A Therapist, A Buddhist, and You
A Therapist, A Buddhist, and You
The Paradox: Gifts of Addiction
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Can gifts truly emerge from the depths of active addiction? Our latest episode promises to uncover the hidden gifts that come from using, providing you with insights that go beyond the commonly highlighted trauma and devastation. By exploring the complex transformation that occurs from substance dependence to a purposeful, intentional life, we aim to highlight how renewed relationships, mental clarity, and a sense of accomplishment make the arduous path of recovery worthwhile.
We also discuss the paradoxical empathy often found within those battling addiction. Despite being perceived as selfish, many individuals struggling with addiction show profound empathy towards others in similar situations, and this shared empathy becomes a powerful recovery tool. Our conversation knocks off the thick denial to the occasional moments of heightened self-awareness that often surface during addiction, revealing the stark contrast between right and wrong and serving as pivotal points in the journey toward sobriety. This nuanced discussion aims to shed light on the inner world of those affected by addiction, fostering a deeper understanding of their struggles and strengths.
We aim to create a supportive community space for growth and healing. As we bid farewell until season 3 (September), we urge everyone to recognize the hidden gifts along their path and keep pushing forward. Thank you for joining us, and we look forward to continuing this journey together.
Season two comes to a close at the end of July as we'll be working on our E-Course. We'll take the month of August off and see you again in September.
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Welcome to A Therapist to Buddhists and you, brought to you by the Recovery Collective. We're based in Annapolis, Maryland, offering a haven of hope and support on your journey to healing and growth. I'm your co-host and therapist, luke Dubois, joined by the insightful Zal Maul, our favorite Buddhist co-host, hey Zal, hey. By the insightful Zalmol, our favorite Buddhist co-host. Hey Zal, hey, luke.
Speaker 2:What's going?
Speaker 1:on. We've got a good topic today, so I'm excited to jump into it. The topic we're diving in today might be counterintuitive at first the gifts of addiction and the gifts of recovery. When you're deep in addiction, it can be nearly impossible to see any positives. The pain and turmoil can obscure any potential silver linings. But today we're exploring the unexpected strengths and insights that can arise from addiction, helping to reshape our understanding of this challenging journey. We'll also shine the light on the undeniable gifts that come from recovery, from renewed relationships to mental clarity and a sense of accomplishment. Recovery offers transformative treasures that make the struggle worthwhile. So, whether you're currently navigating addiction, walking the path of recovery, supporting a loved one, or simply curious about this ever so fascinating human experience, this episode has something for you. We'll explore the hidden strengths that can emerge from addiction and the powerful transformations that recovery brings.
Speaker 1:Before we jump in, if you haven't already, make sure to subscribe to our podcast. Your support helps us continue bringing viable content to you. Share this episode with anyone who might benefit from these insights and if you've been following us for a while now and a lot of you have please show your gratitude. Considering supporting us through the episode notes. We'd be thrilled, and we'll even give you a shout out in our next episode, speaking of engagement and all we want to hear from you. We're providing a collective space to share collective wisdom, and we think it would be awesome to have an Ask Us Anything episode or a segment every once in a while where we can connect more with you, our listeners. We really believe in the power of community. We can do collectively what we cannot do alone, and we want this podcast to represent what you want and what you need. So please take a moment. You can text us and email us your questions and thoughts. If you're listening on your phone, it's super easy to pull up the episode description. The first thing it says send us a text message. Couldn't be easier than that's all. So click the link, give us a text. You can also send us an email, and the address of the email is in the episode description too. We'd love to connect more with our community and get them engaged, and it's one way we can say thank you for listening in and downloading or sharing the episodes with other people. So wouldn't that be fun for us? That'd be a fun one. Yeah, don't forget to subscribe to our new and free newsletter subscription. Trust me, you won't want to miss it. Sign up, receive intentionally curated insights, practical tips, some buddhist inspired content, exclusive updates and the latest news and events. You'll gain access to invaluable content on mental health and self-care and really enjoy exclusive free downloads and discounts available only to our subscribers. I kind of compare it it's like having a personal wellness coach right in your inbox. So join our community and the newsletter, and it's one quick and easy way to do so.
Speaker 1:All right, so when we talk about the gifts of addiction, we're referring to the unexpected strengths and insights that can emerge from an experience often viewed solely on really that negative light. While addiction is undeniably challenging, destructive and ultimately miserable, it can also lead to profound personal revelations and growth, to profound personal revelations and growth. These gifts are really the silver linings, the hidden positives that can come from the struggle. So, zal, I challenge us to discuss the gifts of addiction and explore these unexpected positives. However, I want to make a moment for this very important PSA.
Speaker 1:It's crucial for you guys to know that we understand that addiction itself is devastating. When someone succumbs to the grip of addiction and perishes, there is no gift in that loss. Addiction brings profound trauma to the person suffering, as well as to their family, friends and loved ones. Its impact is far-reaching and heart-wrenching. It's relentless. Its purpose, I feel, really seems singular Addiction wants to destroy lives and take everything from those it captures. It doesn't discriminate, it shows no mercy and it leaves just a wake of pain and despair.
Speaker 1:So the journey of recovery is about reclaiming life from this destructive force, finding hope, healing where once there was only darkness. So before we get going, zal and I certainly acknowledge the strengths and resilience that can arise through recovery let's also remember the gravity of addiction. If you or someone you know is struggling, please seek help. There are resources and communities ready to support you, including the Recovery Collective. Together we can fight this battle and support each other in the journey towards healing and growth. While we have this in mind, let's delve into it and let's talk about how the gifts that can emerge from addiction. Let's get going, zal. What do you think Sounds?
Speaker 2:good yeah, like you said, it's quite counterintuitive can emerge from addiction. Let's get going Zal. What do you think Sounds good? Yeah, like you said, it's quite counterintuitive. So curious how this conversation is going to go in terms of starting with gifts of addiction.
Speaker 1:So am I. Do we know what we're doing? Zal, I think we know a little bit. Okay, all right, let's walk through this together with our listeners. Okay, all right, let's walk through this together with our listeners.
Speaker 2:Firstly, don't we think addiction can cultivate resilience In hindsight? Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1:I agree. I mean, there's so many highs and lows in the act of addiction, isn't there? It takes a lot. A lot of times people feel like they're living double lives when they're in active use. I mean there's got to be some amount of inner strength to deal with the ups and downs of living while trying to use this thing that's trying to kill us. I mean there's a lot of resilience in there, don't you think?
Speaker 2:I mean a lot of talents were developed too in my active addiction. For me to get the next drug next hit, next high, I had to develop some talents to get those.
Speaker 1:Granted. Those talents might be manipulation, lying, stealing, but I think the point that we're getting at is that if you can deal with the lows that come with addiction and the negatives, with the lows that come with addiction and the negatives, and somehow we rebound and find a way to continue to use, and I mean you can get through anything. It takes a lot of work, a lot of power, a lot of energy. It's trying to take everything from us, so even though it's trying to take everything from us.
Speaker 2:I think it takes a lot of resilience to get through that. Yeah, in a strange way I'm being reminded of this. Saying that I heard when I was young. I was really into arts when I was growing up and my dad is a doctor but he's really good with drawing and cartoons and things like that and I was learning how to do some artwork and apparently there was a saying about don't let your audience see the product before it is finished. I'm kind of reminded about that. About the gifts the story hasn't ended, but then when we get to the other side, the gifts were revealed, but in the thick of it, like nothing was fun, you know.
Speaker 1:So like the gifts are being prepared being made, you know, in the background as we're in the depth of addiction. Yeah, it's, and some people listening, me included, it goes well. Those examples of resilience that I gave aren't good characteristics, Manipulation, lying, and that's true.
Speaker 1:But there's a form of adaptation that we do to continue to survive while something's trying to kill us. Eventually those things will be used for good. Eventually that picture will be used for good. Eventually that picture will be finished, that art will be complete. Now, the artist might not always like the finished product and can see the blemishes, but, man, there's resiliency in working through a continual project, I guess.
Speaker 2:Yeah, maybe this is an obvious word for everybody, but maybe it will be helpful to think about the word gift too. It's um I guess I kind of looked it up before we started talking about the idea of gift. It can be a talent, it can be a capacity of some kind. When somebody is gifted, you know, somebody is born with this capabilities. But also it's a transfer of energy without compensation, so I get some like an endowment, I get something without me having to do anything. It's like an unequal kind of deserving of something.
Speaker 2:So I think the gift in hindsight was just the fact that I'm just given so much these things that I didn't know I deserve as a result.
Speaker 1:So there is that kind of a surprising benefit that came out of those difficulties and I think we see that in our work that we do that, that resiliency that is needed to hide and function and use forever for however long that person is when they're in the early part of recovery. It's hard to see that resiliency and one thing that we do is we help those, those people struggling in early recovery, with that resiliency that they have. That might be hidden in shame and guilt and those things, but they have that resiliency that they were able to tap into an active addiction and we learn how to tap into and a lot of our aspects of life and recovery. Let's go to the next one. Yeah, another gift an active addiction empathy.
Speaker 1:Now, those who have faced addiction often develop a deep understanding and compassion for others in similar situations. I imagine there are a lot of people that are cringing that says did Luke just say addicts are empathetic? They're the most selfish son of a bitch, selfish, self-centered people I've ever seen. How can Luke say that they're empathetic? They're the most selfish son of a bitch, selfish, self-centered people I've ever seen. How can Luke say that they're empathetic? It's bizarre, I know. So let me give you an example. There would be people that you know what You're living in a crack den with others and somehow you form a bond over the shared struggles. You don't have a pillow or a blanket, but you've got empathy for the person that's next to you using and you might not be eating. Or when someone steals your drugs or money and you might not murder them, because you understand that desperation, knowing you might do the same in their possession. Isn't that empathy? Weirdly enough, you guys should see Zal's face.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean that is empathy, being able to put yourself in other people's shoes, being able to relate. Some form of empathy for sure, yeah.
Speaker 1:You might find yourself sharing the last bit of your stash with someone who needs it just as badly as you do, recognizing their pain, them being dope sick, them shaking from alcohol, but you still give them the last. Or you share your drugs with them, knowing that you're going to have to go hunt and search and lie, cheat and steal for your drugs, but you still share it. That's empathy, wild right? Yeah, I mean to me like. These Moments of connection, though warped in the chaos of addiction, highlight how empathy develops in a healthy way when we channel it in positivity and recovery. It becomes super powerful and almost essential when we're down and out and someone can empathize with us and feel with us. Someone can empathize with us and feel with us. Now, loved ones, bosses, family members often get the selfish and the self-centered part of addiction and lack any empathy for the family, for the boss, for negatively affecting them. But it doesn't mean it's still not in there somewhere, you agree, but it doesn't mean that it's still not in there somewhere.
Speaker 2:You agree. Yeah, it's like a subculture of the empathy in its own entity. Yeah, I mean, maybe we'll talk about this in the gifts of recovery, but it also becomes a common language to be able to help other addicts too. Down the line, I guess empathy even gets more pronounced In the recovery literature. It talks about being able to uniquely helpful to other people, and I'm very thankful for that too, that I got help from the people who have gone through what I was going through. So actually we're also being prepared to be useful to fellow addicts too.
Speaker 1:It doesn't matter how hellacious, how guilt-ridden, how shameful the thing that you've done in your active addiction. The people that are in active recovery don't look down on you because they know what that was like to do that, what it was like to feel that way, and you're not alone in that to do that, what it was like to feel that way, and you're not alone in that. So that is one of the greatest armor skill sets, tools that we have. When we are down and out, people help us and I think that can be very hard for family members and loved ones because they get to feel all the negative from it. But to have grace and compassion, that person that you do love, it's in there. It might be really deep in there, but, man, if we can have empathy for their illness, their sickness, what they're battling through to try to survive and stay alive because you might not see it, but guess what they're giving and feeling empathy when they're in rehab, their ability to support each other in that early recovery process is like nothing I've seen and they feel like there's these family bonds with their new family members when their family members are kicking them out of the house, won't talk to them and they're out and they see this different side to them, and just hours and days after using I mean that empathy is there. So it's certainly going to benefit them in recovery.
Speaker 1:To your point, what's the next one? This one might be hard to believe too. So brace yourself. Increased self-awareness. Tell me more Before people cringe and turn off the podcast. Hear me out.
Speaker 1:It takes a lot of drugs to numb out and push down a conscious, but I've seen so many battle addiction that have that moment of clarity, acknowledge that fear, realize what they're doing, and it might be there just for a moment, but usually denial doesn't last for too too long without drugs and alcohol, and I think that's when people tend to get sober, that they have that awareness.
Speaker 1:They know the difference between right and wrong awareness. They know the difference between right and wrong. They might be justifying and rationalizing and lying so they don't have to feel it. But, man, when they've got that and their true self come to thine, own self, be true, that true self comes to the surface, and it might only be a minute or it might be just a part of a conversation and an intervention or an active use, but they feel fear, they feel shame, they have that self-awareness. They do everything they can to push that down so they can keep doing and living the way they're living. Goodness, I can't tell you how many people in that crack house, in that stolen car, in the tent, whatever, wherever, they know the difference between right or wrong I'd say more than 90% of the time. Their actions and what they say may say differently, but over the years I see it all the time they have that self-awareness and it starts an active addiction.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's an interesting spin on it, Because that's also it's the drive for more using right, Because of that consciousness, because of that self-awareness that keeps coming up every time you're not high. So yeah, I've never thought of it that way, but that's an interesting spin on it, Because the more I push it, the more it comes back. I feel like that's the nature of the truth too the more I push the truth away, the stronger it comes back.
Speaker 1:Why is relapse so high? Because when you stop using and you can't numb that out momentarily anymore that self-awareness of what they did and what they're feeling is very present. Drugs don't want you to feel that so you don't change. They want you to feel guilt and shame and stay there and numb it out so it can kill you. But man that vulnerability. They begin to identify their personal triggers. They begin to identify what I call emotional sobriety and then either numb it out or, because of that self-awareness, they grow from it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that really pronounced the idea of a gift. You know, because people in recovery knows that awareness, self-awareness, that becomes kind of like my superpower, that I need to work with it. You know, I heard this. This is one of the daily readings that I do in one of the fellowships that I go to, and the reading ends with this quotation which is kind of a spin on what people always says about the saying usually is don't just sit, do something right. But the saying they use is like don't do something right, but the saying they use is like don't just do something sit. I feel like that's the trick in recovery too, like that self-awareness part, like when I'm feeling fearful, I'm feeling uncertain about the future, feeling very confused about the situation. That's where that self-awareness I need to sit with it. And then the self-awareness comes like what are my values, what's important for me, and then the action that I need to take becomes clear as a result of that self-awareness and more integrity.
Speaker 1:So yeah, great point, a positive way, with that resiliency, with that ability to change, with that ability to overcome obstacles and active addiction. Here's another one we overcome obstacles may lead to more negative obstacles, but we learn to overcome these things in a healthy way. The journey through addiction involves numerous challenges, and successfully navigating these can build confidence and a sense of accomplishment and that's a gift. And if we can do that With a negative light, we can certainly do that in a positive light. And that's the difference between active using and negativity and stop using. And then the recovery journey, overcoming obstacles in a healthy way, and I think some of the gifts that we just talked about the increased self-awareness, the vulnerability, the ability to have empathy for ourselves, the resiliency, and that's how we overcome obstacles right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm just coming up with all these sayings, but whenever we have these conversations, all these things that I've learned from all these conversations come up about, yeah, obstacles actually becomes like opportunities right for growth and yeah, so those were all kinds of opportunities, although they seemed like obstacles, but they're always opportunities.
Speaker 1:And I think it's really clear in active addiction you might crash and burn repeatedly and then manage to adapt and find a way to get high again. You might lose your job due to addiction, but somehow you find money to use again. Addiction, but somehow you find money to use again. The ability to navigate through crises and think on your feet and bounce back from failures can become an invaluable tool when used for good. We just use it to get high at any and all costs for survival and then eventually it goes. Okay. This isn't life or death and this isn't the saying I'm a mountain out of a molehill where everything is chaotic. Okay, but I can overcome obstacles and recovery and not create obstacles that I'm overcoming and addiction.
Speaker 2:Yeah, developing some problem-solving skills.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it's this one no-transcript, not just dope sick. Then they get sick like I don't know how that happens. I don't know what happens when someone's using heroin, that they never get sick and they're like superman or superwoman. But then they get off it and they're good through detox and then their immune system crashes. But with the mental health it's affecting our brain and damaging our brain so much and our ability to cope with anything, let alone depression, anxiety or stressors, that it can exacerbate depression, anxiety, bipolar and mania and schizophrenia and suicidal ideation. But it gives us ability to understand the importance of maintaining mental health and well-being because we know what it's like to not have that, especially in active addiction.
Speaker 2:Yeah, in a way too, I was striving for my own version of sanity, my own version of mental health, kind of like a self-medication. So in a weird way it wasn't working. But also that's what I was striving for, like to have that unstable mental health that was only sustainable through my drug of choice, as opposed to real, real sanity, real health, you know that's sustainable absolutely well, we hit a little bit of both, certainly the gifts of addiction.
Speaker 1:We did some countering with what happens when we're in sobriety and recovery with it. Let's highlight a couple more. Um, do you want to pull up the? They're literally called the gifts of recovery, aren't they? When it comes to chemical dependency, anonymous alcoholics, anonymous they're these things that they call the promises will happen when you work the steps in the 12-step program. Alcoholics Anonymous has the promises. Chemical Dependency has the gifts of recovery. Let's read the gifts of recovery.
Speaker 2:This is where I pick up my 24-hour chip. Ever in a Chemically Dependent Anonymous meeting, cool, and I went back there to speak and it's just so crazy I guess this is true about meetings that they read the same thing since I came in, but then how they hit me is so different, you know. So I was hearing the gifts being read. I was like these are the same gifts that I heard 10 years ago, but they mean so much to me now. That's good stuff. So these are the. I think there are 10 in total, so I'll read all of them.
Speaker 2:We live one day at a time with dignity and self-respect. Number two we replace fear and self-pity with courage and gratitude. Three we accept the changes in our life with optimism and hope. We learn how to lighten up, laugh often and have fun again. We find that challenges and setbacks become the touchstones of spiritual growth. We discover our talents and gifts and unlock their full potential. We experience freedom as we forgive ourselves and others. We are willing to take risks as we choose growth over fear. We develop healthy relationships as we learn how to communicate with respect and love. We believe that love and service are the foundation of a lifetime of happiness as we continue on our journey, the possibilities are endless. Remember, the sky is the limit, Boy.
Speaker 1:those things are attracting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I got to say this, though, that I think you mentioned this a long, long time ago in one of the episodes about setting up the conditions. People use that example of farming, for example I'm just setting the conditions the soil, watering, sunlight. I don't make the plants grow. Something greater makes it grow. And I feel like it's the same thing with the gifts, too. I was never like, oh, I'm going to make that gift happen, let me come up with a plan to make this gift come into my life, but it was more like a side effect of all the things that we're supposed to do as conditions, and these were given to us.
Speaker 1:And I think that's the silver lining right there.
Speaker 1:It's a gift. The silver lining is when we set up the conditions and it may seem, and is a dark, negative way, an act of addiction, but, man, these can transform into just beautiful gifts of optimism and hope, self-respect, talents we get to forgive ourselves and others, healthy relationships. I mean. These are gifts that these things transform into when used for good. The sense of purpose and meaning is, I think, maybe one of the biggest gifts of recovery that somehow, when we stop using and lose this need to evolve around this substance liquid, powder, smoke and then stop using and align an intentional way of life, the desire and need to use is so far gone and gives us helping others through our experience and through our resiliency and through our obstacles, gives us so much self-improvement, gives us appreciation for life, gives us purpose and meaning and it strengthens, identify who we are and who we're not. There's no better gift.
Speaker 1:I always say I got sober at 20, and the steps in my recovery journey through support and treatment and therapy and spirituality. I like to think I had a quarter-life crisis at 20. Through support and treatment and therapy and spirituality, I like to think I had a quarter-life crisis at 20, and these steps helped me with obstacles in my sobriety and struggles and resiliency that life throws at me, I just don't have to add to it as much as I used to when I was using and that's a gift. That's a gift.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel like I'm a quotation machine tonight, but another thing that reminds me about the gift is that I have a therapist that I've been seeing for a long time and she always brings that up about. Tomorrow is worry, is future. That hasn't happened yet, and yesterday was just like a regret, guilt, shame. That has already happened. But today is a gift, because that's why they call it the present. That's right. I love that, true, though yeah, it's so true, it's.
Speaker 1:And if we can live in the present, live in today and see all these benefits, it's a gift, Absolutely. A lot of this aligns with Maslow's hierarchy of needs. He calls it kind of like motivational theory and there's a few levels, five tiers. And the first level is the need for shelter, warmth and food, and that certainly happens when people stop using that, they're not on that liquid diet. All of a sudden the crack house doesn't seem so glorious. And then we have the desire and need for wanting a roof over our head and we want more safety and predictability and healthy control in our lives. But the last two is esteem. The fourth level is self-worth, accomplishment, respect for ourselves and other people, and that becomes a very important recovery and I like to align my will according to the 12 steps with my higher power's will, and if I can do that then I feel like I'm going to live a good way of life. I'd like to hear your Buddhist perspective on that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the metaphor or the saying is maybe it's more of a translation it's the awakening of the heart, like the purity of the mind. Those are the thoughts that come to me about aligning one's will with a higher power's will, because, you know, all these concepts of compassion, generosity, forgiveness, these are all what we're made up of. That is hidden in active addiction, but when we are sober we get to awaken those values in us. So, yeah, that's my take on it in terms of those needs being met. But also it becomes more important about the esteem, the integrity, things that were actually the essence of our being right, like the spirit is really the essence of what we're made up of, and then we get to reawaken that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's good. And the fifth tier, the final tier, the top of the pyramid, is self-actualization. This highest level refers to the realizations of our own potential, self-fulfillment, seeking personal growth, peak experiences. Some people call it higher sense of self, higher purpose, and I think that's a gift too, that'd be a motivation, that'd be a guiding factor, doing that in a healthy way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's good, that's inspiring Life is about growth, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But I stopped that growth in active addiction. And then some I was dying.
Speaker 1:Well, what do you know? Yeah, but I stopped that growth in active addiction and then some I was dying. But what do you think? Do you think we were able to balance the gifts of addiction and the gifts of recovery? Think we were able to do that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I guess it all comes under the category of the gifts of the journey of recovery, right, yeah, because recovery already was in the making in our active addiction, but sadly that's not true for everyone. But at the same time, whoever is struggling out there, the journey has begun. So, yeah, the gifts is very inclusive of everything that we've gone through.
Speaker 1:Yeah, agreed. As we wrap up today's discussion on the gifts of addiction and recovery, we hope you found value in understanding both perspectives. Whether you're navigating addiction, walking the path of recovery, supporting a loved one, we believe that recognizing these gifts can lead to personal growth and transformation. Not just about overcoming challenges. It's about embracing the strengths and insights that come from those experiences. As you move forward, take time to reflect on your journey and acknowledge the gifts you've discovered along the way. Don't forget to subscribe to our newsletter for more valuable insights, practical tips, along with exclusive content throughout the way.
Speaker 1:We'd love to hear from you. Do you have a question or comment for us or for other listeners? We're providing a collective space to share collective wisdom and we think it would be awesome to have you as a part of an episode. Remember, we can do collectively what we cannot do alone. So please take a moment, text us or email us questions. If you're listening on your phone, just pull it up and click it. Thank you for joining us. This is the last episode of Season 2. We're not releasing any episodes for the month of August. The podcast will be back in September and remember, the path to recovery and growth is filled with hidden gifts waiting to be discovered. Keep your journey growing. My name is Luke.
Speaker 2:And this is Zal.
Speaker 1:See ya.