that are just at the end of their rope. And you know, I mean when I leave you here today I am going back home to do some billing, like it's not all glory, right, and it's not all fame, and I mean it's all labor of love for me, because I know this is where I'm supposed to be. So we've grown. We've been kicked down a little bit by COVID. We're back to growing again.
Speaker 1:Once again, we're organically just going to oh, here's something else that Angel has helped in the recovery community and a crisis stabilization bed. That's a lot of work.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's intense. That's it, Crisis. It's a gentle place.
Speaker 1:Crisis stabilization is like hey, before someone finds their place, where's a safe place for them to be until an opening is going up for whether it's a residential, a detox, an inpatient, you name it. I mean, that's a very what word do I want to use? Tough time for people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's not a good time.
Speaker 1:It's the nightmare that the client and the family are living in. That's my language, right, but that's the nightmare time for family and they're in the attic.
Speaker 3:And definitely hearing an overarching theme in your story, the way it has unfolded, which is what you were saying in the beginning about the humanness that everybody's human. So like starting with your own story and then law enforcement people are human, addicts are human, but also women are human, and then men are human, and then so like there's that theme which really is the essence of recovery. From my experience too, is that, as an addict or just as a human being, sometimes when we're very selfish, I feel invisible, or either I'm invincible, like there's a disconnection from my humanness. So like everything that you've described about thriving in recovery is all about like the human connection and it's more like a sustainable way of staying sober. Otherwise, just like a ticking bomb. I'm still not in tune with my humanness, I still think everybody else is selfish and I still feel selfish. There's that like wall in between. So like it really and captures the whole essence of recovery the way your story is unfolding and it won't stop right. Like you said, there is that power behind everything that is making everything happen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean and it's the wins too, though it's the wins I recently readmitted a young lady into one of our female sober houses and I don't get as much interaction with our residents as I once did because I get to do the billing end and all of that stuff, but I've got a great staff and one of my staff called me and she was like, hey, you need to reach out to her, she would like to tell you something. So I called her and she said to me first of all, thank you for allowing me to come back. And she said to me I will never, ever forget you because you took an Easter when I was. The name of that crisis house was the Hoyle house. She said you took your Easter and I was at the Hoyle house. I was the only person there besides staff and you came and you had dinner with me and you gave up time with your family and I will never forget that. That's the human.
Speaker 1:That's the grace, that's the connection.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it's things like that and it's I wanna be a recovery carrier. That's what I wanna do. I wanna carry recovery. So I try to teach it, like each one of those people that I come into contact with, that this is what it's all about. This is where you find your voice. This is how you can use your voice.
Speaker 2:Recently, I was approached by the county hey, you've been really successful at running a women and children's house, right, Because we've done that since 2015. They're like what about a men's house, a men and children's house? Now, I've known for years that that is an under non-served population, right, and there are a lot of dads out there, due to the opioid crisis, now have their children because they have to and I don't say that in a callous way, I'm saying mom's not present and dad has the children and dad has to take care of them. And they're like how do you feel about that? And I said, well, I've been saying it for years Like, let me take a crack at it. So Serendipistas will open up the first men and children's house in the state of Maryland. So we're, you know it's. All that stuff excites me. I'm like all right, let's do it. And we're also reopening Hoyle House, but only for women. I can't do Women and men no, thank you.
Speaker 1:After all these years, you've gained relationships and collaboration with the city of Annapolis and Ronell County and others. How, how did you get these collaborations, connections with the county and city level?
Speaker 2:People say to me all the time oh my gosh, you're like, you're so involved and I'm like, no, I'm just real nosy. I'm just really nosy, right, and I want to know. But really the reason I want to know those people is because I want to help educate them. And I learned that in 2015, when I was going through that whole you know, the Not my Child panel realizing how many of our decision makers don't they don't understand or they don't know, or they have their own family secrets that they don't particularly want to talk about. No doubt, right yeah.
Speaker 1:And we're all affected.
Speaker 2:We, every single one of us. I have not met one person yet that has not been impacted by substance misuse.
Speaker 1:And and throwing mental health on top of it, and then it's compounded.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, we're all affected People either don't want to talk about it, they're afraid to talk about it, they're afraid of judgment. The stigma is ridiculous.
Speaker 1:And our own personal stigma as well.
Speaker 2:Well, you're right, we stigmatize ourselves and we, you know, even in the recovery community you'll find it sometimes. But what really got me was I was working under an administration and I, somebody brought this house to me and they're like, hey, you should take a look at it. It's in Pasadena, they call it the compound, it's for sale. You should go and look at it. And I did and it was definitely a compound, but it was in a community in Pasadena. I'm like, all right, let's give it a whirl. I mean, I'm gonna give it a whirl for this. Okay, somebody was angry with me and started going into the community and saying that I was going to open a rehab there. I do not run rehabs, I am not clinical, I'm peer based. And the community invited me in for a brief conversation Just six to eight community members and I'm like all right.
Speaker 1:Sure, I'm an open book, it's easy, it's connection, right yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm an open book.
Speaker 2:I'm like all right, I took one of my employees and my mom, who at the time was probably 70, 71. And she's I mean my mother's one of my biggest advocates today, and she went and I walked into the room and there were, oh, it was not six to eight people, there were 40 to 60 people there at least, and they were angry, right, and I sat there for 45 minutes literally taking shots from the community and some of the words that they threw out that were just not kind and oh, you're going to have mother and children, our children can't play with their children. And I'm like, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:Hard to have grace for that type of and.
Speaker 2:I'm just trying to be nice and answer the questions right, Because I don't want to be perceived as that person, because I quickly remember at the deep down core of me I'm still angel and I still have that. That can come out.
Speaker 1:What I had in the street.
Speaker 2:I still have that right and I know that about myself and I don't want to be perceived. I don't want to be that woman. I was trying to answer their questions. I was being very kind. My poor mom I'm not going to answer these better find because she's watching her daughter and this other girl takes shots right, and it finally took the employee to say to me how long are you going to fucking sit here?
Speaker 3:and listen to this.
Speaker 2:And I'm like I snapped out of it. What happened with that is there was a delegate that was there in the audience who, you know, politicians have to remain neutral. They can't go on one side or the other right. So he was very neutral. He lived in the neighborhood. But there was also a woman there from the county executive's office who called me the next day In fact I think Nick called me as well and they both said I am deeply, deeply sorry for what happened to you last night, what happened to your employee, what happened to your mom. I'm very sorry. Can we talk? That's where I found my love for politics, and how do we educate them in a way that we're not called those people.
Speaker 1:It's the other side of advocacy. That's the gap, the stigma, the resistance, the fear that comes out in anger. That's the other side of advocacy that I'm glad you shared that with us because with all the I'll call it wins, but positive forward momentum, there are a lot of those stories in your 10, 12, 15, 17 years.
Speaker 2:Oddly enough, I end up in places where I'm like how did I get here? You know, I mean, how did I get here? And I get to go in, and I get to talk to our delegates today and my senator and my county executive, and it's so weird for me because they'll be like you're the expert on this, and I'm like again, I'm going to look behind me and say, are you talking to me? Like I'm just a girl man, just a girl trying to stay sober today. You know, but it all comes from finding my voice and using my voice in the right way. That's really. That's what it comes down to.
Speaker 1:So let's take that to a win, and I know you you hold Mr George Phillips Jr in high regard. Why don't you tell us a little bit more about the upcoming recovery community center in the works?
Speaker 2:Through COVID we found out that. Well, we already know, right. We already know that isolation is a terrible place to be for us. But there are those of us maybe who have been in the recovery process longer to understand how slippery and how dangerous isolation can be.
Speaker 1:I remember peak COVID lockdown. I'm painting the wall of my house and going oh, I got to show up on this zoom for this person celebrating because I couldn't imagine having an anniversary on zoom. You're a half leader still on zoom. You know that isolation and trying to find ways to connect. So sorry to interrupt but keep going.
Speaker 2:No, that's okay though, because it's so true, right. What I saw in our houses was you know, now we've got jobs have shut down, 12 step meetings have shut down, we're told to isolate, to stay in our homes, don't touch, don't touch anyone. Listen, I am a hugger, right, and all of that like we're told don't, don't, don't, don't. So what I started to see was my own residents suffering, and I knew that something had to be done. Wasn't sure how to get there. Again, through a series of events, anne Arundel County at one point was chosen, was one of 15 communities chosen in the United States to work with facing addiction. It was all technical assistance, but assistance right, how to community organize? I was still learning. Then in Anne Arundel County was supposed to come up with one goal that we wanted to accomplish. We're super passionate here in Anne.
Speaker 1:Arundel right, so we came up with two. And one one was.
Speaker 2:You may have seen the accordion resource guide. So we have an accordion resource guide and we came up with that. If you ever want something done and you want it done efficiently and quickly, find yourself some moms, because the moms are the best man and this group of moms. They come up with this thing and it's.
Speaker 1:To date, we have distributed over 25,000 of those little pamphlets right when people struggle with resources, referrals, continuum of care services where do we look? So that's so valuable.
Speaker 2:It's wallet-sized I'm sure I don't have one because I give them out everywhere. And then the second was a recovery community center, a place that people could go to get wraparound services. And when I say wraparound services, I mean we come in with things like we don't have a driver's license, we need a social security card, we don't know how to write a job resume, life skill is like all of those things.
Speaker 1:Right, it's not the drinking and drug in that necessarily will get us to relapse. It's the life. Stuff is why so many people relapse.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and how to handle that. And talking about relapse prevention. So we're like, okay, now we have our goals, how do we get there? What do we do? And we, a group of us I don't I do nothing by myself. I always have a group of people that I collaborate with and a grant came up through the state of Maryland and it was a very unique grant. It was a brick and mortar acquisition which you very rarely find those and a group of us wrote this grant and we were awarded the grant and then COVID hit.
Speaker 2:So we have this money but we can't really do anything with it because, well, we're not doing anything. And, like I said, that's when I really started to see our residents suffering. They were suffering. Sometimes they didn't even know they were suffering, right, they had no idea. They just know that they've got this inner whatever it is that's going on making me feel terrible about myself. And we as a team at Serendipist's kicked it into action, emptied out the lower level of one of our houses of beds, we put the beds in other places and we opened up a pilot project and we can only use it for our residents, right, but our residents could go there and get those things and it was super successful.
Speaker 1:What wonderful clientele for a pilot program.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's just everything just worked out really well. We found the first location. During all of this, I loved the buildings. It was two buildings connected. They're on West Street. My team is like those are fire traps. I love this building and they're like mm at COVID really hit. We lost some financial backing from private investors. Anyway, then you know the story goes on. We found another place. If you know Annapolis, you know it's always parking right. Parking's always tragic.
Speaker 1:It's good for horses, but not for.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this city was like nope, you don't have enough parking there. And then we found the third building. We're right where we're supposed to be right. We got a great building. It's in a great location. We have backing from our older woman, we have backing from the mayor, the county exec police chief, we have the backing from the office of emergency management. We had to do some work. Everything was slow because, again, we're talking about COVID, so people are working remotely, which means the guy that pushes the little inspection things you put in the window he's not there, so it took time.
Speaker 2:During all of that time we're making friends, right, that's when I decide I need to make friends with that senator and some other people. We struggled with the name. What are we going to call it? Community center, what are we going to call it? I have a woman that I work really closely with. Jennifer Wheeler is just my. She's my recovery wife, is what I call her. She has a whole other life over there. She's not really my wife, but we work real close and we were holding a recovery and a Rundle meeting one day and another woman that we knew walked in and I'm like what is she doing here? Like why is she here? And she walked up to me during the meeting and she was like hey, I want to remind you that today is the one year anniversary of George Phillips Jr passing.
Speaker 2:And it all came flooding back to me, george Phillips Jr, the very first time that I was incarcerated, that I was arrested I'm going to date myself. And because you could still smoke at the detention center, then you were in pods with bars and I woke up at like two in the morning to somebody yelling my name trainer, need you down here? And I walked down there. I'm like what time is it? He's like it's 2am, ma'am. And I'm like okay, how can I help?
Speaker 2:And there's this young African-American gentleman. He's got a five gallon bucket turned upside down. He's sitting on it with his little clipboard on his arm. He's got his hat on backwards, which I've come to find out is called a Kangol. And George Phillips Jr, and I am your pretrial worker, ma'am, you will report to me. And he was very Jovial about his job at two in the morning and I'm like okay, whatever you say, here's the crazy thing. George was my first pre-child worker. Right as I went downhill in my addiction, I crossed paths with George, who was on his way up through the health department Pre-child worker. He was a counselor for me at one point. He was that guy that was sitting at the head of the Rosk table and he was a smart man. He was a great mentor. He was not in recovery but he understood those that needed that right.
Speaker 1:Clearly had the passion for it.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God, I mean and these are the things that have happened to me over and over in my lifetime, right? That's how I know it's divine. That's how I know that the walk that I walk is divine.
Speaker 1:It's funny that you say that because he implemented the programs walk, the walk.
Speaker 2:He did. He absolutely did right. When I first recovered and a Rundle meeting, I was like I wanted to cover my face right. I kept my head down and I'm like, oh my God, it's Mr Phillips, of all people, mr Phillips. And I went and I sat down.
Speaker 2:I didn't say a thing for like the first three months that I was there and finally he walked up to me after a meeting and he was like Ms Trainer, and I'm like, hi, mr Phillips, right, and he's like, oh my God, you look so different. And I was like, well, and I explained to him I was a couple of years into the recovery process and he was like, thank God you're here. We need the voice of recovery. And that's when I started realizing that what we have to say can be useful. So, going back to that meeting and that woman getting in my ear and saying I just wanted to let you know this is the one year anniversary of George passing, it struck me right then and there and I went to my good friend Jen after that meeting and I'm like the whole group got together and we sent a video message to George's wife and his daughters and I was like there's a name, george Phillips, doing a recovery community center. It could never be named anything but Beautiful, so Beautiful.
Speaker 3:Yeah, switching gears a little bit or pausing a little bit. I'm really curious. I think I must ask, as a person in recovery and also you being in recovery you're very busy, you get involved. Other things that you do for yourself, like how do you unwind in your downtime? I think that would be good for people who are in recovery listening as well, because self care has been a big part of the recovery journey as well, so I want to take space and talk about that a little bit too.
Speaker 2:Thank you, because we don't. Sometimes I have to have my friends remind me right To. Why don't you calm down? Just calm down, angel, definitely. I give my hand at meditation every single morning. Not great at it, but I take that time to sit with self. I have a network of women in my life that, both in recovery and out of recovery, that know me, and I'll spend time with my girlfriends. Probably the biggest thing for me is all is music.
Speaker 2:I'm an old dead head, been a dead head for lots of years. People are like oh, that's why you don't wear shoes. And I'm like no, I'm just more comfortable barefoot, right, I feel more grounded when I'm barefoot. I'm an old dead head. And when I entered recovery I thought I'm never gonna be able to go to another concert. I'm just not ever gonna be able to do those things. And about three years into my recovery I was telling one of my normal friends this, who also is an old dead head. She was like Angel, you're a dumb, dumb. And I'm like that's what I'm talking about, that's why I can't do that. And she was like don't you know about the Warfrats? And I'm like no idea. And she was like girl, you've never seen the yellow balloons at a show and I'm like, yeah, but that's not the kind of balloon I was thinking it was though right.
Speaker 2:I was thinking it was that parking lot balloon.
Speaker 2:And she was like no, there's a whole group of people at debt shows that have a meeting at every intermission and I'm like, oh my God, and I found that right, and I found my people at that very first show that I went to and what I've come to realize is that a Warfrats we're everywhere. Right, there are Warfrats everywhere and that's what they call a dead headed recovery as a Warfrat. But it's not just the dead that I follow. I follow a lot of other bands and I do a lot of other live music, and artists themselves are either in recovery or they recognize that we need a safe space.
Speaker 1:There's so much more vocal about it, right.
Speaker 2:So that right there tells me that stigma is diminishing in that way, right, and that we're recognized. And the biggest thing for me is that we don't have to stay secretive anymore. Right, we recover out loud, you recover out loud. But that's a big part of my self-care. Do not tempt me with a good time. I will get into a plane, a train or an automobile to get live music.
Speaker 1:I love it.
Speaker 3:Time work out then, after the episode, my brain's getting going Go ahead, sal I mean that's important about like, because everything that you've said has been about empowerment like empowering people who have lost their voices, lost their feelings, lost their sense of belonging. But then recovery is powerful in terms of like finding our true self and then like what I you know, having fun and being sober are not mutually exclusive. Like I can have fun and be sober. That's been the most like exciting things that I've seen in my own life in recovery and also with people too. And I feel like you know, because in addiction we put you know, our behavior, our addiction first, as opposed to things that I wanted to do. So it's been always fun to like see people reconnecting with their hobbies, their creative outlets, things like that finding more meaning and purpose. So it's great that you share about music being something that reaches for an A year.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean it's something that we can do, right, and I don't know, I mean I would have to say another part of that self-care is reconnecting with my family. I have my grandmother. My mother's mother is 101 years old, sassy oh, she's sassy man, she. I mean. Every morning my grandma gets up and she dresses herself and makes her bed, makes her own coffee. She's in recovery, right? So my grandmother got sober when she was 50. And, like, being able to connect with her and talk about recovery and apparently housing runs in the blood, skips a generation, because my mother doesn't want anything to do with it and nor does my son. But my grandmother ran a halfway house in Laurel, maryland, you know, 50 years ago. Wow, right, so it's just, it's in the blood. But that's I mean.
Speaker 2:For me, that's part of self-care is being able to connect with my aunts and my uncles and my mom and be able to heal that, the trauma that I caused, right, my son, jonathan, is 46 years old and it's taken, you know, it's taken years to like repair that damage. You know, I work with my men who have had their children taken from them and I'm like, oh my God, like I don't know what I would have done if my son had been taken from me. I mean, I have one biological child, two foster sons, and I raised a nephew. I put those kids through hell. I mean, what's worse like being taken away from your mother or laying in your bed when the SWAT team comes through the door yeah they're in imprinted wreckage, Right, I mean it's just wreckage.
Speaker 2:So I've had an opportunity to heal that and that's part that healing is part of self-care for me. You know that being at peace, right, Because I can be at peace with the things that I did. I know today that my addiction does not define me right. My past does not define who I am. I'll never forget that part of me, right, Because the minute I lose that is the minute that this person in recovery is in trouble, Really good, stinking thinking.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can't help to think. You know me as a former clinical director and always on call, and it's all bringing up the self-care, and you've already given one answer, which is a good support team and you don't do anything alone. So I might be answering it, but how do you not take all of this on yourself? You've gone through COVID and you're director with this and the creator of that, and how do you separate when you need to separate? Because part of what this episode's about is do your own advocacy, no matter how big or small, no matter how big or small. So people are hearing this like, oh my God, how in the world does she have enough time? How do you separate that when you need to separate that and not own it?
Speaker 2:So in the last couple of years I have learned to say no, it's a sentence Right. No, it's a complete sentence, man. When I heard that, I'm like, really, it has a period after it, all right, then I've learned to say no. I have definitely learned that I am not invincible. I think that for me anyway. I came into recovery and I felt like I had wasted so much time, that I had so much to catch up on, right, I have so much to do, so much to catch up on. But over the last couple of years, like I've realized, like my mortality, I'm 61, right, and although in my head I am still 17 sometimes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, maybe 30,. I would never would have guessed 61, but hey, you got enough energy for us.
Speaker 2:We. I don't know about anybody else in this world, but I did not take good care of my body when I was out there doing those things, and so I'm waiting for this hip replacement. But I can tell you that for the first couple of years that it started to really go bad, I was like stop being a baby. You're just stop being a baby, stop whining, go take some more Tylenol. You know what I mean? Like not realizing that there was truly something wrong. Here's a sign.
Speaker 1:Here's a symptom.
Speaker 2:But you know, I've learned a little bit more about my mortality and I've learned that Mm-hmm and in cause it, I can't cure it, damn sure can't control it, right. I've learned all of that in the last few years. When it comes to this realm, that that I work and I live in Now don't get me wrong I have had my heart Absolutely shattered into a million pieces with some of the people that I have lost on this journey. If you had told me Almost 17 years ago that I would be An ordained minister, which means I could marry people, that's right. But it also means that there's a potential that I would bury people right and that I would give eulogies, and that, to me, is of the highest honor that I will ever have put on me. Right is for somebody to ask me to do a eulogy for a family member, and I've just come to realize that with the, with the very high highs, there are going to be lows, and then I have to try to remain in the middle somehow. So how do I do it? I don't know. Prayer there's a lot of prayer there, and I mean those, those deep, meaningful prayers for me, especially in the morning Before I get out of bed, right, yeah, because once I hit the floor, like I mean they're gonna hit the floor, that hips gonna be in a lot of pain or I'm gonna hit the ground running, I don't know.
Speaker 2:But that's you know, that's self-care and I push self-care. I push self-care on my employees. Yeah, I mean how you know I might. I've got a great staff right now and they know that I'm serious about that self-care. If I see that they're struggling at 12, 1 o'clock in the afternoon, like get out. I Need you know, because some of our single moms I don't care about the money o'clock out at 4, get out now. Yeah, go, take care of yourself, go, you know, whatever it takes, take a drive whatever it takes.
Speaker 1:So Looking ahead, what are some of your hopes and visions for the future of recovery, support and advocacy, whether it's an Annapolis community or or and more of a meta macro level, take it where you want.
Speaker 2:So Annapolis, in my opinion, is very recovery rich.
Speaker 1:We were saying that we're so blessed, we're fortunate, part of some of the things that you have helped set up the conditions for, but go ahead.
Speaker 2:But even before that, like thinking, like thinking back historically, we're recovery rich right, especially when it comes to 12-step meetings and in all that, like we've we've got that here Because I've traveled parts of the country where they don't sparse. Have that right, you have to drive 90 minutes to get to a meeting. Yeah, so we're very recovery rich here. For that I am grateful. There are things in this area that we work in that I Displeased me. If it was just me that it affected and displeased, I would say what's wrong with you, angel? Hmm, but I see injustices happening and so we work. There's a group of us at work for that. Hmm, you know, whether it's Poor housing conditions, poor treatment of individuals who are at their very most vulnerable stage of their life. Yeah, there's a group of us that that advocate right at the policymaker level to make things right statewide.
Speaker 2:If I personally could get them all into a room In and help to educate them like that would, for me that would be the bees knees right there. You know, and again, I've been in the room with mayors and county executives and lieutenant governors and and things like that but to really help them to understand this is bipartisan. I Want, I want to scream out the truth, but what I've learned is that truth without compassion is just cruel. It's just cruel. Yeah, you know you, I have to have the compassion for them that maybe they don't understand, or maybe they're fighting it in their own family and they're afraid to talk about it.
Speaker 2:I don't know. But if I could get the state On the same level, on the same page, that would be great. I work with the Maryland recovery advocacy project to help with those things. I I have some of the most amazing people in my life. I have a woman who has lost two daughters to this disease and you know she's gone to the federal level and might fought the Sacklers, you know any means. So I don't know, where do I see it? I just wish that the stigma wasn't there, that people were more more understanding and that really, overall, that we lived in a society that was a little more peaceful. Not sure where that that's gonna go, but all right.
Speaker 1:Thank you for doing your part for that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, thank you so much. Great having you and again full circle, good to have you here after so many years, and I've seen you active in recovery. As I'm active in recovery and I like the note that you're ending on, which is compassion, which is also part of recovery too. One of the biggest prayer in 12 step talks about it's better to understand than to be understood. I feel like that's a good guiding principle too when communicating the truth, and I want to see the truth, but then I want to Understand the other person first before saying the truth, otherwise it can be, yeah, like you said, cruel. Yeah, but only if I understand other people.
Speaker 2:The truth can be like Communicate it with compassion, so yeah, that's a really good note to an all if you don't have that truth, then you're both like if you're butted up against each other Nobody hears anything.
Speaker 1:I cannot ask this for. The final question For individuals both inside and outside recovery that want to contribute to community Advocacy efforts, will be your recommendation for them that want to get involved at some level?
Speaker 2:The first thing I would say is that recovery and a Rundle meets the first Wednesday of every month in Annapolis at Heritage Baptist Church. The meeting is from 10 o'clock to 1130. We feed you a great breakfast, there's a. There's a huge amount of networking that goes on there and and I just encourage people like, come on in man, and we need new voices. Right, we need to hear what other people feel or or what are their strengths.
Speaker 1:Yeah right.
Speaker 2:I like to look at people's strengths Anytime you can. You can find me at wwwsurrendicesorg, or you can find me at wwwrecoveryannarundleorg, and shoot me that quick email and.
Speaker 1:We talked about probably 10 or 15 things that angel is a part of and I'll make sure to put the links for all the the local State Community organization, all the levels that she's involved with. I'll make sure that I'll put all those in the episode notes as well. So as we wrap up this insightful conversation with Angel trainer, we extend our heartfelt gratitude for her openness and dedication to the recovery community. Angel's journey from founding Serenity Sisters soberhouse to her role as a coordinator and advocate showcases the transformative power of De-stigmatizing addiction and community advocacy in the realm of addiction recovery. Angel has illuminated the crucial role of the continuum of care and recovery wrap-around services in shaping the recovery experience. Her passion for bridging gaps within the system highlights the need for comprehensive support services tailored to address the unique challenges individuals face when their recovery journey.
Speaker 1:As we navigate the complex landscape of addiction and recovery, angels advocacy serves as a beacon of hope, emphasizing the collective responsibility we all share in supporting those on the path to recovery. Let's carry forward the wisdom shared today, fostering a community that uplifts and empowers each individual toward lasting well-being. How will you advocate? We encourage you to engage in local advocacy efforts and support recovery initiatives in your community. So until next time, stay well and stay connected, as collectively we can do so much. My name is Luke. This is all. We'll see you next time. Thanks so much, you.